tired28

Hey im a 29 year old single mom. so let me start by saying I joined AA just over a month ago I can only make it to roughly 3 meeting per week, due to my kids and my job. However, my sponser keeps pressuring me to go to more meetings. The problem is when I go to too many meetings I seem to start feeling overwhelmed and just get sick of listening to the same old things over and over. But i worry at the same time that im not following the program exactly the way it is set out. Plus i begin to feel like geez i stopped drinking and at least thought Id have more time to focus on my life that ive been letting slide for so long. Now im just spending all my time in these bloody meetings. Just wondering if Im wrong here and what your opinions on this are. I definatly dont want to drink and im just scared that not following directions exactly could lead to relapse. Or are their people out there that have been succussful doing it the way they feel comfortable. And btw since getting sober i have I havent had any major setbacks and by gods grace havent even had the desire to drink really. Plus i do reading from my big book daily at home. Although i do sometimes miss the momentary stress relief it gave me from my life, i think about all the bad it caused me and all the goals i hope to accomplish now that im sober, and that keeps me sober another 24 hours.

least

I don't go to meetings or do the steps and I've stayed sober over five years now. You don't have to go to meetings to stay sober. It can be done any way you like, as long as you want it bad enough.

Soberwolf

Hi Tired Well done on day 64 no one should be pressurising you

tired28

Thanks for your reply. I dont know if shes meaning to be pressuring me, but that how I feel. Also she keeps saying, its GOD whos keeping me sober. I agree with her to aan extent but can i get ANY credit here for any of my actions? And she keeps talking about letting go of all sense of self and putting every decision I make regarding my life In gods hands.It just seem a little much at times. Now im just rambling but this is how i feel,i dunno im just overwhelmed i guess, Its a very different way of thinking for someone whos been drinking half her life. A little much Id say.But i never want to knock the program because i know it helps alot of people, and i certainly dont have all the answers as my past decision making skills have proved :P I just dont want to do anything, or not do something, that will lead back to drinking. Thats terrifying to me!

RDBplus3

Working the 12 Steps of AA as presented in the Big Book IS THE PROGRAM of AA. Meetings help keep us keep focused and connected while working the 12 Steps. If your Sponsor ever says all you have to do is 'don't drink and go to meetings'...get another Sponsor. If your Sponsor is not guiding you thru the 12 Steps...get another Sponsor.

Another thing that helped me immensely, and is 2nd only to working the Steps, is to listen to AA Speaker Messages. There is an endless amount of fantastic SOBRIETY available just by doing internet searches for AA Speakers. They radically CHANGED MY LIFE.

I drank for 40 years, and I struggled for a long time to get Completely Sober. I am now SOBER and FREE, and I KNOW you can be too.

Also, as meetings go...some may seem a complete waste, listening to bores drone on about endless nonsense...however, at the end of the 2nd chapter in the AA 12 & 12, it says that EVERY AA Meeting is proof that God can and does restore us to Sanity. Just the fact that people keep showing up and are Sober...is a testament to that fact.

RDBplus3....Sober & Free

sugarbear1

I worked and still work those steps. I don't get to more than about 3 meetings a week, sometimes just 1 and I do meet with my sponsor once a week.

It's about working the steps, not attending the meetings all of the time and when I do attend, I need to know my motive(s) for attending.

I need to live life outside a meeting.

Maybe find someone who can guide you through those steps. My higher power is with me all of the time, not sitting in a meeting waiting for me.

MIRecovery

As long as you are doing the best you can do then it is fine. What is of major concern is your comment of being sick of hearing the same things.

I would definitely talk to your sponsor about this. I do not believe I have ever gone to a meeting where I did not learn something that strengthen my sobriety.

I do know if I put anything in front of my sobriety I will lose it

Randola

That whole "90 meetings in 90 days " saying that you'll hear is nowhere in the Big Book, or any other A.A. literature. If your schedule is such that you can make a meeting every day, it surely won't hurt. If not, then there is the phone list and resources like SR.
I work nights and my shifts rotate occasionally, and it is simply impossible for me to make a meeting every day. If I could, I would. I am currently using the phone to talk at least once a day to someone in recovery, going to meetings whenever possible, and using this forum.

fini

the program as set out is the steps. working with other alcoholics is also mentioned.
the directions you mention you're worried about following correctly are directions from your sponsor, not the program.
there are people who have stayed sober with 0 meetings, and others who've relapsed with 100000 meetings.
not saying meetings aren't important.
but don't confuse the program of AA with sponsor-demands.

did you discuss her expectations of you at the beginning? maybe it's time to have a conversation, or/and also have a real good look at your motives. can't hurt.

stick around.

advbike

I say if you need meetings to remain sober, then by all means go. If not then more power to you. The traditional AA program recommends 90 meetings in 90 days, which helps achieve the psychic shift that some people seem to need to remain sober. I went to meetings in early recovery, but not every day. I found the people to be sincere and helpful for the most part, and the meetings reinforced my desire to remain sober.

That said, I'm not much for groups and group thinking and it felt a bit overwhelming to me also. Same reason I don't like organized religion. I couldn't imagine having to go to meetings the rest of my life like some do. The biggest success factors for me have been counseling, helping others on this board, and extensive reading on addiction.

esinger

I'll give you credit and give yourself a pat on the back. Great job on 64 days. Do what ever keeps you clean. Nobodies cornered the market on the only right way to do it no mater what they tell you.

tired28

MI recovery:
I didnt mean to say" hearing the same old things "in that way. You are definatly right, everytime i go to a meeting I do hear something that strengthens my sobriety and helps me in sum way, if only to remind me of life before. I just meant talking about sobriety non stop. Some days i just want to live like everybody else and not think about it. Enjoy life being sober, without having to go to a meetings or thinking about the program. And i when i say that, i still stay very mindful on these days about proper decision making and i still incorporate teaching of the program in my actions, with myself and others.

tired28

Thanks, ADVbike the "group thinking" thats exactly what I meant, good way to put it. Im just not into that. I guess i just dont want to become someone whos life revolves around AA, NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT for anyone who is. Its just personally not me at this point in time. I just dont feel like because i quit drinking i have to be a die hard AA'er :P

Zebra1275

There is more to AA then going to meetings. I think spending an hour reading the Big Book or some other AA related literature is often better than a meeting. So is the time you spend on this site.

I've been sober awhile and I'm sort of in maintenance mode, I make it to about 1 meeting a week. I also work 60 hours a week and have an active family life, so my time is limited. But I know where to go, and who to call, if I think I'm in trouble.

If you are single, unemployed, and live in a metropolitan area, 90 meetings in 90 days is doable. If you are employed, have family responsibilities and live in a rural area with few meeting options, it's unrealistic.

Mountainmanbob

I have been going to AA for many years
it seems that for you 3 meetings a week is working just fine
as we know many in AA go to meetings most every day
many of us can not do that or wish not to do that

your sponsor seems to be pushing a little hard here
but, I'm sure that she thinks that she has your best interest in mind

there is a life beyond AA
the other day a friend in AA asked, "have you stop going to meetings ?"
I told her no, I just have many other things to do that keep me busy
such as bicycle riding, fishing, going to the desert, etc
reminding her that, I'm retired and need to be enjoying these things..

MM

Carlotta

The AA program is the steps as outlined in the Big Book. I see nothing in the BB about doing 90 meetings in 90 days. Not that I am dissing doing 90/90.
It can help a newcomer meet people and see different meetings and hearing others share their e.s.h and how they recovered. It is also good for resocializing someone who has lost everything including employment and friends but it is not part of the "traditional AA program".
Meeting makers make....meetings.

Which step are you on Tired? Is your sponsor putting you through the steps?

freshstart57

Hi Tired, I'm solidly and resolutely sober with no meetings or steps. There is only one thing that makes you drunk and that is drinking. No one ever started drinking again by enjoying a sober life. It simply can't happen.

Pursue your sobriety as you see fit. It may well be true that your sponsor's way has worked for millions. Millions have achieved permanent sobriety in other ways too. So you see, it's really all up to you.

Give thanks to Him as you choose, but your sobriety is yours. Own it, live it. Onward!

BadCompany

Get to the meetings as best as you can. If three a week is all you can really do, then that will have to be it. Be honest with yourself about it, it is your program and your life.

Get out to different meetings. Some will become a bit repetitious. There are other meetings out there, maybe some that work better for you.


This is not a small problem. It will take a big fix.

You are doing just fine.

Jsbodhi

That would drive me crazy!!
I really like AA, but some aspects annoy me a lot, maybe just try to take out of it what works for you, everyone has their own journey

MIRecovery

At least for this alcoholic there are many days I don't think about about drinking but there there are no days I don't actively work a program of recovery. I read daily reflections, I read the bible, I go to 3-4 meetings, I pray, I post on SR. Alcoholism is forever and I'm only granted a dally reprieve