Love after the Alcoholic
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 517
Love after the Alcoholic
I was with my AXBF for six years or so before we got physically separated because I got a job in Canada and he could not join me because of his record (DUI, duh). After a year during which I realized how peaceful life can be, I broke up with him. We have had friendly contact since and he really wants to get back together. I went back and forth in my head whether I want to or not. When I broke up with him, he said that I will only consider getting back together if he is one year sober. Needless to say, he called me drunk just last week.
I have been very very lonely and isolated here and struggled with depression. Towards the end of last year, I seriously considered getting back together. I am also under a lot of pressure because my contract expires this summer and I need a new job (also to get a visa since I am European). During our last phone conversation, I was on the verge of saying let us try again just to not be alone anymore.
So then one evening shortly after a man who I have known for years from a different internet forum told me that he has been very interested in me for a while and if I wanted to meet. I was not sure, also since he is quite a bit younger than I am. But then I figured it could be fun to meet someone for dinner and a night out. He lives seven hours away from me, so we met in the middle and he swept me off my feet. I have never had such chemistry with someone! It was amazing! He was attentive, sweet, patient, funny, and SOBER! So we are in a relationship now (very early on, obviously) and totally smitten with each other. He has a job, car, savings, future plans, and he is reliable. Sadly, one of the most exciting moments was when we ordered pizza and he offered to pick it up (OMG HE IS SOBER HE CAN DRIVE OMG). I thought I have my act together, but this guy REALLY has it together...
But I was still insecure about it and could not quite put my finger on it. Then I realized that I was insecure because I realized that he does not NEED me. So of course I would think, as a good co-dependent, why in the world would he be interested?? He does not need to be fixed and he does not need to be enabled. He just really really enjoys being with me.
That kind of blew my mind...thanks, higher power. Such perfect timing...
I have been very very lonely and isolated here and struggled with depression. Towards the end of last year, I seriously considered getting back together. I am also under a lot of pressure because my contract expires this summer and I need a new job (also to get a visa since I am European). During our last phone conversation, I was on the verge of saying let us try again just to not be alone anymore.
So then one evening shortly after a man who I have known for years from a different internet forum told me that he has been very interested in me for a while and if I wanted to meet. I was not sure, also since he is quite a bit younger than I am. But then I figured it could be fun to meet someone for dinner and a night out. He lives seven hours away from me, so we met in the middle and he swept me off my feet. I have never had such chemistry with someone! It was amazing! He was attentive, sweet, patient, funny, and SOBER! So we are in a relationship now (very early on, obviously) and totally smitten with each other. He has a job, car, savings, future plans, and he is reliable. Sadly, one of the most exciting moments was when we ordered pizza and he offered to pick it up (OMG HE IS SOBER HE CAN DRIVE OMG). I thought I have my act together, but this guy REALLY has it together...
But I was still insecure about it and could not quite put my finger on it. Then I realized that I was insecure because I realized that he does not NEED me. So of course I would think, as a good co-dependent, why in the world would he be interested?? He does not need to be fixed and he does not need to be enabled. He just really really enjoys being with me.
That kind of blew my mind...thanks, higher power. Such perfect timing...
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by Kimmieh 
Sadly, one of the most exciting moments was when we ordered pizza and he offered to pick it up (OMG HE IS SOBER HE CAN DRIVE OMG).
There was a sweet man in the aftermath of my XABF that I dated for a while, who I will always think of as helping me "break the spell". It wasn't serious, just fun - but simply knowing someone could return a call, keep a date, eat a meal without endless digestive complications, and not do the Jekyll/Hyde routine on me helped wake me up to Life After An Alcoholic.
Congrats on moving on, and moving forward in your life.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Thank you, everyone! I LOVE normal! And predictable! It conserves energy for real, fun adventure!
We ended up picking up the pizza together, but he drove. For years I had to do the driving because AXBF first had a DUI, then lost his license again for a suspected DUI. I have dreamt so often of being in the passenger seat and just enjoying the ride (I love driving, but I think I was looking to, in a way, hand over control to someone because I ALWAYS had to be in control). Now I have a choice - we can take turns driving (metaphorically, too).
We ended up picking up the pizza together, but he drove. For years I had to do the driving because AXBF first had a DUI, then lost his license again for a suspected DUI. I have dreamt so often of being in the passenger seat and just enjoying the ride (I love driving, but I think I was looking to, in a way, hand over control to someone because I ALWAYS had to be in control). Now I have a choice - we can take turns driving (metaphorically, too).
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by Hammer
Wow. Pizza AND a Car?
ALL IN ONE GUY?
ALL IN ONE GUY?
Hey, Kimmieh... congratulations and thanks for sharing with us! You DESERVE your new normal, so please enjoy it!
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