Mylaststraw

So a friend of his rang me to tell me that he spotted our car at a dirty motel. I took 2 buses and found his room. He was in a terrible state but what was worse was that there was a younger women, skinny as a rail. He claims they are just friends but I suspect more. He failed to call in sick to his job and blames me if he loses his job because I refused to call in for him anymore.

chronsweet

All bad, bad, bad. What are YOU thinking about this situation? Is it livable anymore?

After years of torment, I decided that I was just as messed up as he was to keep hopping on the merry-go-round and perpetuating the cycle. I only found release and the beginning thread of peace recently when I decided it was over. One can jump on and spin round and round, or step off and go one's own way.

Just as only the alcoholic can be the only one to make their own choices, so too, can the loved one that keeps chasing the crazy train.

ladyscribbler

So sorry. I suspect your instincts are right about this situation.
Do you have resources for support for yourself and your children? Can you turn to your family or church for some help at this time?
It sounds like your husband is making the transition from functioning to non functioning.
Even if there is some kind of honeymoon period after this where he promises you the moon and stars, it might be time to start exploring your options. Depending on him to stay stable and sober to provide for the family is a risky proposition at this point.
Sending hugs and support your way. Thanks for posting.

CodeJob

did you get your family car back?

Not sure straw, did you drag him back too? Why?

Impurrfect

Mylaststraw - I'm truly sorry you are dealing with this, but I do believe he is showing his true colors. He is doing what alcoholics do.

Do you have support for you? This has to be incredibly hard on you, but we are here for you and now may be the time to reach out for f2f support. I'm not trying to push, I just want you to know that you do have support available.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

marie1960

So sorry to hear MylastStraw.

I feel for you.

And tells you they are just friends? Men who are committed to their relationships are NEVER in a motel with another woman. When people respect each other that is NOT how they behave.

Has the thought of a Plan B crossed your mind?

You do not deserve this.

Big Hugs to You.

Carlotta

I am so sorry mylaststraw.
This is not to upset you but for your own health: skinny young women who hang out at fleabag motels with older men are generally crack 'hos, they are not just friends. They get a few bucks and some drugs and booze in exchange for their favors.
I personally don't think he deserves any from you for a very long time but if you decide to have sex with him anyway, please make sure he wears a rubber.
Do not have sex with him unprotected.
For all intent and purpose, he has now been with whomever that girl has been with. It is not like he was with a high class call girl who was clean and has protected sex with her clients.

Mylaststraw

code, I'm not sure why but I dragged him back. Luckily both my kids are at their friends so I could sneak him in the house. Carlottta, I think you may be making too much of a assumption? I know it doesn't look good but he said that she was a friends sister who needed a place to stay. She was on some series drug and she couldn't even hold her head up.

Impurrfect

Mylaststraw - I'm sorry, but I don't think Carlotta was making too much of an assumption. I WAS that crack hoe, in my addiction days, and the men who came to me were often guys no one would suspect.

I'm not proud of what I did, but I am better than that now.

You can get mad at me, and it's okay, but you are listening to his words and not his actions. I was you, a long time ago. What people posted here? MY relationship was different. HE was different.

Please keep reading and posting. We do care about you. What we say may not feel right and it may hurt. It's just what we've been through and many of us have lived what you are going through. We truly do care.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

marie1960

i call bullsh#t,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if this story was so above the board, why did he have to go MIA to help a friends sister.? He is willing to compromise his life with you to help a stranger? Not how mature, responsible grown ups act. and if she truly needed help, how bout a doctor, or a medical facility NOT a flea bag motel?

He is lying thru his teeth! but you don't have to believe me, sit tight more is gonna be revealed. Prepare yourself.

carlotta is right about protecting yourself from STD's, better safe than sorry, Aids and hepatitis kill people, nothing to fool around with. so very sorry you are going thru this.

ladyscribbler

Hon, she's a prostitute. Get some help for yourself and your kids. I know that all of your hopes right now are hanging on him continuing to be the breadwinner for the family, but the odds of that are dwindling.
Please make some plans and don't bury your head in the sand of denial. No one is talking about divorce, but he is not a dependable person.

QueSera81

Mylaststraw - I work with a lot of substance abusers and Carlotta is right. For your and your children's sake, if you decide to be intimate with him anymore please at the absolute very least use condoms.

Mylaststraw

marie, of course, I have my doubts. I just can't imagine my husband wanting that dope head. She looked really bad off. I think I'm going to ask for him to give a drug test just to see what I'm up against. I have extra drug tests for my son who I test for pot on a regular basis.

Impurrfect

Mylaststraw - you can't imagine him wanting "that dope head" because you are not an addict or alcoholic. I pray you never understand that.

The people here have been through all this, and they (we) are only sharing what we have learned from experience. I can tell you that I didn't "hear" what they were telling me until it was too late. I truly hope you don't follow my path.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

FlippedRHalo

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I can guarantee you what Carlotta said is 100% true. Yes she was on drugs, she's likely a crack/heroin addict and to be honest, with him hanging out with her, I'd be concerned that alcohol may not be the only thing your husband is getting into trouble with.

I work in a hospital. I see these hotel hopping drug addicted women all of the time in our ER from overdoses or because they're trying for pain meds, or sometimes, just to get a warm bed for the night.

My cousin was a heroin/crack addict....he's dead now, but he was often found shooting up/smoking in seedy hotels with many of the same women that you've just described. She's not a friend's sister, I can promise you that. She's an addicted street hooker. I'm so sorry to say this, but read on...


I know this is incredibly painful and hard to look at. I know you're in shock and denial. Most of us would be. You don't have to believe any of this if you're not ready to, however, you're a mother and you have children that you need to stay alive and healthy for. IV drug users are often infected with HIV, Hepatitis and an array of other diseases. Please protect yourself. Please FORCE him to get tested for any and all STD's for your own health and safety. From what you've just described of her being unable to keep her head up, she sounds like she's either EXTREMELY intoxicated or on heroin. I'm going to guess that latter.

I didn't want to go here.... not one bit. This post sucked the wind out of me and my heart breaks for you. I can't imagine how you must be feeling, BUT, this is YOUR health here, and concerns the well being of your children in the future if your health is affected negatively in the due to his actions. Please protect yourself. This is serious.

Needabreak

Why bother with a drug test? What's a drug test going to tell you that isn't already staring you in the face?

Reading your story reminds one of just how powerful denial can be.

Mylaststraw

impurrfect, I am 10X more beautiful than she is. In fact, I doubt he could of even performed as he has been having trouble in that eh "area". I think I recognize the girl from panhandling off the expressway. Next time, I will call the police and have her arrested. He was so drunk he did not even know what day it was. Never mind the fact that his boss has called the house 5X looking for him.

fluffyflea

Maybe think about getting yourself tested for STD's AND using condoms if you sleep with him.

You don't want HepC and or AIDS.

marie1960

This post/thread is not about an unattractive drug user, is it?

What about you straw?

What are you actually feeling and thinking?

FlippedRHalo

NONE of that matters, don't you understand?! He's going down the rabbit hole, and these are the people they choose to hang out with as they're going down it. It does NOT matter if you're the most beautiful woman on earth, that is the point! THAT is ADDICTION!

Nobody is trying to make you upset, we're all just extremely concerned because you're in complete denial at the moment and you're not seeing the writing on the wall that we're all seeing in black and white. This situation isn't just sad, it is dangerous. Love is blind, but love can also be deadly. You could potentially be looking at deadly right now. PLEASE do something before you're unable to do something.