Sad_Hazeleyes

Okay... I went to my first Al-Anon meeting last night, and I was able to relate to many people. However, I found myself getting really anxious and frustrated when people would go off in all directions, and would not stick to the topic, the 6th step. I also felt like some people would monopolize all of the time, even when the moderator would remind everyone to be brief with their share so that everyone would be able to have the opportunity to share. I saw several people leave the meeting early, possible because they realized that they probably would not have the opportunity to share, and there were at least a handful who were not given the opportunity. I was planning on passing my first time, but the rebellious child in me felt like I DESERVED my time as well! Boy does that sound selfish, another character flaw I need to work on I guess. Anyway, I shared very briefly my name, and that this was my first time coming to a meeting, and how I relate to the 6th step, even though I have not even gone through the first five yet. lol I told them that I related to the 6th step because I feel/felt like I have too many character flaws or defects, and that is why I was here tonight. I was also a little embarrassed because I kind of broke down at the end of my share. I felt weak, and I DID NOT want to show weakness, especially in front of people I did not even know. After my share, I was welcomed and encouraged to come back.

During the meeting when I did related to some of the stories, I saw so many flaws that I need to admit to, and give to my HP so he can either help me get rid of them, or turn them around and make them a positive asset. Of course, in order to do this I have to have TRUST in my HP again, and I have not been able to do this yet. I also realized that I needed to stop playing the 'victim', I need to learn to let go of the past, d*mn it, (even though it causes me great pain, it is familiar and I feel comfortable. Why would I want to leave my comfort zone?), and lastly I know that I cannot change the past. The love, attention, self worth etc. that I was seeking all those years as a child, can never be fulfilled the way I want them to be fulfilled, and I have to accept that, but I am still so desperately searching and seeking for all of those things in other people, and when I can’t fulfill those needs, I get angry, resentful, depressed, and I feel unworthy. I can't seem to be able to just let it GO! I know that other people cannot make me happy, and I am the only one who can make ME happy. See... I know and understand all of these things, but D*mn it, I am not ready to give up my pity party yet!

Anyway, I felt welcome and I felt compassion, but I also felt very frustrated during this meeting. Is this common with your first meeting? If they claim to be a 12 step program, are these meetings supposed to stick to the steps and how they relate to you, or are you supposed to share anything and everything, and monopolize all the time? I am still rather new to SA and last night was my first Alan-non meeting. I guess I need some clarity.

Sorry so long, thanks again for letting me VENT, and ask some questions too.

Sad_Hazeleys

P.S.

I still can't believe that I actually went to the meeting! I guess my HP and the encouragement of several people from SA gave me the strength to go. Thanks.

best

No matter what the subject is. No matter what the meeting is for. Just showing up we can learn. Going with an attitude that we have something to share is good. Going there and taking stuff home (learning) is better.
Even a bad preacher can give a good message, though I may need to listen a bit harder. The effort to show up is a step toward learning, in and of itself.

Congratulatiions on the first meeting. Your on a road that will show you and teach you much.


In my opinion... the tears speak louder then any words you could have said. I am sure you touched many hearts *Smile*

angelwings

i feel exactly the same way. congrats on your courage, havnt got there yet myself. still at the pity party. need to vent on someone write me and we can share sob stories, and find a way to smile today. lol
angelwings

KelKel

Hey Sad
So happy to read that you went to a meeting.

There may be other meetings in your area that are smaller or feel more comfortable to you.
I love the big crazy one's, I am always amazed to look around me and realize that we are all in the same darn boat.

people are always going to talk about what is pertinent to them in their recovery or where they are right then.

There are meetings that only discuss the steps and traditions, they are a study group.

So chin up and keep workin' it!

Magichappens

Sad,
I got frustrated at meetings regularly until I realized that I was concentrating more on how I wanted things to go than on listening for what I was supposed to hear for that hour. If I get an opportunity to share, I try to stick to the guidelines of the meeting, but some people just aren't capable of doing that. I don't think they are trying to mess up, but they aren't able to get to the point, stay on topic, or whatever their deal is. We all have faults, and theirs just happen to show up at meetings. In time, if they continue to come to Al-Anon, they will grow and mature. We all have to have time to recover. Just because they were there before you doesn't mean they are more recovered. I just try to listen to the people who have what I want, and try to be understanding of the people who are still struggling. Hugs, Magic
PS Congratulations on going to your first meeting. Give it a chance. It might be the best thing you ever did for yourself. M