scared on day 45
Don't Blink
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 342
scared on day 45
I feel paralyzed. Stuck where I am. I'm terrified of moving forward and learning my true colors. All the screwed up things that have motivated me behind the scenes. I hate myself more than I can put into words and if I dig up even more reasons to feel that way I'm afraid I wont survive. But if I do not then nothing will change and I will be stuck in this forever and I will drink again. I'm scared. I'm embarrassed. And though I have people all around I am really alone in this. I feel like a fraud. And I am so damn angry. I wish I could just start over.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
It sounds like you need to take some time and begin to find ways to like and love yourself. It might be a good idea to start a Gratitude Journal. It can help to get you into the mindset of being positive. I don't know why you hate yourself so much. We have all done things we regret while drinking, but it is possible and necessary to get beyond that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Great job on Day 45!! 
It's still early days though, we don't need to have everything figured out in a matter of months, focus on Sobriety and gradually start to work on all of those other things, it took me a long time to learn to like who I was without alcohol, it didn't happen over night, I had to learn who I was again!!
You can do this Erin!!
It's still early days though, we don't need to have everything figured out in a matter of months, focus on Sobriety and gradually start to work on all of those other things, it took me a long time to learn to like who I was without alcohol, it didn't happen over night, I had to learn who I was again!!
You can do this Erin!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
45 days is great, erin8. Congratulations.
We can't change our past but we can come to terms with it. Do you see a therapist? It could be helpful.
The past does not have to define the future but it can hinder our progress unless we learn to accept it for what it WAS so that we can move away from it and into a better and purposeful future.
Anna mentioned a Gratitude Journal; just a few entries a day could start to bring about that positive mindset Anna spoke of.
We can't change our past but we can come to terms with it. Do you see a therapist? It could be helpful.
The past does not have to define the future but it can hinder our progress unless we learn to accept it for what it WAS so that we can move away from it and into a better and purposeful future.
Anna mentioned a Gratitude Journal; just a few entries a day could start to bring about that positive mindset Anna spoke of.
Don't Blink
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 342
I try to start the day off with the right attitude. I really do. But I always slip back into all this self pity bs.
I tried therapy and I just don't think I can do it. I'm only able to be open here because you can't see me!
I don't know. I took a nap after I wrote that earlier and I'm feeling a little better but not a ton.
I feel like everyone expects me to be happy and ****. No one wants to hear the truth about how sad I am.
boo hoo. woe is me. I'm even sick of it sometimes.
I tried therapy and I just don't think I can do it. I'm only able to be open here because you can't see me!
I don't know. I took a nap after I wrote that earlier and I'm feeling a little better but not a ton.
I feel like everyone expects me to be happy and ****. No one wants to hear the truth about how sad I am.
boo hoo. woe is me. I'm even sick of it sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Have you thought about volunteering, erin8, even if it is only for an hour or two a week? Something as simple as offering tonread to a sight-limited elderlynpatientbat a nursing home can bring you and someone else fulfillment.
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