3 days since last drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Manchester_uk
Posts: 7
3 days since last drink.
Hi first post here.
I recently quit my part time job after becoming humiliated and ashamed of my behaviour at the xmas party.
I drank a litre of vodka on Thursday night knowing that I had a job interview the next day. I told myself it was to help me sleep and used medication also to assist. I dragged myself to the interview where there is no way I couldn't have been leaking from my pores. My answers were self righteous and all knowing.
Humiliated by this performance I withdrew the application and drank another half litre that evening before the pub. I don't remember leaving but I know when and what sort of behaviours I display when that intoxicated. I also supplemented this performance with cocaine. I woke up on my floor with a bad head and my laptop strewn across the room. This is where my girlfriend found me and where she promptly left me.
Humiliated by this and feeling somewhat unwell I went for a few morning beers neglecting breakfast. I was in bed of course by midday and back out by that night time feeling self pitying and somewhat out of control.
I took a taxi to my girlfriends house that night calling home to collect a bottle of Bacardi which I drank neat in the taxi en route.
I am completely humiliated to leave the house and I am never sure when I am meeting people if I have met them before or ever been a stark raving unstoppable bastard in their presence. I routinely damage my relationships with those I love and sabotage my own reputation and opportunities.
As far back as I remember I cannot think of any issue/ falling out/ embarrassing incident that hasn't been a direct result of my inability to call it a day.
Whilst I am not alcohol dependant I certainly use it as a crutch for coping with my emotions. Which are ironically usually a result of my behaviour when I drank previously.
I read on AA "one drink is too many and a thousand drinks isn't enough". This sums me up quite nicely.
I have decided to abstain from alcohol and be the productive socially capable person I can be when I do.
I need to not let my arrogance think that I can have one drink because time and again I have proved this is not the case and the amount of drink I am now able to consume is becoming dangerous and leaving me ill, incapacitated for days and in increasingly vulnerable situations.
Hope everyone is well
I recently quit my part time job after becoming humiliated and ashamed of my behaviour at the xmas party.
I drank a litre of vodka on Thursday night knowing that I had a job interview the next day. I told myself it was to help me sleep and used medication also to assist. I dragged myself to the interview where there is no way I couldn't have been leaking from my pores. My answers were self righteous and all knowing.
Humiliated by this performance I withdrew the application and drank another half litre that evening before the pub. I don't remember leaving but I know when and what sort of behaviours I display when that intoxicated. I also supplemented this performance with cocaine. I woke up on my floor with a bad head and my laptop strewn across the room. This is where my girlfriend found me and where she promptly left me.
Humiliated by this and feeling somewhat unwell I went for a few morning beers neglecting breakfast. I was in bed of course by midday and back out by that night time feeling self pitying and somewhat out of control.
I took a taxi to my girlfriends house that night calling home to collect a bottle of Bacardi which I drank neat in the taxi en route.
I am completely humiliated to leave the house and I am never sure when I am meeting people if I have met them before or ever been a stark raving unstoppable bastard in their presence. I routinely damage my relationships with those I love and sabotage my own reputation and opportunities.
As far back as I remember I cannot think of any issue/ falling out/ embarrassing incident that hasn't been a direct result of my inability to call it a day.
Whilst I am not alcohol dependant I certainly use it as a crutch for coping with my emotions. Which are ironically usually a result of my behaviour when I drank previously.
I read on AA "one drink is too many and a thousand drinks isn't enough". This sums me up quite nicely.
I have decided to abstain from alcohol and be the productive socially capable person I can be when I do.
I need to not let my arrogance think that I can have one drink because time and again I have proved this is not the case and the amount of drink I am now able to consume is becoming dangerous and leaving me ill, incapacitated for days and in increasingly vulnerable situations.
Hope everyone is well
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Welcome to SR, 1987. Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking. By leaving alcohol behind, you can put yourself on the path to a brighter future.
You quoted AA? Are you considering it for support?
SR is here for you 24/7/365.
You quoted AA? Are you considering it for support?
SR is here for you 24/7/365.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Manchester_uk
Posts: 7
Thank you all. Still piecing my head back together but I'm slowly beginning to feel human again. I think just looking forward, and using these forums/close family will allow me to not make the same mistakes I have made these last few years. Also I might grow a beard and purchase some sunglasses until I can shift this shame. But there is only one way for me to do that long term
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Manchester_uk
Posts: 7
I am not considering using AA at the moment. I don't think I need such a structured approach. There are times I feel like having a drink but I wouldn't say I have a strong compulsion to do so. Iv never been a daily drinker however when I drink I can loose days, my dignity, friends and a bank account I think that now that I recognise my inability to drink that I can abstain from it. I found a lot of the things that I read regarding AA insightful however and will use their resources on my own
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Manchester_uk
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh 
Welcome to SR, 1987. Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking. By leaving alcohol behind, you can put yourself on the path to a brighter future.
You quoted AA? Are you considering it for support?
SR is here for you 24/7/365.
You quoted AA? Are you considering it for support?
SR is here for you 24/7/365.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Very glad to meet you 1987. I was the same - never knew what might happen once the drinks hit my system. I tried using willpower for years - it always failed. Stopping all together was the only safe thing for me, and it feels great to be free. Good to have you with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome! Glad you found us.
Be careful when you have a couple of weeks sober. Your addictive voice will try to convince you that a few drinks can't hurt. I got caught in this trap too often.
Good luck and looking forward to reading your journey!
Be careful when you have a couple of weeks sober. Your addictive voice will try to convince you that a few drinks can't hurt. I got caught in this trap too often.
Good luck and looking forward to reading your journey!
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