Eunectes

So scared, can't see a way out this time, can probably see from my previous posts the type of relapser I am, can't see a way out now, never been in this condition before where I have to drink basically before I open my eyes, I feel terrible, feel like everyone is taking the pee out of me. Don't trust anyone. Struggling with my sexuality even been looking into castration and getting angry with aa members when they are only trying to help me. I'm scared I'm becoming a dangerous person and I'm also scared I'm going to die

PurpleKnight

Hey Eunectes, you don't have to live this way, you can turn things around and write a new chapter to your life, it can be done, I went round in circles for a long time, had very little hope that I could do it, but I think there is something inside us all that can make it possible, there has to be.

What have you tried so far? trying the same thing for me always lead to the same outcome, I needed to make some changes, in some ways completely revolutionise my thinking to make things work, change up the activities I got involved in and people I hung out with.

You can do this, and with a plan and the right support, you'll get there!!

Eunectes

Tried aa time and time again, I don't believe in God and cringe at times when saying prayers, ill need to go to the shops today to get more drink and it's gonna be so embarrassing because I've wet myself and have food sauce all over me

ShenzyT

You can do this Eunectes
Sending you a big hug.....as Purpleknight says, you don't have to live this way, you can turn it around - I know it's hard....but dig deep inside you, you can do it.
xxxx

MythOfSisyphus

I'm also an atheist, never tried AA but there has to be something that will work for you. I use AVRT. It can be tough, I know, but I also know it can be done. Don't give up!

FeelingGreat

Eunectes, do you have a friend who can contact the mental health services? My feeling from your post is that you need medical help and stable mental health before you tackle the drinking.

It's so hard to be brave when you're battling the demons. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

DrunkTx

Eunectes - I'm a strong believer in God but not an aa'er. I believe God doesn't make mistakes. So if you are gay, perfect; if you are hetro, perfect; if you are transgender or bi - perfect. If you don't believe in him, perfect. You are absolutely perfect the way you are, don't second guess yourself or God. But that bottle of poison, that foreign substance you put in your body, that messes with who you are. It converts your mind to a state of doubt. Most folks think it quiets the pain, but it doesn't. It only pushes it down the road, and makes it bigger and bigger because you haven't delt with it. If it all possible, today just assume for a second that all us self-righteous God fairing people are the true believers we say we are. If that is true, then hold your head up high, because you are another perfection that my God has created. Don't let the alcohol fool you or tell you otherwise.

IOAA2

Hi.
This is called alcoholism, powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious for good reason.
Try not to give up.
I’ve been along with many many thousands been sober for + 30 years and have never been religious.
The only prayer I join in is the Serenity Prayer. My Higher Power is the Spirit of mother/father nature. Anyone can choose their own AND change it as sobriety progresses. Something that used to be said at meetings is “believe that we believe.”

This getting and staying sober is work and takes time to feel comfortable, lets face it we screwed up our system by feeding it a non healthy item, alcohol and……………..so it takes that 4 letter word time to heal.
Try to remember that it works IF we work it.

BE WELL

FreeOwl

from what you are describing, it seems like you may really be in need of more direct and talented help than AA alone can provide.

is there any way you might be willing to contact a recovery center who has skilled counselors and programs to help you?

a 'jump start' on sobriety through inpatient treatment and appropriate counseling can be a very valuable foundation to long term recovery. I'm sorry that you're struggling - but please don't give up. Life is so much more when you get beyond the addiction cycle.

ubntubnt

AA is not about god and not about religion. Have you worked the steps with a sponsor?
You know very well what you need to do to start your recovery. Put the booze down. There is nothing that anyone can say that can do that for you. You need to do it for yourself.

Eunectes

Thanks for all replies, think the mental health services might be the way too go, had some librium and a glass of water today so might be able to eat something later

Thepatman

Grab this addiction by the horns and give it hell.

There is no need to suffer like this, all it takes it phone call to health professionals.
You need detox, professional preferably to avoid bad withdrawals.

I can promise you that once the poison is out of your body, you will see things more clearly. To remain sober, get support, and a lot of it. Coming here is as great idea.

Being scared is normal, a big leap of faith can be scary. But all other members here can confirm that the other side is a billion times better than the living hell of active Alcoholism.

Rooting for you.

Jsbodhi

Hi!

I'm not religious and cringe during the praying parts too, but I do benefit from going
I hope you feel better, addiction is so scary, but we can get out of it.

Eunectes

Hi, I'm stable now, but not ok, thanks for support and nice messages

Dee74

Glad you're more stable - but what are you doing for your recovery?

D