chantylc

Should I believe him when he says that he "needs time" to work on himself when he still admits that he "needs" to go out?!

Should I believe him that he will COME back to me when he is all better?

Should I believe him that he is TRULY worried about his condition and getting help for it??

Should I believe him when he says "HE IS GOING TO GET BETTER?!"

Should I believe him enough to wait for him once again...but I LOVE HIM!

CodeJob

You've been on and off with this person for 7 years. You, Chantylc, know the answer.

shil2587

He probably does need to work on himself. He might well be worried about.his health. But will he get better? Will he come.back to you? These are things no one on this earth knows because they are the future. You can only go by what you know of him RIGHT NOW. Is that enough for you? Is he good for you? Does he make you happy? Does he respect your needs and your boundaries? Are you a better person for being with him?

Those are things only you can answer. I tend to take the approach that life is a journey. I enjoy what I van in the now if it is good for me, now. Not hoping it gets better in the future because then that's wasted time isn't it?

NYCDoglvr

Has he said these things before? What happened? Actions speak much louder than words.

chantylc

Yes he has said this to me before. He recently took a month off from work "to get better" but it only got worse. So I really don't think he's serious about his health anymore.

GracieLou

He does need to work on himself, he is not doing that if he is still going out and he is not going to until he is ready, he is not ready and nobody knows when that will be or if it will ever happen.

He is keeping you on a string making promises he can't keep

NO, he is keeping you on a string making promises he can't keep

He is not that worried if he is still using.

NO, he is keeping you on a string making promises he can't keep

NO, he is keeping you on a string making promises he can't keep

Only you can answer that question. When are you going to hit your bottom?

I believe that he means what he says but again...he is making promises he can't keep. He is not capable. It is like asking a man without legs to walk, he can't!

He would need to get sober, stay sober and work a program. He is not going to do that if he does not want to or does not have to.

I know you love him. I know but you have to let him go. Never deny an alcoholic their pain. It may be the only thing that gives them that moment of clarity. You just don't know.

In the meantime, you have to get yourself out of the pain. Stop fighting for him and start fighting for you!

Katchie

What does your gut, your inner person tell you?

SparkleKitty

No one knows the answer to your questions but I suspect if YOU believed the answer to any of them was "Yes", you wouldn't have posted them. We don't always get to live with the ones we love.

NYCDoglvr

Maybe it will help to know the American Medical Association classifies alcoholism (all addiction) as a mental illness. It's called "the disease of insanity" because, despite catastrophic consequences, the alcoholic does not stop drinking. Both codependents and alcoholics stay stuck because of denial and rationalization.

I recommend Alanon, which saved my sanity while giving me the support I needed to exit a disastrous relationship. I learned that, in my case, there's a big difference between love and need. My own thinking changed enough that I know I'll never settle for another alcoholic, even a recovering one.

BoxinRotz

How's the Merry Go Round?

Spinning fast enough for ya?

You can get off any time.

AnvilheadII

we throw up our own Red Flag anytime we end with:

but i love him.....that's called rationalization, justification and minimizing. as if to say
I know he treats me like crap....but i love him.
I know he stole from me.....but I love him.
I know he's been sleeping with other women.....but I love him.

Love is not sitting at the other end of the teeter totter - it does not trump bad behaviors or BS.

sadly the "i need time to......" statement is usually just a really nice way of saying "i'm outta here" - and the "i'll come back when i'm better" is intended to keep you hooked JUST IN CASE he needs a soft place to land.