I turned him down
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I turned him down
A small but wonderful victory for me.
last night I was just exhausted and I simply wanted to go to bed..no extras. He was obviously wanting to do something.
But, I said what I meant and meant what I said. I told him I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Normally he would pitch an absolute fit, but he was really kind and loving about letting me sleep.
ok, not MUCH of a victory for him, no one should push intimacy on another, but a BIG victory for me. I SAID NO!! And even if he would have pitched a fit, I still planned on sticking with my choice. I'm just feeling proud this morning about it. Dumb I know, but hey, I need to celebrate the small stuff!
last night I was just exhausted and I simply wanted to go to bed..no extras. He was obviously wanting to do something.
But, I said what I meant and meant what I said. I told him I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Normally he would pitch an absolute fit, but he was really kind and loving about letting me sleep.
ok, not MUCH of a victory for him, no one should push intimacy on another, but a BIG victory for me. I SAID NO!! And even if he would have pitched a fit, I still planned on sticking with my choice. I'm just feeling proud this morning about it. Dumb I know, but hey, I need to celebrate the small stuff!
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
No freetoSmile...not "dumb". (watch the negative self-talk...lol). It is having boundaries for your person and enforcing them. That is your right!
I say big "victory".
dandylion
I say big "victory".
dandylion
good reminder though, and yes I am proud and feeling good that HE respected it. This time at least.
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freetoSmile....LOL! I have a sharp eye for that. Know why? I learned that a long time ago when I was trying to cope with my children's father. A Counselor that I went to pointed out this dynamic to me...and I had to work on wiping that out.
I know that it is a subtle thing...but, it does make a big difference.
dandylion
I know that it is a subtle thing...but, it does make a big difference.
dandylion
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I know that this is super wrong now, but I used to think I HAD to say yes. Like I wasn't "doing my job" if I didn't....wow. I love the empowering feeling I get when I think of MY RIGHT to just say no. Especially when it comes to my body.
I can't believe how sick I was. I know I still am, but I'm gaining ground.
I can't believe how sick I was. I know I still am, but I'm gaining ground.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Quincy, IL
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I struggle with this a lot, too, free. I usually just give in, because he makes me feel bad if I don't. However, if I tried to initiate(which I don't anymore) he shut me down 9 times outta 10. I think it's just another way to control us! I've said no a couple times, now, and it feels like a HUGE VICTORY!! We are gaining back control of the only thing we can control...ourselves!!!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
I think you're doing great.
I also am glad he respected what you asked. It's a beginning.
Funny aside:
In the movie Annie Hall, there is a split scene where Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are both sitting in their respective therapists' offices
and both are asked how often they have sex with their partners:
Diane says: "All the time. Maybe three times a week."
Woody says: "Almost never. Maybe three times a week."
That makes me smile every time.
I also am glad he respected what you asked. It's a beginning.
Funny aside:
In the movie Annie Hall, there is a split scene where Woody Allen and Diane Keaton are both sitting in their respective therapists' offices
and both are asked how often they have sex with their partners:
Diane says: "All the time. Maybe three times a week."
Woody says: "Almost never. Maybe three times a week."
That makes me smile every time.
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