The ways you knew...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
The ways you knew...
How did you guys know your significant other had relapsed? Would like to hear as I am hearing all sorts of blame and projection lately-don't want to assume but my gut tells me it's just not feeling right...
Thanks for checking in!
Thanks for checking in!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
My husband appears to not be drinking lately and has been more *here*. However, he hasn't reached out for help and frequently leaves the house about the time he used to drink to do *errands*. I'm not holding my breath and have been working with an addiction therapist and going to al anon so if he relapses I am in a better place to do what needs doing. I'm too tired to keep going through the heavy drinking again. He doesn't appear to be inebriated when he gets home but has gone through dry spells before. Not sure whats going to happen...that is in the future. I'm getting those ducks in a row to be safe. Hope you find peace in your life. I'm working for mine.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
His demeanor changed. He was more easily agitated, distant. Started rationalizing reasons to be in the bar, even if he wasn't drinking. Said he didn't need AA anymore, could do it on his own. He lost the sense of peace he carried when he was really working his program. I could just feel it in the energy around him, the way he carried himself, the look in his eyes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Mine avoids me. He gets very distant. Won't answer phone and would rather text which is not like him. The next sign is he eyes. They never lie to me. Then the smell of vodka on him. Has a sickening sweet smell to it, it's unmistakable. The way he talks in circles, asking the same innocent question over and over.
It's been awhile but I know the signs.
It's been awhile but I know the signs.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
My husband is a closet drinker so when he relapsed he started picking arguments with me. Little things like if I said the sky was blue he would argue the color of blue. I felt I constantly had to restate something I said because he took everything I said wrong making it a debate/argument. Enough of that had my gut telling me he was drinking again. It wasn't until he walked in stumbling drunk that I trusted my gut. I will trust my gut instinct from here on because it has been right each time I've questioned it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
When we lived together I could tell right away. He won't make eye contact, isolates, claims he has everything under control and drinking is no longer an issue, and repeats himself a lot. A dead give away is when he just plops in front of Sports Center for hours and has it turned up to a deafening volume.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by Catherine628 
A dead give away is when he just plops in front of Sports Center for hours and has it turned up to a deafening volume.
He used to look to bait a fight to justify the drink. But as I learnt how not get hooked, he gave up on that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
Mine hasn't actually stopped drinking (because he doesn't really have a problem), but I can tell when he has tipped over the edge by the tone of his voice (we are living apart, just waiting for the divorce papers to be OK'd by the judge) over the phone. Last night, I suspected that he had reached that point; he was angry because DD did not arrive at his house yet, and told her to spend the night with me. This morning he called, very early, and wanted to know where she was. He had blacked out, prior to the phone call from the previous evening. Just one more thing to let me know that I made the right decision.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 117
OMG, the flipping mouthwash. Mine is also a closet drinker, so the mouthwash is a dead giveaway for me. Also, his repeated use of the word "bull****" when I tell him I know he's been drinking. He also says my name over and over and over again. He stares blankly at me as if I'm speaking a foreign language. His table manners are deplorable. He falls asleep wherever he is and snores loudly.
Basically, I am totally repulsed by his drinking behavior.
Basically, I am totally repulsed by his drinking behavior.
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