Butterfly

Wasn't going to go last night with friends as I really can't be bothered doing things just want to hide away but I woke up yesterday feeling positive, and thought yeah it would do me good to get out with chums. I had a lovely relaxing day, long bath, read my book, got the kids a Chinese for dinner and put my glad rags on.

I was having a lovely night, good fun lots of laughs but the last hour I became a blubbering mess, came home and continued crying, woke up today and cried most of the morning. I only had a few drinks, 4/5 I don't drink much anymore actually haven't for years. I am just really struggling with the feelings of hurt, disappointment and with how's he has treated me and I can't seem to get over it!!

I had a few drinks and I'm feeling awful how do alcoholics drink to block things out how does alcohol not make them feel worse!!

SparkleKitty

Again with the "can't", Butterfly!

My friend. This is not a catastrophe or a massive setback or anything. Pure and simple, this is just 4-5 drinks with a low tolerance + a lot of changes over the past year. It is part of the process. You are and will be ok.

freetosmile

oh butterfly:

You totally rock by the way. I think last night was just a reminder to you. maybe you just aren't ready to go out and engage in the same behavior that brought you sooo much pain. Of course HIS behavior was way different than yours- you CAN have 4-5 drinks.....but maybe it just overwhelmed you.

I say, allow yourself to cry...you were having a crying spell about a month ago, if I recall. You seemed to have gotten over that and now round two is on the way. Just allow yourself to feel this way and then pick yourself up like you have ALWAYS done.

Your doing great girlie and I'm so proud of you.

Hugs xxxxxx

ShootingStar1

Sometimes I think that each moment of happiness, each smile, rinses away another moment of grief.

Keep smiling, Butterfly, and the grief will wash away. It doesn't happen in a day, a month or a year, but it does happen.

Maybe the way to look at this is that you had 12+ good, happy, contented hours for one or two bad ones? Bet that's a different proportion than 6 months ago...

ShootingStar1

LemonGirl

It does make them feel worse. They get to "feel" for however small a moment that nice relaxing feeling that alcohol can bring, or that "I am free without a care in the world" feeling that alcohol can bring.... And somehow, that belief continues, but the actual feeling of it gets smaller and smaller... So they begin lying to themselves about the awful hangovers, the emotional turmoil, the pain.... They don't acknowledge it and continue to drink, all the while hoping that it will bring relief for the pain, when in reality, the alcohol is only adding to it. Adding to the problems inside that he/she is ignoring and won't deal with. Eventually, alcohol just takes over and the person becomes lost to the addiction.

I know that when I drink, if I am upset about something, it just makes me all the more emotional. And the next day, whatever it was I was upset about is still there. I can choose to deal with the pain and what is causing it, or I can choose to cover it up with more drinks, or maybe since I am a codie, I can just look for another relationship to come fix my life. Ugh!

I do hope you're not being too hard on yourself. This is all just part of the grieving process... Even if it seems to come in waves. Are you in a better place now than you were four months ago? I'm betting you are, even if these feelings seem residual...

Thumper

You can't get over it - gotta walk through it. Keep walking and eventually it is behind you.

When my emotions are raw I get the same way with a few drinks. It was 12-18 months before I'd drink more than one drink.

Butterfly

Thank you everyone. I suppose I need to take the positives from yesterday and not focus on the negatives I had a lovely day doing something for myself.

Sorry sparklekitty I didn't even realise I'd used the word can't lol.

Freetosmile thanks, I still cry quite a bit but nowhere near the level I was previously and yes when I need to cry I do I just wish I didn't want to especially when I'm out IT would be nice to spend a few hrs not thinking or having all this going on in the background. Does that make sense I seem to go through the motions but it's always there, always on my mind.

I know I can't get over this and I need to go through it and when I say I just can't seem to get over it what I mean is come to terms with it all.

One thing about last night was that I didn't spend the night texting him and ringing him to make sure he wasn't drinking or drunk and panicking if I couldn't get hold of him, and spending the whole night worrying, like I did when we were together and that was nice.

Alcohol definitely seems to make me more emotional and I think il give it a miss until I'm feeling better.

Thank you everyone

hopeful4

Honey, alcohol is a depressant. If you don't drink much, just 4-5 drinks can definitely kick that in for you. So on top of your raw feelings, it's completely understandable.

Maybe meet them at a funky coffee shop or something next time until you are ready for that type of environment. Just recently I went to a game night with some girlfriends. We have a friend who is prego so she cannot drink, so we decided to make fun coffee drinks and virgin drinks instead. It was a blast. You definitely don't need booze to still have fun!

It's ok to cry my friend. It's healing.

FlippedRHalo

Alcohol has a different effect on the non-alcoholic as compared to the alcoholic.

I enjoy having a cocktail here and there, but at this point, I won't even dare. I know exactly where it'll lead...and that would be right smack into an emotional mess.

This isn't a set back - it's just the depressant effects of alcohol working on you. Cry, let it get out of your system and realize that for a while, it's probably better for you to do non-alcohol related things with friends. It's just too raw right now and alcohol tends to turn raw feelings into a bloody emotional train wreck.

You're ok girl, just regroup and breathe.

FireSprite

I definitely CANNOT drink even a little bit if I'm feeling emotional in any way. So, yeah, I don't get how others "hide" their problems by drinking because mine just seem magnified about 100x over after a couple of drinks & I end up feeling really awful. I've had to learn that the hard way too Butterfly; no drinks for me during those times.

I hope you are feeling better today!

Butterfly

Thank you and yes I was feeling better until this morning, just posted about it. I've learned no drink for me for a while Not when I'm feeling this way.

HollyC88

Alcohol makes me feel more emotional then normal so I feel your pain.

I still cry everynight. Don't be so hard on yourself(like I am) you're grieving...

Keep your head up, and the positive energy will stick!

Butterfly

Thank you holly maybe you should try to be gentler on yourself aswell.

Timeiskey

Butterfly,

It sounds to me that you were in good spirits when you went out. For me, 4-5 drinks pretty much puts me under. So, at the end of the night, all that I was trying to get away from by going out for some fun, just comes flooding back in. I understand. And the worst is that I will definitely feel the effects the next day, and it is glum. Maybe a little exercise the next day if you go out again and feel blue afterwards. But, you know, its all part of the healing process. A few steps forward, a blue day back. I am with you. I can go out now and have a few drinks. I can go out and not have a few drinks. I may cry or not cry either way. But, the tears are slowing down immensely. I hope the same for you sweetheart.

Butterfly

Thank you timeiskey yes the tears are definitely slowing down still have days where it feels that they aren't but I'm coming to terms with those days and I accept them as just that a day or a few hours where I feel not so great and I cry. Trying not to dwell on those days and accept its a process

Timeiskey

Butterfly,
Oh yes, I have brave moments and weak moments, but I am making better choices. For me, there was a recent realization (I am almost 7 months out but remember he lives next door) but I realized after Christmas that I have been in denial. Not about the relationship being over, but about the kind of person he is...I found it hard to accept that he isn't a good person. I don't mean to judge the content of his character, but at least when it comes to how he treats and views me, he is not a good person. That acceptance has gone a long way in helping me to get "unstuck". Four more days and I get to move. It has me in tears at points and so excited in other moments. But I accept that it is all about the process of healing Be kind to yourself.

FeelingGreat

Hey Butterfly, you're not a professional like I was, lol, so that many drinks is going to unleash a floodgate. I'm surprised you were still vertical actually. Probably did you good though.
Glad the tears are slowing down in general though. That's got to be a positive thing.

Butterfly

It is feelinggreat and yes I was surprised I haven't had a drink in about 6 months but it did feel good to get out with friends and relax and do something for me. Until the tears started I had a really good laugh.

Butterfly

Good for you timeiskey growing in your recovery and moving forward, moving will be hard but giving yourself some real space from him will do you the world of good ((((hugs))))