jayman

I need/would like some advice about this situation with my brother. I'm hoping that there are those who've experienced this or have experience with this that can give me some insight or suggestions.

For a little background, I have two younger brothers, one in his mid twenties, the other in his early twenties. I'm ten years older than my youngest brother and have always looked out for him when we were younger. About eight years ago, they moved with my folks about fifteen hours away from where I currently live. My younger brother started going to public schools in an area where there were a lot of unsavory folks, gangs, etc. He was a good kid but started hanging out with the wrong crowd and got into drugs and alcohol. This was about six years ago. Now, he's addicted to cold pills, or something similar. Either way, the effect is similar to PCP or ketamine, which produces hallucinations, dissociation, and sometimes violence. He's been doing this for a long time and the affect on his body and mind is unbelievable. It's gotten to the point where he can't even hold a conversation, much less a job or any other kind of responsibility. He lives with my parents, and has been a constant burden on them. He becomes irritable and sometimes violent to the point where they force him out until he sobers up. There are times where they are afraid of him and what he may try to do. Furthermore, I'm afraid that some or all of the damage to his mind is permanent to the point he can't even comprehend he has a problem.

My problem is how to get through to him. He has to hit "rock bottom", but in his constant state of mind he doesn't even realize what's going on. My dad gave him two months to get it together or he's out, for good. I've spoken with them about their indirect enabling of his habit and they agree. Thing is, if he leaves he will undoubtedly be homeless and still an addict. Rehab is an option, and has been tried twice, but he just leaves after a few days because he doesn't care and wants his next fix. The only direction I see this going is him stealing more cold pills, getting caught and being thrown in jail. The silver lining is that it will get him sober, but I don't want this to get to that point. It's frustrating because i'm so far away and can't help directly and any phone conversation is fruitless.

I'm at a loss of what to do, I even texted him this website and told him it helps me but I don't think he understood what I was talking about. It's so frustrating that I can't do anything. Honestly, I'm at a loss as to what to do.

Thanks for reading this, it helps to talk it out.

MIRecovery

I know this is harsh but what is his motivation to change if he can do exactly what he wants to do with no consequences?

hopeful4

I agree, he has no consequences. He lives w/your mom and dad. They are giving him shelter and must be giving him money too since he has no job. They need him out of their home. One thing you can do is help them find a way to legally evict him if this has been his residence for a period of time. Encourage them to go to Naranon or to a counselor who has dealt with addict behavior.

You are right, he has to hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, you cannot force him there. Once they stop enabling him he may find that rock bottom, he may not.

Don't forget the Three C's (And tell them to your parents):

You did not cause it, you cannot control it, you cannot cure it

Rehab is not working b/c he does not want it. He has to want it, badly, for it to do him any good.

It's so hard, but there it is. Those are the only things that you can do to help your brother and your parents.

jayman

I agree with both of you. He has no consequences to his actions, and threats of being kicked out in past were never followed through. I agree that this has to happen. I thought about inpatient treatment, which would get him sober. But you're right, he has to want it for it to be effective in the long term.