blueyes618

So, it was pretty inevitable that I relapsed. I knew I wasn't mentally strong enough to stay away from alcohol for good. Just like every major crisis in my life I deal with the consequences, swear off the bad behavior, stay at it for a few months and then boom, I'm right back where I started.

Things in my life aside from my alochol issue have been disastrous to say the least. For any of you who have read my previous posts it's known that my boyfriend is in GA and we have been battling the reprucussions of his gambling. And now, to make matters just so much easier, he has been laid off of work for the winter and I am the one paying all the bills. He has no money saved whatsoever since he decided to gamble it all away. So here I am, working two jobs to not only pay for myself, but also for him.

Since he hasn't been working he has been home every single day. We have been cooped up together 24/7 and finally I had enough. My girlfriends from work invited me and my boyfriend out, and I thought it would be great to get out of the house for a few hours. Long story short, when we were out my one glass of wine turned into 5, my boyfriend had a few beers in the span of 4 hours (he isn't much of a drinker if we are out) and although we had a fun night, it didn't end that way. My boyfriend got pulled over on our way home (I was too drunk to drive obviously) and ended up getting a DUI. We initially got pulled over because my left tail light was out, and my bf admitted to drinking when asked. He passed all field sobriety tests, but that wasn't enough. The cop charged him. To make matters worse neither of us could drive home which meant we had to call someone. That someone happened to be my dad, at 3:15 in the morning. Lucky for us, he wasn't that upset about it.

Overall, I am SO mad at myself for drinking even one drop of alcohol. I should have stayed sober like I have been and just had a normal night out and been the DD. But no, I have to drink to relieve stress and fit in with the crowd (when in all honesty no one I was with would have cared if I didn't drink). I feel so guilty that my BF got the DUI, because it should have been me driving. He is looking at major lawyer fees, court costs, and even possible jail time- and it is absolutely heart breaking.
It's been a week now and still no booze, but it's not easy. I refuse to go to AA (I have my reasons) and there will be another post about that shortly. And I am in the midst of finding a new addictions counselor. I have such resentment toward myself and right now all I have is SR. Apologies for the long post, but had to get it out.

Anna

You had 75 sober days and you can do it again. Having a more positive outlook could have really helped you get through the tough time. You need a lot of motivation to recover and to make the right choices about people and places in early recovery. I hope you decide that being sober is the most important thing.

retiredusaf

Sorry you have to go through all of this. Many have said that we have to hit bottom before we quit drinking. Maybe this is the bottom for you? Come back here often for support.

Copper442

Hey, please don't beat yourself up too much. Those 75 days are not lost. Clearly some things you were doing were working otherwise you wouldn't have made it that far. Reassess and power on. We will always find a reason to drink. But there is never a reason to drink. You can do this.

Soberwolf

I agree with Anna

PurpleKnight

Don't beat yourself up!! Go at things again!!

For me I needed to change up my plan a few times to make Sobriety happen, you can do it too!!

deadlydame

Hey Blueeyes, you need to be kinder to yourself. quitting drugs or alcohol is one if not the hardest thing we'll ever have to go through. You relapsed one night but the thing you need to focus on is that you are back, that's your strength right there. so don't beat yourself down.

upminer

It's not down the drain! I had 77 days sober in 2012 not trying to quit not wanting to quit I just didn't drink after the holidays and stuck with it until then. It was not wasted as I constantly look back on that time and see what drove me back to thinking I could drink... Restart the clock and give it a go. In 76 days you'll be proud of yourself!