The Language of Letting Go, Jan. 19
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The Language of Letting Go, Jan. 19
JANUARY 19
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Owning Our Power
There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling.
How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.
Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into addictive or other compulsive behaviors.
In recovery, we're learning to identify when we're feeling victimized, when we are actually being victimized, and why we're feeling victimized. We're learning to own our power, to take care of ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.
Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselves, and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because we're attempting to control their process or we're unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief such as: Other people make me feel.... Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny.... Or, I can't be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place...
Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by another's behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.
Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that's required. We are not victims.
We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us but understand that compassion often comes later, after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.
We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part--not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.
We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.
Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized, I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Owning Our Power
There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling.
How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.
Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into addictive or other compulsive behaviors.
In recovery, we're learning to identify when we're feeling victimized, when we are actually being victimized, and why we're feeling victimized. We're learning to own our power, to take care of ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.
Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselves, and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because we're attempting to control their process or we're unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief such as: Other people make me feel.... Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny.... Or, I can't be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place...
Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by another's behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.
Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that's required. We are not victims.
We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us but understand that compassion often comes later, after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.
We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part--not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.
We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.
Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized, I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I would have denied being a victim w/my dying breath...not ME! Just like I wasn't codependent, either...
But yes, I had a part in everything, and I still DO have a part, to the extent that I LET myself have a part. It was unpleasant to learn this and even more so to admit it, but oh so necessary to continued growth.
But yes, I had a part in everything, and I still DO have a part, to the extent that I LET myself have a part. It was unpleasant to learn this and even more so to admit it, but oh so necessary to continued growth.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Over Christmas, I started in my Codie rant phase 
and my own son and RAH checked me. I was surprised but thankful. It happens - especially when I'm tired and dealing with FOO. But what could have been days lasted about 35 minutes! I admitted I was exhausted and took a nap.
Last night I was lecturing my H and he checked me too. And though not quite perfect, I immediately truncated the conversation going nowhere into what was that new building we were driving past going to be?? So what might have been a 12 minute Codie stomp fest stopped at the two minute mark. Wasn't anything he hadn't heard before anyway!
and my own son and RAH checked me. I was surprised but thankful. It happens - especially when I'm tired and dealing with FOO. But what could have been days lasted about 35 minutes! I admitted I was exhausted and took a nap.Last night I was lecturing my H and he checked me too. And though not quite perfect, I immediately truncated the conversation going nowhere into what was that new building we were driving past going to be?? So what might have been a 12 minute Codie stomp fest stopped at the two minute mark. Wasn't anything he hadn't heard before anyway!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
