Staying Sober at a Party
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Staying Sober at a Party
Hi everyone,
So I have been sober for 30+ days now and I'm at a party for one of a friend's birthday. Most of them are drinking and I can see the alcohol bottles on the table from where I'm sitting. There are some who are not drinking and my husband is also not drinking. But just talking to friends who are obviously drunk and seeing the alcohol is getting to me. I'm really trying to stay strong here but I could use some help or advice. I told my friend we were going to leave, but she insisted we stay longer and I don't want to be a bad friend. Why does it bother me to be around those who are drinking? I have stayed sober this long but my eyes keep darting to the large bottles of alcohol on the table and my ears perk up to the slurred words of those around me. Help
So I have been sober for 30+ days now and I'm at a party for one of a friend's birthday. Most of them are drinking and I can see the alcohol bottles on the table from where I'm sitting. There are some who are not drinking and my husband is also not drinking. But just talking to friends who are obviously drunk and seeing the alcohol is getting to me. I'm really trying to stay strong here but I could use some help or advice. I told my friend we were going to leave, but she insisted we stay longer and I don't want to be a bad friend. Why does it bother me to be around those who are drinking? I have stayed sober this long but my eyes keep darting to the large bottles of alcohol on the table and my ears perk up to the slurred words of those around me. Help
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
You won't be a "bad friend" if you leave. It's ok and healthy to take care of yourself 
Really, I would just leave. I've made a lot of early exits. It doesn't sound like you are happy there. Everyone will get drunker and drunker, and you'll feel good and be happy in the AM !
Really, I would just leave. I've made a lot of early exits. It doesn't sound like you are happy there. Everyone will get drunker and drunker, and you'll feel good and be happy in the AM !
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
I echo msjax...I think you need to leave. Give your friend a hug and tell her you'll talk tomorrow. It's about protecting your sobriety right now at all costs. If it's a true friend they will understand. I've had to leave early, or decline invites and I'm really glad I did, because I'm still sober. Take care of yourself!
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
No harm at all in leaving. Your sobriety needs to come first, at all cost.
It sounds like your husband is supporting your efforts.... why not go do something fun together? A movie, a banana split or finding a nice place to look at the stars just might be the ticket.
Your friend will understand.
It sounds like your husband is supporting your efforts.... why not go do something fun together? A movie, a banana split or finding a nice place to look at the stars just might be the ticket.
Your friend will understand.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
So they are getting drunk, and you are not. It has helped me to see other people drunk when I am not, actually shows me why I don't want to drink anymore.
Regardless, you choose to do what you want, and if being there is making it hard to make YOUR choice, then leave. There are many things to do other than get drunk.
Regardless, you choose to do what you want, and if being there is making it hard to make YOUR choice, then leave. There are many things to do other than get drunk.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
In early sobriety I found the easiest way to stay sober was not to go. There will be plenty of parties in the future. But there are no guarantees there will be a future if you don't stay sober
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I agree - you're not being a bad friend by leaving.
It's pretty normal not to have a good time when you're surrounded by drinkers - especially in the early days...but it gets a little easier with time kafkaesque
D
It's pretty normal not to have a good time when you're surrounded by drinkers - especially in the early days...but it gets a little easier with time kafkaesque
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Thank you everyone for your support! It's funny because I never realized how after the first few drinks, people begin downing them so much faster! My friend was slurring so much and getting emotional over basically nothing. Mikie, you were right about how seeing that made me feel silly for obsessing over a drink. MIRecovery, I think you are right - I think while I am this vulnerable, I just need to tell my friends no to parties where there will be heavy drinking. At least while I'm still figuring this out.
To everyone else, thank you for reassuring me that it's the right decision to leave. We left a little bit ago and I'm confident it was the right decision. As soon as we walked out the door, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you everyone for all of your help!!
To everyone else, thank you for reassuring me that it's the right decision to leave. We left a little bit ago and I'm confident it was the right decision. As soon as we walked out the door, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you everyone for all of your help!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: North East Scotland
Posts: 487
Great that you left...you did the right thing.....awesome xxx
I had a similar situation on Fri evening. 1st party since stopping drinking .... it was awful - I was under a lot of pressure to drink....was called every woose under the sun - they were practically holding me down & pouring red wine down my throat.
I left at 11pm and folks were very drunk ..... but the party continued on until 4am on Sat morning. The photos appeared on Facebook on Sat afternoon of the die hard drinkers ..... OMG !!! A month ago I would have been there until the bitter end .... and it would have been my drunken face all over facebook !!! I'm very glad I don't drink .
Like Mikie9 - it helped me realise that I don't want to drink.
Well done for getting through it - it's hard.
xxxx
I had a similar situation on Fri evening. 1st party since stopping drinking .... it was awful - I was under a lot of pressure to drink....was called every woose under the sun - they were practically holding me down & pouring red wine down my throat.
I left at 11pm and folks were very drunk ..... but the party continued on until 4am on Sat morning. The photos appeared on Facebook on Sat afternoon of the die hard drinkers ..... OMG !!! A month ago I would have been there until the bitter end .... and it would have been my drunken face all over facebook !!! I'm very glad I don't drink .
Like Mikie9 - it helped me realise that I don't want to drink.
Well done for getting through it - it's hard.
xxxx
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I agree - you're not being a bad friend by leaving.
It's pretty normal not to have a good time when you're surrounded by drinkers - especially in the early days...but it gets a little easier with time kafkaesque
D
It's pretty normal not to have a good time when you're surrounded by drinkers - especially in the early days...but it gets a little easier with time kafkaesque
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Adjusting to life without drinking was hard for me, and isolating at times. I felt like I had to continue to accept all the invitations to parties when I first stopped drinking, yet I couldn't handle being around drinking, even with friends who only drink occasionally. I had to bow out of my usual social scene for a while. I wasn't close enough with everyone to tell them that I was struggling with my alcohol use, and still finding my sober legs. As my recovery has strengthened, I've gradually re emerged into the social grid. Parties and spending time with friends is a joy again.
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