LovesToTravel

He has no money, no job, nothing. He has medical issues from being shot when he and girlfriend were high on herion. I would like him to just leave us alone but he has nothing. I can't seem to kick him out. What am I going to do just push him out the door on a freezing Michigan day and say good luck to ya. It is killing me and killing my husband.

We hid all the car keys so that he couldn't leave but of course he found some keys and now he is gone. He has no house key not sure what to do when he starts ringing the bell.

cynical one

He is an adult son??

I'm sure there are both cold weather shelters and Salvation Army Adult Rehab Centers in Michigan. Both are free, so he does have options other than being on the street.

Ann

LTT, for years I worried about my son but he always found a shelter or someone's couch, but he always found a way. MY house wasn't his only option, it wasn't even a good one because it turned into a war zone in short time.

I learned to let go by giving my son's care over to God and asking Him to do what I could not. That helps me make it through my days.

Your son has options and people ready to help him...all he has to do is reach out.

Hugs from my heart to yours.

tomsteve

He found car keys and is gone with the car.
Welp, Im thinkin not havin a place to go is a lie.
Its killing you and you're husband and I can only imagine. It has to be torturous. But continueing to enable isn't going to help any three of you.
If the car isnt in his name you could( and probably should) call the popo and report it stolen. And when he is arrested dont bail him out.
Nothing changes if nothing changes and sometimes changes can be very difficult but necessary.

Kimmilynn

SEMI Arc Salvation Army in downtown Detroit is free. It's a 6 month rehab work program (I was also thinking 'or report the car as stolen').

(hugs)

zoso77

I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this.

That said, pay attention to Ann, and do what is necessary to take care of you.

MsPINKAcres

((LTT))

I know this is so difficult ~ some of us have been there but I understand each parent's pain is real and it's hard.

One member explained it to me that you are allowing your adult child the dignity, grace and self-respect to find their own way ~ to have the ability to find their inner courage and strength ~ how will they know if they have the ability to change if you never allow them to make the choice. . .

It's never easy, but it is one of the most respectful ways to allow a person to be an adult ~

my thoughts & prayers are with both you & your husband and especially with your son.

special pink hugs,

kj3880

As a police officer I urge you not to report the car as stolen. It makes for a very dangerous car stop for the driver (and for us, too). Instead, ask for an Unauthorized Use report. It serves the same function (gets the car on the lookout list and gets him charged with larceny when pulled over), but it's a much safer option. If the car isn't produced by the second or third day, ask the police to upgrade it to stolen, as that will put it on the national lists and at that point we can conclude that either someone else got the car from him, or that he is really trying to deprive you of the use of your car.

As a fellow codie and recovering addict, I sure feel for you in your situation. I can offer you some hope in that I got clean and now live a really good and productive life. But my parents didn't have to help me with that. He has to do it on his own. Nobody can help him until he's ready. And when he's ready, parents aren't the same as a rehab. Best of luck to you! Keep in touch!

SadOnEarth

I understand your situation completely. I hid my car key away from my addicted ex boyfriend, but he always managed to find it. Worst of all, he made copies of my house key without me knowing. However, at certain time you have to be tough and just tell him to leave and hold no responsibilities for it. I understand how frustrated it is, and if you worry about his next stop, he is always gonna find some. Someone's couch, garage, or even sleeping in the car. But until he hits rock bottom, he will not stop. Let him experience and pray for him but let him face the bottom, and maybe there is a chance to climb up the hole he digged.

MsPINKAcres

Thanks for this information ~ I did not know you could file an Unauthorized Use report ~ As a parent, this is a wonderful option.

The thought of filing charges against our adult children is difficult ~ having options to hold them accountable with some healthy compassion if possible helps
Thanks

GracieLou

This is what I did when the addict in my life took my car and did not return it. He was supposed to run to the store and was gone for three days.

When he returned I called the police and gave them the update so they could remove it from the list. Thank God he did not do any damage while he had it.

I did this to protect myself. If he had gotten in an accident or it was stolen while in his procession I needed a report for insurance purposes.

I had a car out and out stolen one time, not by anyone I new and they ended up hitting a car while they were joy riding. The person they hit did not have uninsured drivers insurance and he and his insurance company hounded me thinking I was the one driving. I had the police report and all the information and gave it to them several times but they still called me and my insurance company every now and then, I guess looking for a different answer.

So even if he has permission, if the car is in your name, report it or you may be headed for financial headaches later if she should hit another car, it is stolen or god forbid he hit a person. You are liable if the car is in your name.

Not reporting it is almost the same as saying they had permission to use it.

Fandy

I'm so sorry LTT, but the stress he is creating for you and your husband is debilitating.
He wrecked his car, and then he damaged one of your cars? (if i am remembering correctly). he is leeching off of you and will continue to do so, making both you and your husband ill.

when your car is returned, you have to remove him. he is not a little innocent boy, he will have to come to terms with his life and become an adult. if he is still using he is not helping himself medically heal either.

i'm so sorry for YOUR hurt and upset.