NS52088

i dont want to drink anymore it has ruined my life and relationships. It has put me in positions of loss and betrayal. I feel like being sober puts me in an isolated box where, my friends who can successfully manage their alcohol intake, dont understand. I feel restricted. I feel like i put pressure on my relationship b/c my sobriety effects her. I worry more when shes out. I think im afraid to be alone and being sober makes me feel that way. But when I drink I feel even more alone. Captive to my thoughts and fears. Sobreity makes feel different from everyone else. It scares me to think about not ever having my social enclaves and the comfort ability of hanging out as a responsible drinker and not a binger. Maybe that isnt possible and maybe Im meant to be a loner. Thats what scares me the most about being sober. Its been 5 days of complete sobriety. I relapsed about three weeks ago after not drinking for 13 days. sometimes I dont know if Ill be able to keep up with it if I continue to find myself depressed when I begin to get lonely. If I drink I wont have friends and relationships but if I dont drink I dont get to participate in them and thats the hardest part for me.

Mags1

Welcome to sr, NS. I felt the same when I stopped.

People who can drink 'normally', I'm sure don't understand what we're going through.

I'm pleased you found us, there's a lot of help and experience on this forum any time you need it. It's helped me enormously for me to be who I am today, sober.
when I drank I didn't notice the non drinkers only people like me, there is a lot of people who prefer not to drink alcohol.

Give yourself time.

DoubleBarrel

Staying sober means a lot of things in your life will change.
One thing that I realized though, is that I wasn't really alone in sobriety, and the drinking friends that I had weren't very real friends at all.

Dee74

Hi and welcome NS

It's pretty common for us to think that early recovery is going to be the way it always will be...but thats just not true.

Most of us drank for years, and most of us need to make some pretty wholesale changes - these changes that time - it's just impossible to judge how your life might be on a week or two of sobriety

Things do get better - none of us would stay in recovery if that wasn't true

I have a great life now - I love it and I love who I am sober...but it took some time to build.


This is the start of the journey - not the end
Have a little faith and try and have a little patience - you're on the right track

D

advbike

I agree with Dee.. it looks daunting at first but definitely gets easier with time. After a while you won't even think about it. Also, I found some REALLY smart people don't drink alcohol. They're the guys that run companies like Oracle (Larry Ellison).. and others I'm familiar with in Silicon Valley.

NS52088

thank you all very much.. that definitely brings a bright patch of light to my outlook.. stay strong with your fight as will I

mns1

NS it is worth it. Things get better.

Just focus and have faith in that good things await in your future.

As long as keep pushing and don't give up, things will eventually begin to work in your favor.

Believe that!

littlefish

I remember early sobriety as a difficult time. Contrary to my expectation that it would be a joyful, happy and rewarding time, it was not. I remember feeling like I didn't know how find contentment in alcohol anymore, but I didn't know to find contentment in sobriety, either. I felt like I was in a nowhere place.
I had to learn about living all over: I'd spent years in a state of intoxication, experiencing key moments in life, drunk. After drinking for decades, I didn't really know who I was anymore.

All of your doubts are very normal.

Maybe it isn't sobriety that makes you feel different: maybe you felt different before alcohol, and alcohol helped you blur the concern and sweep that feeling under the rug. You are grappling with questions about your identity: are you really a loner?

All that is really normal, too! Most of us find that the issues we have been sidestepping for years come at us in a rather disquieting way in sobriety: we always postponed "dealing" by reaching for that drink and our ticket to oblivion.
The good news is that you don't have to panic in this process of self-awareness.
Maybe you ARE a loner. And maybe that's okay.

For me, sobriety was a difficult in the beginning road to self-knowledge and acceptance. But that rocky road turned into a fascinating journey. I hope you stick with it!

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Soberwolf

This