'Quitting Drinking' is not always the best solution
'Quitting Drinking' is not always the best solution
I tried many times to quit drinking. All of those attempts ended with me drinking again. Why? Because in my mind I was giving something up and that sense of loss always gnawed at me. I hated the feeling that I was losing something I held dear (however foolishly) for many years.
True success came when I reframed the issue in my head. Instead of giving up drinking I decided to give myself a better life. From this perspective I was gaining something, not losing something. I found this to be helpful in keeping a positive mental outlook.
Did I have to forfeit drinking in order to have a better life? Of course I did. Just like a lotto winner forfeited the price he paid for his ticket. The loss is inconsequential compared to the gain.
Sorry for baiting you with the subject line.
True success came when I reframed the issue in my head. Instead of giving up drinking I decided to give myself a better life. From this perspective I was gaining something, not losing something. I found this to be helpful in keeping a positive mental outlook.
Did I have to forfeit drinking in order to have a better life? Of course I did. Just like a lotto winner forfeited the price he paid for his ticket. The loss is inconsequential compared to the gain.
Sorry for baiting you with the subject line.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,287
Such a great post! I had the exact same experience. I have quit or "cut down" on drinking many times in the past. But it was only when I replaced alcohol with the life I wanted (which, conveniently, could not be obtained or maintained by drinking) that I really saw progress.
As I get further into my sobriety I am starting to see that not drinking is the first step. It is a crucial step, but just the first.
Thank you again for this post and all your wisdom, Brian. You always give me a lot to think about, couched in a positive and supportive way.
As I get further into my sobriety I am starting to see that not drinking is the first step. It is a crucial step, but just the first.
Thank you again for this post and all your wisdom, Brian. You always give me a lot to think about, couched in a positive and supportive way.
So very true! If you feel you are being deprived of something, you will be at war with yourself forever! Remind yourself of the many ways that alcohol has no true benefits and so many real costs. And thank God the nightmare is over and you are free from the trap forever!
Exactly me experience as well. Thank you so much for putting it into words. I think this is the greatest gift we can impart to those struggling or new. It's just a shift in thinking is all (at least that's how it worked for me). Seems so simple now but oh the many years I fought it. We learn when we're supposed to. I give thanks every, single day that my time is here & I am open to the lesson.
I think most folks all to often look at "quitting" as giving up something. A much more positive way to look at it is "starting' something and becoming involved in other things/life in general. Making a huge effort at living life fully pays big dividends. To do this one doesn't want anything to get in the way. If I approach things this way, I am not giving up anything, there is just no place for it. There is no appeal.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Great post. I'm presently moving toward that mindset, meaning I know it's the proper way to think, but I still sometimes slip into the "giving up" mode. Thinking of all the positives is a much better way to go. Thanks for writing what you did.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
Thanks for this post. This has become a foundation of my recovery as well. Drinking was a symptom of a life problem, and not drinking is one of the basic ground rules to give me the time, space and energy to solve the real issues that led me to drink. I may never get them fully solved, but if they aren't exposed and given focused attention then I will relapse.
For me, it was finding something more fulfilling to do with my time. Sure I would have liked to have a couple of beers on the golf course today, but only in that brief moment. If I would have done that, the rest of the day/night would have either been spent recovering(not doing anything), or continued drinking(not doing anything and tomorrow sucks, plus add in whatever bs my drunk self came up with).
It hasn't been about quitting drinking for me, it has been about waking up, and fighting that urge to catch a buzz. That buzz doesn't stop after the golf round, or the dinner, or the brief period of boredom for me. One hour of "buzzed relaxation" costs me 10 hours of regret and dealing with it, if I am lucky. I have yet to be lucky. It always ended up being just being drunk and pretending my life away. Everything is great when drunk. Or it is horrible. Either way, it isn't me, and I choose to not do that anymore. Sucks some days, but it is better.
It hasn't been about quitting drinking for me, it has been about waking up, and fighting that urge to catch a buzz. That buzz doesn't stop after the golf round, or the dinner, or the brief period of boredom for me. One hour of "buzzed relaxation" costs me 10 hours of regret and dealing with it, if I am lucky. I have yet to be lucky. It always ended up being just being drunk and pretending my life away. Everything is great when drunk. Or it is horrible. Either way, it isn't me, and I choose to not do that anymore. Sucks some days, but it is better.
Great thinking, Nons. I definitely saw it as giving something up, losing all the 'fun' from my life. Who was I kidding - it hadn't been fun in many years. Once I stopped feeling sorry for myself & grieving over what used to be, I was able to shake free of it's grip.
Thank you for putting it so well.
Thank you for putting it so well.
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