Charliee

I feel like I'm falling into a depression and I can't stop it. I keep finding myself dwelling on the past and cannot seem to get over this guilt. When I start to move on, I find myself feeling guilty because I am moving past it and I don't deserve to be happy. It's so frustrating !

Jupiters

Sorry to hear you're struggling so much Charlie.
Do you have anyone to talk to? Counsellor?
I'm a "dweller of the past" as well. I'm getting better, but if I allow my mind to wander too much, I have to be very diligent in bringing it back to now.
Can't change anything I have done/said...or NOT done/said for that matter. It is hard to reconcile.
hang in there

courage2

What are you doing to get out of yourself? Are you getting f2f support? Have you talked to a doctor?

Ruby2

Hi Charliee! I'm sorry you are feeling down. I always shoot myself in the foot when things are going too well. It's scary. You are worth it but you have to believe it. You can't change anything that's happened. We can only learn from it so as to not repeat. Are you doing anything for yourself to distract your thoughts? Hang in there.

Soberwolf

Hi Charliee have you spoke to a Dr about possible counselling

Were all here for you bud

Anna

Charlie, it's possible that journaling might help you work through some of your feelings. And, you do deserve a good life. We all do.

Charliee

I don't have a counselor anymore and my husband is out of town a lot so when he's home I don't want to lay any extra stress or worry on him. I feel very alone in this

JT0626

(((hugs)))

Someone suggested journaling....have you tried that? I may get into again, I used to journal some years ago & quit. When I journaled it really helped me see my progress, when I looked at my entries from months before I could see my growth. It was very empowering for me. Try it out!

Soberpotamus

Forcing myself to do things every day, establishing a routine, and exercising moderately really helped me. Are you exercising at all?

Jupiters

I need to start journaling too. Been putting that off for, well...years!

Exercise? I find even a good walk can do wonders. I'm so sorry you feel so alone

Charliee

I will try to start journaling again, I will try anything at this point. I feel like I'm running out of options and the bottom is falling out right under me

PurpleKnight

You don't deserve to be happy?? . . . of course you do, everyone does!!

Dee74

If things aren't getting much better maybe you can go back to your Dr and get another referral to your old counsellor or a new one if you prefer Charliee?

D

Charliee

I really don't have the extra funds for that right now. I may start hitting some meetings again, I'm not really sure what to do. ...

Mikie9

Hey Charliee, when I get like this, I lay down on the couch and watch something stupid on tv. Eat some ice cream or something. Sometimes in recovery I have had to unplug. My thoughts still go full steam, but I focus on doing nothing. Sounds silly when we are wanting to accomplish something, but my brain isn't capable during these times.

That sounds very sad etc... but when I wake the next morning I feel refreshed, like my body overruled my mind. This is early stuff, but when I think back to my child hood, when I was tired and "sad", this is what I did...and then I found alcohol and never had to feel that "mood" again. I sure am glad to being back to before alcohol, it isn't easy during these times, but it is me at least

EndGameNYC

Hi Charliee.

You sound restless.

"Moving on" or "letting go" (in this case, letting go of the past) is neither a conclusion of the mind nor an isolated event. It's more about living the life we set out to live.

I don't know what it is for you, personally, to "move on," but it might be time for you to tinker with this.

If you're okay with AA, then I think it's a splendid idea for you to get yourself to a meeting.

As for the elephant in the room, drinking is not an option and will only make things much worse for you.

Charliee

Thanks for the support! I really needed to hear from you guys.The loneliness gets so overwhelming sometimes. ...

Soberwolf

You always have us Charliee

(((Charliee)))

EndGameNYC

Yes, it is.

You've struggled throughout your first year, sometimes teetering on the edge, yet you've remained sober.

If you can get yourself to visit here more often than you have recently, you might just find that it helps you, and that it provides motivation for other people who are struggling to remain sober.

Keep up the good work.

Kris47

Grab on to us here and get to meetings. I have dealt with depression for a very long time. Getting out of myself and helping others in little ways help me the most. Do find things that you like to do. Get out for a walk, go to the library, read a good book, watch a comedy. Visit a friend or call.