RedneckRoo/My Story ... Part One
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East of ole Miss
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RedneckRoo/My Story ... Part One
Journey to Peace What it was Like Part One RedneckRoo
I am the youngest of 13...well 8... I am an only child...depending on who you ask. My mother has married 5 times which I have many brothers and sisters so to say I am confused from a young age was an understatement. Now I will say I come from a family of 8 and I am the baby who had his first taste of alcohol at the age of 7. I did that one taste and loved it but did not continue to touch until the brilliant age of 13 when it became a regular occurrence.
I lived in a small town of 800 people. I was raised in a middle class home both parents working and it was normal on the outward appearance. Now to anyone would say this is a great family but truth be told it is the definition of dysfunction to what society says is normal.
At the age of 11, my parents had separated and ask myself and my older brother where we would rather live. My mother moved to the city of 100K people and closer to the other siblings, and my older brother chose to move there leaving only myself and my father. This is where the education of myself started. I was sat down and told " You have a choice now which will effect the rest of your life and those around you". "Would you like to move with your mother who treats the others better than you and always will and take advantage of the money as any woman will do to you in your life, so dont trust women, your mother or anyone who wants to talk to you about money" OR "Would you rather stay here with me and stay in this house with the pool?"
Well, I chose my mother. To be close to my family, my brother, and my friends who I had met in the city on weekend visits.
One week to the day, March 16TH, 1981 My father shot himself with a 22 in the head and a 12 gauge shotgun to the chest.
Guilt was a new feeling to me at the age of 11. and I did not know how to cope other than seclusion, isolation, built up anger, and strict confidentiality issues of trusting another person with details on my life. After 6 months and my 12th birthday spent in the hospital for my third kidney operation, my mother remarried to assist with coping and get through her grief and put a man in our lives for a role model. The role model was a lousy golfer and I can say he had many handicaps which one was that the drinking of booze every weekend to play the game and when he was inebriated to where he could not play and would lose to his friends he would return home. He was a powerful man who had the talents and expertise to hold myself and my mother by our throats to the wall til we would turn blue and pass out. This was a weekend routine until I found the escape route at the ripe age of 13.
The escape pattern as many have chosen, the alcohol and the wonders of how it cures all and fixes everything at the moment to a point of removing anything evil and terrible no matter the path or choices. Alcohol does not judge anyone or discriminate.
I was a weekend warrior and could escape to a place where i was accepted and could accept myself. I did build courage one time and have the guts to approach the golfer about the holding by the throat til blue....it cost me a mothers love, a fee fines in court and meeting a man in a black dress who said I was better off sent to a boot camp for military discipline to learn to treasure and respect my elders and what they provide for me. After a grudge match and 6 weeks in the camp I was rescued yet again from my aunt and uncle from another city who lived close to the camp...not to mention they liked to party and be at the beach which was right beside the camp and seen the booze as only something a young man will use and experiment with not an evil coping mechanism. To this day I thank them both, my aunt is 90 today and my uncle died a few years back at the age of 89 the same year he had his birthday party then went skydiving. He was a brilliant man and I would only hope one day to be half the man he was and I strive for it daily.
At the age of 15. my mother asked em to move home and they would control the beatings to not happen as she promised. It was myself seeking the acceptance of her love who chose to go back and give that chance and hope alive, it lasted 2 weeks. I was blue and packing in the end of the second weekend. I grabbed a duffle bag and my homework from my room and left.
I lived with friends and family for a few months until I was forced back home from legal authorities to return or go to foster care. I was promised yet again these would not happen but the beatings continued. I then started to become a man at age of 16 by the laws in Canada, so on my birthday I was given a card from my mother who sat eagerly for me to be happy and open it. It said Happy Birthday to my son. I love you but your a man now. You have 2 weeks to get a job, start paying rent or move out. This lead to my moving out at sixteen with my belongings, my one bag and knapsack of books for school.
I had enough sense to know where I felt welcomed and that was the library and school. I moved under a bridge, slept in a box or under the overpass and did my homework at school, on my breaks , in the library or during the light from the pallets we burnt in the can for light and heat under the bridge. My grades slipped a little but I finally got through my last year of school and not having to report where I was. I found peace in the bottle during the time on the streets but not until self control allowed me time to finish homework and tutor those who needed it. Tutoring gave me warmth in their homes, and chance to shower if I was close enough to them and would lie to them why i couldnt at home.
By 21, I got my sense at moments of clarity and at age of 18 I managed to have my savings and what corrupt things I had not been caught for tallied where i was able to buy enough inventory and start a small business of an ice cream shop. It was a lot of lies to start but by the end of the 3rd summer i had 5 shops and a new home, 2 new cars and a fiance who I married at 21. We had accumulated about 400,000 in a very short period and I had beaten all obstacles of the world which could throw at me. I was King. I was the most arrogant ignorant insubordinate ass you would ever meet and i took pride in this. Wow was I ever blind looking back through these eyes now. Glad it did not last long., 5 weeks later I was divorced and she was a rich single woman who was happily in love with my brothers best friend and I was homeless again. They had decided to move everything out of the home clean the bank accounts and move her into his home and take both vehicles while I was working. This happened in 1991 to whom the brother i speak of I did not consider alive anymore.
I moved my proud self to the streets yet again for another belt at this to the 6 million dollar home I went. Yes the bridge. It was bought and paid for and thats what i would tell people i lived in a home worth 6 million.
At age 23 I had been doing ok on the streets again and made it to the rehabs, they had amazing food and everytime i checked in I would gain 20 pounds. I also managed to go to the hospital, not recommended as the food sucks, and well they wake you from deep sleeps for night meds unless of course your in a coma. I had been pronounced dead 3 times and on the last time I was in a coma for 4 days to awaken to an angel, well ok she wore white and was pretty. She told me it was Tuesday, that none of my family had been there but they were told I was there and if I was feeling up to it, she would stay and assist me until I could walk again. See I did not know yet, I did not know how to walk and had to go through therapy on how to walk and none of my family wanted anything to do with me or my therapy. After 3 weeks I was able to walk normal again. I was even invited to a place with that angel to this day I do not even know her name. I thought it was a date....it was...to AA. She took me to a meeting and said here have a coffee, a sandwich...shut up and listen and dont talk til we get back in the car and then we can talk more but i need to listen so dont talk. I followed directions...unusual as it was but it was one of those moments you just sit back and shake your head and say wow did that just happen.
I had many times going to meetings from 1991 to the memorable time of going 1145PM meeting December 31. 1999. This was to prevent my best thinking in case the world did not end. I had planned to break the glass and do a smash and grab at local liquor store and figured if i was wrong and world didnt end...I was screwed. One more moment to shake your head how AA saved my ass.
It saved me from Prison but I failed to save my ass...it took more than a few times.
In fact, I went to 29 rehab centers, 23 therapists, jail a couple times, and a live in rehab for 6 months or face 2 years in prison. I have one of the few papers ever given from a mental hospital. I was removed from the premises by force and two wonderful offering me jewelery, They stated I was to remove my self from the premises as I had too many anger issues and was not welcome at the mental hospital no more and if i was to return to their property I would be charged with trespassing. I had officially been served.
I am the youngest of 13...well 8... I am an only child...depending on who you ask. My mother has married 5 times which I have many brothers and sisters so to say I am confused from a young age was an understatement. Now I will say I come from a family of 8 and I am the baby who had his first taste of alcohol at the age of 7. I did that one taste and loved it but did not continue to touch until the brilliant age of 13 when it became a regular occurrence.
I lived in a small town of 800 people. I was raised in a middle class home both parents working and it was normal on the outward appearance. Now to anyone would say this is a great family but truth be told it is the definition of dysfunction to what society says is normal.
At the age of 11, my parents had separated and ask myself and my older brother where we would rather live. My mother moved to the city of 100K people and closer to the other siblings, and my older brother chose to move there leaving only myself and my father. This is where the education of myself started. I was sat down and told " You have a choice now which will effect the rest of your life and those around you". "Would you like to move with your mother who treats the others better than you and always will and take advantage of the money as any woman will do to you in your life, so dont trust women, your mother or anyone who wants to talk to you about money" OR "Would you rather stay here with me and stay in this house with the pool?"
Well, I chose my mother. To be close to my family, my brother, and my friends who I had met in the city on weekend visits.
One week to the day, March 16TH, 1981 My father shot himself with a 22 in the head and a 12 gauge shotgun to the chest.
Guilt was a new feeling to me at the age of 11. and I did not know how to cope other than seclusion, isolation, built up anger, and strict confidentiality issues of trusting another person with details on my life. After 6 months and my 12th birthday spent in the hospital for my third kidney operation, my mother remarried to assist with coping and get through her grief and put a man in our lives for a role model. The role model was a lousy golfer and I can say he had many handicaps which one was that the drinking of booze every weekend to play the game and when he was inebriated to where he could not play and would lose to his friends he would return home. He was a powerful man who had the talents and expertise to hold myself and my mother by our throats to the wall til we would turn blue and pass out. This was a weekend routine until I found the escape route at the ripe age of 13.
The escape pattern as many have chosen, the alcohol and the wonders of how it cures all and fixes everything at the moment to a point of removing anything evil and terrible no matter the path or choices. Alcohol does not judge anyone or discriminate.
I was a weekend warrior and could escape to a place where i was accepted and could accept myself. I did build courage one time and have the guts to approach the golfer about the holding by the throat til blue....it cost me a mothers love, a fee fines in court and meeting a man in a black dress who said I was better off sent to a boot camp for military discipline to learn to treasure and respect my elders and what they provide for me. After a grudge match and 6 weeks in the camp I was rescued yet again from my aunt and uncle from another city who lived close to the camp...not to mention they liked to party and be at the beach which was right beside the camp and seen the booze as only something a young man will use and experiment with not an evil coping mechanism. To this day I thank them both, my aunt is 90 today and my uncle died a few years back at the age of 89 the same year he had his birthday party then went skydiving. He was a brilliant man and I would only hope one day to be half the man he was and I strive for it daily.
At the age of 15. my mother asked em to move home and they would control the beatings to not happen as she promised. It was myself seeking the acceptance of her love who chose to go back and give that chance and hope alive, it lasted 2 weeks. I was blue and packing in the end of the second weekend. I grabbed a duffle bag and my homework from my room and left.
I lived with friends and family for a few months until I was forced back home from legal authorities to return or go to foster care. I was promised yet again these would not happen but the beatings continued. I then started to become a man at age of 16 by the laws in Canada, so on my birthday I was given a card from my mother who sat eagerly for me to be happy and open it. It said Happy Birthday to my son. I love you but your a man now. You have 2 weeks to get a job, start paying rent or move out. This lead to my moving out at sixteen with my belongings, my one bag and knapsack of books for school.
I had enough sense to know where I felt welcomed and that was the library and school. I moved under a bridge, slept in a box or under the overpass and did my homework at school, on my breaks , in the library or during the light from the pallets we burnt in the can for light and heat under the bridge. My grades slipped a little but I finally got through my last year of school and not having to report where I was. I found peace in the bottle during the time on the streets but not until self control allowed me time to finish homework and tutor those who needed it. Tutoring gave me warmth in their homes, and chance to shower if I was close enough to them and would lie to them why i couldnt at home.
By 21, I got my sense at moments of clarity and at age of 18 I managed to have my savings and what corrupt things I had not been caught for tallied where i was able to buy enough inventory and start a small business of an ice cream shop. It was a lot of lies to start but by the end of the 3rd summer i had 5 shops and a new home, 2 new cars and a fiance who I married at 21. We had accumulated about 400,000 in a very short period and I had beaten all obstacles of the world which could throw at me. I was King. I was the most arrogant ignorant insubordinate ass you would ever meet and i took pride in this. Wow was I ever blind looking back through these eyes now. Glad it did not last long., 5 weeks later I was divorced and she was a rich single woman who was happily in love with my brothers best friend and I was homeless again. They had decided to move everything out of the home clean the bank accounts and move her into his home and take both vehicles while I was working. This happened in 1991 to whom the brother i speak of I did not consider alive anymore.
I moved my proud self to the streets yet again for another belt at this to the 6 million dollar home I went. Yes the bridge. It was bought and paid for and thats what i would tell people i lived in a home worth 6 million.
At age 23 I had been doing ok on the streets again and made it to the rehabs, they had amazing food and everytime i checked in I would gain 20 pounds. I also managed to go to the hospital, not recommended as the food sucks, and well they wake you from deep sleeps for night meds unless of course your in a coma. I had been pronounced dead 3 times and on the last time I was in a coma for 4 days to awaken to an angel, well ok she wore white and was pretty. She told me it was Tuesday, that none of my family had been there but they were told I was there and if I was feeling up to it, she would stay and assist me until I could walk again. See I did not know yet, I did not know how to walk and had to go through therapy on how to walk and none of my family wanted anything to do with me or my therapy. After 3 weeks I was able to walk normal again. I was even invited to a place with that angel to this day I do not even know her name. I thought it was a date....it was...to AA. She took me to a meeting and said here have a coffee, a sandwich...shut up and listen and dont talk til we get back in the car and then we can talk more but i need to listen so dont talk. I followed directions...unusual as it was but it was one of those moments you just sit back and shake your head and say wow did that just happen.
I had many times going to meetings from 1991 to the memorable time of going 1145PM meeting December 31. 1999. This was to prevent my best thinking in case the world did not end. I had planned to break the glass and do a smash and grab at local liquor store and figured if i was wrong and world didnt end...I was screwed. One more moment to shake your head how AA saved my ass.
It saved me from Prison but I failed to save my ass...it took more than a few times.
In fact, I went to 29 rehab centers, 23 therapists, jail a couple times, and a live in rehab for 6 months or face 2 years in prison. I have one of the few papers ever given from a mental hospital. I was removed from the premises by force and two wonderful offering me jewelery, They stated I was to remove my self from the premises as I had too many anger issues and was not welcome at the mental hospital no more and if i was to return to their property I would be charged with trespassing. I had officially been served.
Last edited by Opivotal; 03-09-2017 at 11:41 AM. Reason: correct title format
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