Butterfly

So it's ex As birthday this week and I'm not sure if the kids remember, DD asked me last week when it was but I didn't reply as I didn't want to think about his birthday but I don't know if she remembered and has to,d DS. It hasn't been mentioned again from her.

I know he told DS last month that something on at school was around his birthday and he has offered to stay late in work so he can pick DS up so I don't have to wait around. He has never offered to do anything like that it's always when he's ready. DS hasn't mentioned going to his or anything neither has DD.

I feel sorry for him as he obviously wants the kids to remember it's his birthday and obviously would like to see them.

Do I remind them then whatever they decide to do is up to them or let it be? I know this is probably a silly question But any guidance would be appreciated.

lillamy

How old are the kids again? Back when AXH was still in my kids' life, I would remind them of his birthday and ask them if they wanted to do anything -- make a card, buy a small gift, something like that.

Not that I wanted to spend my money on a guy who couldn't even be bothered to pay child support -- but I felt like it was important to give the kids a choice in the matter...

Butterfly

Oh I meNt to post thT they're 16 and 20!!

lillamy

If they're 16 and 20, they're old enough to remember, I think... but that's just me... Mine were like 8 and 12...

Refiner

They're old enough to do things and make these decisions on their own, Butterfly. I'd stay out of it.

FireSprite

Agree!

Butterfly

Thank you everyone that's what I thought just wasnt sure about the right way to handle it

AnvilheadII

I feel sorry for him as he obviously wants the kids to remember it's his birthday and obviously would like to see them.

there you go thinking you know what he's thinking and feeling what you think he's feeling.

if he wants to see his kids, he can call them and make arrangements. he's how old and you are worried about his birthday party????? come on butterfly, it's yet another way you keep yourself HOOKED.

Seren

I'm going to offer a slightly different take. Perhaps your children should be old enough to remember. However, I guess if it were me, and I was asked, I would provide the date.

Thumper

I would not worry about your ex.

What about the kids? If they are going to feel rotten if they forget - remind them. I did not remind my kids (younger but still) of my birthday one year and they felt so bad it broke my heart. I didn't care and I was tired and didn't want to make a cake, lol, so I let it go but they felt so bad. I always remind them now, of everyone's birthdays. In a typical household people talk about or remind each other of these things. You could totally leave it up to them as to what, if anything, they want to do about it.

FeelingGreat

They're obviously capable of remembering, as they've mentioned it lately, so I'd stay out of it. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like they will forget.
If they feel bad, or guilty or whatever, they won't forget next year. I've found for all their wanting to be independent late teen/early 20s are quite willing to rely on parents until the parents step back.