Deftonesgirl40

Hello everyone,

I just registered to this forum today to get support in helping stop using crack and to read other's struggles and stories to know I'm not alone. Me and my boyfriend have been addicted to crack for about 8 months now and no matter how hard we try, we can't stop. Every paycheck we say we are never touching it again, and then we fall to our weaknesses and spend all of our money leaving ourselves in a never ending hell. We live in one of the worst neighborhoods in our city and when we go outside our door it's like there are 10 guys offering it. This is so hard. And we want to move out of here but now we are spending all of our money on this evil drug and it is a vicious cycle. This evil drug has caused us to blame each other, we fight constantly because we are always so stressed out about not having any money. Everytime we say we are never touching it again, payday comes and then there you go. Thank god we have an understanding landlord who has worked with us or we would have been homeless 5 months ago when my bf couldn't stop and spent all of our rent money on crack. Also it is true it does take your soul. On top of the financial stress of spending all of our money and wondering how we are going to have gas money to get to work, I can't handle the feelings of guilt of being a mother and daughter. Also with my job I don't really want to say but I am a professional and at work everyday I tell kids how bad drugs are and don't do them and I'm addicted to crack. This is horrible. Someone please help me. I don't have health insurance or the money to go to a psychiatrist right now. Is the answer an NA meeting? I don't know, but I'm willing to do anything to stop this crap. I can't live like this anymore. I am depressed and having suicidal thoughts. Any advice or your stories I would be greatly appreciative. Thanks.

least

Welcome! I'd recommend going to an NA meeting. Google it in your area and go to a meeting. They will understand what you're going thru and can give you good advice on stopping.

Gilmer

Deftonesgirl

I'm not very wise, and my problem was alcohol, but there will soon be plenty of people by to give you real support. We have a forum here specially dedicated to substance abuse, and you will see how a lot of crack addicts have overcome it.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I will pray for you and your boyfriend.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

You'll find loads of support and advice here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!

Soberwolf

Welcome its nice to meet you youl find a ton of support here

i think NA would help ive found local info for you here you go bud tampa-na.org

meeting guide times etc tampa-na.org » Meetings

Stick close to SR in gilmers link youl find even more additional support

glad you found us

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Deftonesgirl40, to SR.

Deftonesgirl40

Thanks guys, just went to the NA site and found two meetings in my zip code. I thought I could kick this evil habit that is destroying my life on my own, but now I know I can't I have to start going to meetings. I have no choice. There is no way I could tell my mom, dad or anyone close to me about my secret addiction to crack. It would break my mom's heart, they would judge me and not understand. I have to do this on my own. I have to make time. I'm a little embarrassed to go to a meeting though, but I know everyone there hopefully will be able to relate and be non - judgemental. How Ironic is that I am a social worker and tell other people not to do drugs every day at work and here I am addicted to crack???? I can't live with the guilt and being such a hypocrite anymore. One good thing I guess is I know how my clients feel being an addict, I undertstand. But I'm supposed to be morally upholding my position. ahhh the guilt, this is so hard. No one knows about my addiction except my boyfriend. and I could never tell anyone else. I'm so glad I found this forum... I need to vent somehow.

gleefan

Welcome and congratulations on taking a step towards healing from your addiction. When I realized that drinking wasn't working for me anymore, my husband continued to drink, but SR kept me distracted from my cravings. I also went to AA meetings; it was a place where I could go where there would be no alcohol for the next hour. It's powerful to have the support of other people with the same goals. Incidentally, I have a social work background as well, have seen firsthand the devestation that addiction can incur - and still became an alcoholic. Recovery is one of the best decisions I've ever made. All my best to you!

Deftonesgirl40

Oh my gosh, so you understand what I am going through about feeling so guilty. Thank you so much for the advice. One thing I'm scared of Is I've thought about the reality that if I stop and my boyfriend doesn't, I'm probably going to have to leave him and I love him so much. We have been together for 4 years. He said if I stop, he will stop. I hope so. Only time will tell. I know he won't go to a meeting with me, he has to much of an ego.

Deftonesgirl40

Another thing I forgot to add in my original post is that we currently owe our dealer $140 !!!! When we were high, just to get more we told him we would have the money this weekend and we knew we weren't going to have it until Wednesday. How could I be so stupid? I am so disgusted with myself, that is true addict behavior. Now he is really pissed and we are stressed he is going to come to our door and do god knows what I've learned my lesson, this is not worth it.

sleepie

Hi Deftonesgirl! So glad you are with us. You can turn this around. It's great that you found an NA meeting, I think that is a great first step. Go to the meeting. Stick with us too when you need to, there is always someone here for encouragement, welcome to SR

SoberLeigh

Great job finding the NA meetings, Deftonesgirl40; face to face support can be so helpful.

Stay close to SR, too; it is 24/7/365.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!!

I was also addicted to crack, coming from a career (that I lost) where I thought I "knew" better than to become an addict. I was an RN.

There are several people in recovery, some still struggling, on the substance abuse forum. You don't HAVE to go as far as I did - lost my career, everything, went to jail, was homeless for 2 years, etc.

I did leave my bf (no kids involved) because he wouldn't/didn't quit. He died a few years ago because that pipe was more important than going to a dr. and he had pneumonia.

Me? Coming up on 8 years in recovery, SR was a huge part of it. I did do meetings for a while, got a good foundation which I'm very grateful for. I've built up quite a support group from friends here and IRL.

You CAN do this, but it's got to be the most important thing in your life. Trust me, if you don't quit soon, it only gets worse.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

mns1

Hi Deftonesgirl, you've come to a good place

Jsbodhi

Hi!
Welcome, you're not alone, my degree is sociology ( conecentrated criminology) combined with psych, I plan to work as a social worker too and I'm an alcoholic

Deftonesgirl40

Thank you everyone for all of your advice and encouraging words and support. It's weird but I feel a little better all ready even knowing I've found this great online support system and I can tell you all everything without being judged. I'm going to work in an NA meeting to my schedule this week, not sure what day, but I'll come back on and let you guys know how it goes. Thank you again everyone for the support.

messyliver

Welcome to the forum xxxx

gleefan

((Deftonesgirl40)) - You don't have to figure out what will come of your boyfriend's drug use, or how your relationship will turn out. What you CAN do is be sober today, and stay sober one day at a time. SR, meetings, journal writing, and self help books - tools that I had way to much ego to employ at one point or another - ended up being really helpful for me.

Dee74

Welcome deftonesgirl

I'm really glad you found us

If you're feeling suicidal please do keep this link handy - it has a lot of crisis numbers and a lot of useful reading.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

Don't despair - things will get better. You can leave crack and addition behind.
There's a ton of support here

D

sugarbear1

not having health insurance will cost you at tax time.

rehab might help you, gotta really want to stay stopped more than you want to use.

it can be done!! I haven't touched crack in 12 years now!