helpimalive

Well guys. I went to a bar on Friday night and ended up having unprotected sex with a stranger who happened to be black. One in sixteen black men have HIV in their lifetimes. It's probably more than 1/16 in south Florida because south Florida is one of the HIV capitals of the US. (Please don't think I'm racist, I swear to god that's not it, it's a statistical thing.) So there's a decent chance I caught it.

And I don't remember any of it, really, so it's like now this thing that I basically never actually experienced might be the thing that kills me.

I can't stop thinking how this wouldn't have happened if I'd just stayed sober back in November when I'd put almost two weeks together.

I've lost everything in my life except my parents and sister, and now I might have a deadly illness, and all for literally no reason other than I can't seem to ******* prevent myself from getting wasted constantly. It's almost funny, how thoroughly, efficiently, and speedily I've managed to mess up my life. I'm definitely a professional at this life ruining business. I should get business cards.

Let's just say I feel pretty low today, and there's no ******* way I'm drinking anything any time soon, with how I feel. Today is day 2. But Christ sobriety seems beside the point and too little too late at this stage.

Sorry to post something so self-absorbed and decidedly not-inspirational.

PurpleKnight

No point in getting into a panic and speculating on something that may not be the case.

Where I come from HIV tests are run by a local clinic, they are fairly straight forward with a blood test and the result is known in a few days, certainty will help that anxiety rather than the fear of the unknown.

Make this your turning point with regards Sobriety, alcohol it sounds is doing you no favours!! You can do this!!

suki44883

Stop future tripping. Get yourself checked and then do it again in six months. As PK said, use this as a turning point regarding sobriety.

tealfox

Just Breath. Think about what was the reason and remember not to let that happen again. Don't beat yourself up anymore than you are. Tomorrow is another day. A clean slate.

savarna

we all have done silly things in drunken states heaven knows i have. its unlikely u have a disease. my auntys husband had aids and they always had unprotected sex (before she knew) and she never caught it. Although its possible its not always definite. And the fact is this guy may not even have it. dust yourself off and start again sweety.

Dee74

It really doesn't matter a damn who you had sex with, or what their ethnicity was.
Get yourself tested, and treat this as your turning point, helpimalive.

D

ChancesAh

It's important that you take control now in dealing with this - no one else can. Whilst statistics of 1/16 are accurate they don't allow for percentage or risked fluctuations between those who do and practice safe sex and those who don't. It's very important you seek treatment now

Thepatman

Cross the bridge if / when it's time. Right now there is no other bridge in sight than the sobriety one.

Be kind to yourself, by first forgiving yourself. Mistakes are not mistakes unless repeated. They are experience.

omenapt

there is something new called PREP for immediate treatment after potential exposure . You might investigate with a DR or a clinic.It supposedly can kill of any virus within a short window of time. I have only read abou it.

Lance40

Get to a clinic or emergency room immediately. There is a window of time, generally up to 72 hours where post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) can be highly effective in preventing HIV infection in case of an exposure to the virus. Do not take a chance; go now - even if you read this after 72 hours have passed.

mns1

helpimalive in each of your posts you imply that you are beyond repair, and yet here you are. Your worth is not defined by your past. You can choose to pull yourself out of this, but as long as you keep blaming yourself for your losses, you will make that choice very difficult for yourself.

Sobriety is as on point as anything. And now is as good a time as ever to give it all you've got.

Mikie9

Fight my friend. I strongly believe being sober is easier than being drunk and doing stupid stuff while drunk. I have yet to regret an action I have taken while sober.

Figure out where you want to be in life, get tested and thank your luck if you haven't contracted a disease, created a child, or worse, degraded yourself.

Leave it all behind. Or, continue on like you have been. Things just get worse, believe me.

Tonks

Go to a clinic and when they offer you Combivir, you take it religiously. Don't screw around on this.

Dee74

Just a reminder guys - experience only please - no medical advice.

D

Jsbodhi

Do this!! I was just learning about this in my HIV course in school!
You're probably going to be fine xoxo

Soberwolf

I agree with the others get tested

good luck

savarna

this!!!!

Mrrryah1

I'm just going to share my own experience, which I hope might bring u a little bit of peace of mind.

I was at a resort in Cuba a few years back and god stupidly drunk and had completely unprotected sex, multiple times, with one of the resort workers. The guy happened to be black, and was pretty much right off the boat from Kenya (AFRICA) - heavy african accent, everything.

I thought I had HIV/AIDS for years and didn't tell anyone. I was honestly too scared to go get check and I lived in constant fear of this illness - which it turns out - I didn't even have.

This is only one of MANY times I thought I might have caught HIV - everything from sharing needles to unprotected sex with ALOT of men in my addiction. And I'm clean as a whistle....

Be kind to yourself - obviously nobody on this forum can diagnose you and it's important to get checked out - but I'm telling you, the odds and likelihood are probably alot alot alot better than you think.

Anna

Just to reiterate Dee's comment...

Anna

This thread is now closed.