LemonGirl

Wow! What an odd morning I have had. I woke up super early and needed to run to the market so I could make a nice big breakfast for my mom and two daughters.

I broke up with my abf a few weeks ago. One of my reasons was that back in November, I got a call from his roommate saying, "You need to come pick up your boyfriend. He just shot a gun off in my house and lied about it!" I got to him just 20 minutes later (we lived close by), to see the other male roommate kicking the living C*** out of him! I jumped into crisis mode and got in front of that man and gently pleaded that he stopped. My abf was almost beaten to death. There was blood everywhere. The man kept saying, "he needs to be taught a lesson!" The whole thing traumatized me and had a spiral of repercussions that my ex is still dealing with.
Now, I'm all for their anger about the gun going off, but their physical reaction was really awful and NOT okay, so I still harbor ill feelings towards those people for how they reacted.
Well, cutting past that story, he went to the hospital. Having no immediate place to go and being in so much pain, my ex ended up at my place for about 3-4 days after being in the hospital for 4 days. Well, his soon to be ex wife got word of this and felt bad so she texted him saying she hopes he is alright, etc. She also snooped his FB, and even though he and I were not "public" about the relationship, she put two and two together figured I was his gf. So... I was there when he parked down the street to serve her his divorce papers. That was months ago; he said they had been split up for about a year before he and I started dating. But her seeing me as a gf on FB triggered something really odd in her, and because the divorce is yet to finalize, she has since hired a PI that has had me followed and has taken pictures at my place. All of that news transpired to me just days before I was ready to break up with him.

I go to the store. HOLY FLIPPIN COW! SHE parks right next to me!!!!! My heart went racing! Was it a sign??? Was I supposed to run into her? Ask her questions? What about giving her reason to pursue her whole PI thing; that would screw his career! And do I still love him to where I don't want to screw up his career (military)? Or am I willing to get my own answers answered for what their relationship was really like, or when it really ended?

I went shopping. I did not run into her. I got a pack of smokes (yeah...my bad habit I adopted while dating the ex). I shopped quickly, but then something in me wanted to talk to her. So I said to myself, "smoke a cigarette. If she comes out while you are still here, you were meant to talk to her." She never came. BUT, a man named M*** came up and asked to bum a cigarette. We got to talking. Turns out he was out job hunting and is living in a sober living house. So we ended up talking all sorts of supportive steps we are both taking. It was soooo cool how all of that turned around. He asked for my number. I told him, "thanx, but I need to be in my shell a while so I can sort things out. But good luck!"

So, she never came. I took the experience to mean that my guts were telling me something was very wrong about the whole ex-wife thing, and I probably shouldn't believe what he has told me about how his relationship with her was, or when it ended. At the very least, I recognized that I am indeed worried about that. AND, it felt good to turn down this charming young man. Another possible addict? NO THANX!

DesertEyes

Wow, HMA, thanks for sharing that. It sounds to me like you are handling everything with grace and serenity. I _like_ what you said about needing to be in your "shell" for awhile, I think I may borrow that line

Mike

freetosmile

You know what I got out of your entire post? YOU were putting a hell of a lot of trust in HP!! Good on ya!!

That is also what I'm striving for right now- more trust, more communication, more EVERYTHING with my HP. And I have gotten some WONDERFUL results. Not even tangible, I can SEE evidence...but evidence that I can FEEL. And actually, that was the evidence I was looking for.

We came here and we said "I'm so tired of FEELING this way". Yeah the finances suck, the vehicles suck, and the whole nine...but more over the FEELINGS sucked. I can handle crappy finances and broke down cars IF I'm happy. HP is really helping me find some inner peace and damn am I grateful for that.

You keep it up girlie. Trust and follow. Trust and follow and HP won't steer you wrong. I heard in al anon today- God won't ever give us more than we can handle but He sure as hell will give us more than we can control!!!

hugs!

LemonGirl

Ha! I love that! Thanx! Thank you both for the encouragement. I need it in the droves!