auroraxborealis

It's been a rough day for me. Today is my X's birthday. We never got to spend his birthday together. He was in jail for two of them and then I had to leave for work on the last one.

I haven't seen or heard from him because I am out of town for work for the next three months. I don't think he has a phone.

I want so badly to call his sister or dad or brother or mom or SOMEONE and ask they tell him Happy Birthday from me.

I won't, so I'm telling you.

Happy Birthday, my X. I hope you are safe, well, and happy.

jjj111

I think it's very courageous of you to resist the temptation to reach out. Based on past experience, it seems like it would only lead to heartache. Maybe you can think about what gift you want to give YOURSELF on his birthday? Do something nice for yourself as a reward for venturing out to a new place and taking a much-needed break from the trouble he brings. Have you explored your new location much? It might be fun to find an activity to keep you busy while you're there.

zoso77

For the sake of argument, let's say you did. Given what you know about his condition, what makes you think he's able to absorb that sort of kindness?

He's not, and given the path he's on, he probably never will be.

Keep him in your heart, but don't let your heart hijack your reason. That won't serve you well.

auroraxborealis

Apparently he does have a phone. He texted me saying thanks for the happy birthday. Had a quick chat but I did tell him I hadn't forgotten. Meh.

jjj111

Did he text you that in sarcasm, or did you find a way to reach out and he was responding? What would it feel like for you to ignore his texts/e-mails/voicemails? You don't owe him anything, but you do owe yourself some time to heal.

AnvilheadII

and now you have CONTACT..........

auroraxborealis

Sarcastic. Like I'm supposed to know he has his phone back? Ha.

He said he spent his birthday with his family but he worked and bought his own cake and dinner. I think he wanted me to say I'm sorry, and he shouldn't have had to do that, or that if I were there I would have made him a cake, or something along those lines. I just said I'm glad he got to spend time with his family.

I'm doing better than I thought I would be if I had heard from him. I actually feel like it could have been anyone that texted me. Baby steps?

SadOnEarth

I have similar urge to reach out, especially for bday...But I put my phone away and try my best to occupy myself with chores, works, and other stuff to not think about it. I am more scared that if I reach out and if he says anything hit my soft part I will fall back in again. I can only pray for him and hope it gets better. A break up is hard enough for normal people, let alone with an addict who we all cared and put so much effort in. Its a tough road

jjj111

I remember that when you got in touch with him again in order to attend his graduation from rehab, it seemed like not a big deal at first but slowly became more hurtful. So...tread carefully!

auroraxborealis

I remember, too. Thank you.

I admit I did start this game. One of X's celly's from jail emails me to keep in touch. His mom passed and asked me to get the message along to X and ask him to write.

X got the message yesterday, and probably wondered why it didn't include a happy birthday.

Ok. Spent too much time thinking about this. His time is up for today.

Lily1918

Please be careful passing messages for prisoners and recently released inmates. I understand that we all have different boundaries, but I think that you should reconsider this one.

my AH has been in the state prison for over a year, and he knows not to ask for "keeping in touch" favors.

Most of the time, it's against policy of the institution, and some of the time, it's illegal.

I also want to add... if the inmate in question was your X's celly, and they were legally able to write, they would have traded info when your X was released. My AH writes several who went from the prison to rehab. There's no need for you to be the messenger. It's a form of manipulation.

auroraxborealis

I hadn't really thought of that. This guy calls and emails me, but X never writes and I don't think has computer access so I was just asked to let him know. I don't think Celly was trying to do any manipulation.... Thank you though for the warning. I hate that you have someone in there, it's hard.

Lily1918

it's the best thing that ever happened to both of us. It was necessary.