Unlearning Isolation
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Unlearning Isolation
He looked me in the eyes and smiled. He saw me as much as I saw him. He put my groceries in the bag and again smiled as if to send me on my way. He turned to the next in line and repeated the process. Over and over he sees people.
I have to wonder... Does he feel something when he sees me? Does he think or react to me and my presence? Is my disconnect visible on my face? In my eyes? In my words?
Does the isolation fortress I have built allow anyone to detect me? Or have I got it all so routine that I can be anywhere and never really be seen? Hmmmmm... I wonder.
Unlearning isolation does not feel as easy as getting together with folks for an evening. Or going to a ballgame with a friend. What about dinner out amongst the living? It feels much more than that.
Unlearning isolation is about smashing stones together to create a spark in the darkness. In hopes that it will catch the kindling.
It's about being uncomfortable when all I want to do is feel safe.
That dinner out? That ballgame? That get together? All kindling. The more I get out and do the mundane the more chance that spark has to catch something and ignite me.
A spark has not caught hold yet. But I have been trying with everything I have to pile high the kindling.
It will happen. It must happen. I just sit tight and enjoy the rest of my sober Saturday here with you. No worries.
Tomorrow I will go find more kindling. Smash a few stones. And see what another sober day brings my way.
K
I have to wonder... Does he feel something when he sees me? Does he think or react to me and my presence? Is my disconnect visible on my face? In my eyes? In my words?
Does the isolation fortress I have built allow anyone to detect me? Or have I got it all so routine that I can be anywhere and never really be seen? Hmmmmm... I wonder.
Unlearning isolation does not feel as easy as getting together with folks for an evening. Or going to a ballgame with a friend. What about dinner out amongst the living? It feels much more than that.
Unlearning isolation is about smashing stones together to create a spark in the darkness. In hopes that it will catch the kindling.
It's about being uncomfortable when all I want to do is feel safe.
That dinner out? That ballgame? That get together? All kindling. The more I get out and do the mundane the more chance that spark has to catch something and ignite me.
A spark has not caught hold yet. But I have been trying with everything I have to pile high the kindling.
It will happen. It must happen. I just sit tight and enjoy the rest of my sober Saturday here with you. No worries.
Tomorrow I will go find more kindling. Smash a few stones. And see what another sober day brings my way.
K
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
It's about being uncomfortable when all I want to do is feel safe.
But this is by far my favorite line. This is what I believe is the very essence of strength. We begin getting stronger the second we leave our comfort zone.
Thank you!
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
First I was off work today so I forgot it's Friday and not Saturday! 
Soberwolf ... I have always had more singular hobbies. Not many require interaction with others. I don't play sports or anything. I use to bowl but that's a drinking sport.
I am trying to get running into my life so I can go do those 5 k runs. There are many around here and I figure a good way to meet folks.
I keep trying and eventually this will happen. I just need to not recoil and sit in my apartment. Force the issue and get moving!
Happiness is a muscle. Need to flex it to keep it healthy!
Soberwolf ... I have always had more singular hobbies. Not many require interaction with others. I don't play sports or anything. I use to bowl but that's a drinking sport.
I am trying to get running into my life so I can go do those 5 k runs. There are many around here and I figure a good way to meet folks.
I keep trying and eventually this will happen. I just need to not recoil and sit in my apartment. Force the issue and get moving!
Happiness is a muscle. Need to flex it to keep it healthy!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
I do that regularly at the homeless shelter. Not easy to make friends there. People volunteer and do the work and leave. Not much "mingling".
The trick here is not what as much as how. Like I mentioned. I need to feel uncomfortable in order to unlearn how I isolate. Its a constructive process for me much bigger than a single night out or a hobby that aligns me with other who do that same thing.
It's my internal walls I must tackle here.
Each time I do get out it helps chip away at things.
The trick here is not what as much as how. Like I mentioned. I need to feel uncomfortable in order to unlearn how I isolate. Its a constructive process for me much bigger than a single night out or a hobby that aligns me with other who do that same thing.
It's my internal walls I must tackle here.
Each time I do get out it helps chip away at things.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Inspired by your post, I just contacted an old friend of mine that I had learned is living in my area. He's coming for dinner Monday. Will that one action rocket me into the life I can see for myself? No, but it's out of the box for me. Kindling.
Great post K.
Great post K.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
What about a course of some sort im a lil confused weasel if im honest ?
i dont mean that in a bad way
Would a course interest you it would certainly challenge you if your looking to feel uncomfortable go for something hard where youl need help & to interact with others ?
i dont mean that in a bad way
Would a course interest you it would certainly challenge you if your looking to feel uncomfortable go for something hard where youl need help & to interact with others ?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Ken - Great post!!
I've been an isolator for a long time. I was an only child and learned that "time alone" was okay?
What I've found, in almost 8 years of recovery, is that I was worrying about "I don't have anyone I can do FUN stuff with!!!".
I've reconnected with a lot of old friends, some who I was actually locked up with but are doing great! I've met new friends, through the work I used to do, and I'm slowly branching out.
Most people don't take this long, I still don't know who I could go on vacation with, but the options are growing?
I think it takes time, but we will get there.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've been an isolator for a long time. I was an only child and learned that "time alone" was okay?
What I've found, in almost 8 years of recovery, is that I was worrying about "I don't have anyone I can do FUN stuff with!!!".
I've reconnected with a lot of old friends, some who I was actually locked up with but are doing great! I've met new friends, through the work I used to do, and I'm slowly branching out.
Most people don't take this long, I still don't know who I could go on vacation with, but the options are growing?
I think it takes time, but we will get there.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Sorry that i had trouble understanding know that i think your awesome
Exellent idea practice running building yourself up for 5k runs
& a great way to meet ppl
spk soon bud sorry i didnt understand properly i didnt mean anything by it
Exellent idea practice running building yourself up for 5k runs
& a great way to meet ppl
spk soon bud sorry i didnt understand properly i didnt mean anything by it
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey Ken ,
Friendship is an art that requires practice , some people will just not get you .
There are other real nice people in the world, maybe a bit jaded sometimes as other people can be a bit selfish . Recovery can give us empathy, centeredness and unflappability that others will find attractive in a friend … although we have to be aware of emotional vampires .
We have to push our comfort zones , evening classes that are not chasing qualifications for instance , get used to saying hello to people and them not responding … some people find having a dog useful as a prop to talk to other dog walkers …
What interests do you have that can overlap with other people ?
what things do you know that you could teach people ?
what things could you potentially pursue that have teamwork as a pre-requisite ?
AA can have a social side to it as i understand would it be worth finding out what they are getting up to , as a starter with "hopefully" understanding people ?
Lots of things to see and do , lots of things to try and master ,
good luck my friend ,
m
Friendship is an art that requires practice , some people will just not get you .
There are other real nice people in the world, maybe a bit jaded sometimes as other people can be a bit selfish . Recovery can give us empathy, centeredness and unflappability that others will find attractive in a friend … although we have to be aware of emotional vampires .
We have to push our comfort zones , evening classes that are not chasing qualifications for instance , get used to saying hello to people and them not responding … some people find having a dog useful as a prop to talk to other dog walkers …
What interests do you have that can overlap with other people ?
what things do you know that you could teach people ?
what things could you potentially pursue that have teamwork as a pre-requisite ?
AA can have a social side to it as i understand would it be worth finding out what they are getting up to , as a starter with "hopefully" understanding people ?
Lots of things to see and do , lots of things to try and master ,
good luck my friend ,
m
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