Fed Up!
I've Taken My Life Back!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Montana
Posts: 106
Fed Up!
ok I am fed up, Ive been here a week, ive posted asked questions, no answers, im trying my BEST to figure all this out, and some of you nice, but tonight, I think was the last straw. Trying to go to an online meeting, getting nasty messages from another person, distracting me from the meeting, and this person even went so far as to even make a comment in the meeting room, why? why did it go on so far? i even messaged the chairperson, nothing! I went back into this chat, and oh yeah I was ticked! Im trying to deal with all this, and I was ticked, to those of you in there, im sorry if I was harsh, but im not going to take being treated that way, dont deserve it! I have enough on my plate! I go to these posts, and post, no answers, I go to face to face alanon meetings before I can ask questions, its like pooooof everyone is gone, Im frustrated, still no answers, I dont have a clue! Now Im leary of the online meetings I did NOTHING to provoke this person from just starting to message me, why? I dont get it! I thought this was a place for answers, hope? I thought hard about even posting this, why bother? for another no answer? this is my last effort on this forum, after tonights meeting, if noone can answer some questions, or help me, then just say so! I will go back to square 1
and to the person who was so damn rude and disgusting to me, I dont know why you chose me to be the way you were, I ve figured out how to ignore you now, so have fun!
and to the person who was so damn rude and disgusting to me, I dont know why you chose me to be the way you were, I ve figured out how to ignore you now, so have fun!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Oregon
Posts: 80
eveie,
I'm sorry you've had such a bad day. I'm not really sure I can help make it better. I don't know what happened to you at the online meeting, so I don't really feel I can address that issue, except to say how sorry I am anyone made you feel any other way than welcome.
As far as answers go, wow! that is a tough one. Everyone here is trying to figure all this stuff out, some of us have been here longer and to me seem to have a wisdom and peace I'm anxious to get for myself. Yet I know that part of getting that peace is letting go of my anxieties. I know I am constantly asking questions and I don't always like the answers but I know they are given to me in love.
So I say this to you in love. Try to see things from a new perspective. We codependents get so wrapped up in our anger because we have been through a lot and most of it we couldn't understand and we can't control. The clues to why we have to go through this? That seems very individual. I know that there are people here who have been through a lot and sometimes I wonder if it wasn't just for me, so that I could see that I'm not alone and so that I could gain from their experience.
I think the hard part about working this program is that you have to find your own answers, no one here lives your life and therefore no one can tell you what to do. I know it takes time and yes, it is very frustrating but if you can take a deep breathe it will come to you. You just have to hang on through the rough parts. I hope you decide to stay.
Hugs,
M
I'm sorry you've had such a bad day. I'm not really sure I can help make it better. I don't know what happened to you at the online meeting, so I don't really feel I can address that issue, except to say how sorry I am anyone made you feel any other way than welcome.
As far as answers go, wow! that is a tough one. Everyone here is trying to figure all this stuff out, some of us have been here longer and to me seem to have a wisdom and peace I'm anxious to get for myself. Yet I know that part of getting that peace is letting go of my anxieties. I know I am constantly asking questions and I don't always like the answers but I know they are given to me in love.
So I say this to you in love. Try to see things from a new perspective. We codependents get so wrapped up in our anger because we have been through a lot and most of it we couldn't understand and we can't control. The clues to why we have to go through this? That seems very individual. I know that there are people here who have been through a lot and sometimes I wonder if it wasn't just for me, so that I could see that I'm not alone and so that I could gain from their experience.
I think the hard part about working this program is that you have to find your own answers, no one here lives your life and therefore no one can tell you what to do. I know it takes time and yes, it is very frustrating but if you can take a deep breathe it will come to you. You just have to hang on through the rough parts. I hope you decide to stay.
Hugs,
M
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Eveie,
I too am very sorry for how things are going for you. I am new to this site so I don't even know how to participate in the online meetings yet. I am also fairly new to the Al-anon program and at first I felt the members would start handing me answers too and when I didn't get them I became confused. I turned to reading every piece of Al-anon literature I could get my hands on. I quickly have realized that I AM getting answers, just not always in the form I I would like them to be in or when I want them.
I have learned that my higher power gives me the answers as I am ready to recieve them (through the readings, through listening to the experiences of others, through listening to him and my own inner voice...or however and whenever he chooses to reveal them to me).
Hang in there sweetie and please write me anytime and as much as you want. Since I'm new here and don't know anyone it would be nice to have someone to talk to.
God bless,
Jenna
I too am very sorry for how things are going for you. I am new to this site so I don't even know how to participate in the online meetings yet. I am also fairly new to the Al-anon program and at first I felt the members would start handing me answers too and when I didn't get them I became confused. I turned to reading every piece of Al-anon literature I could get my hands on. I quickly have realized that I AM getting answers, just not always in the form I I would like them to be in or when I want them.
I have learned that my higher power gives me the answers as I am ready to recieve them (through the readings, through listening to the experiences of others, through listening to him and my own inner voice...or however and whenever he chooses to reveal them to me).
Hang in there sweetie and please write me anytime and as much as you want. Since I'm new here and don't know anyone it would be nice to have someone to talk to.
God bless,
Jenna
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
(((Evie)) I am sorry if anyone made you feel unwelcome. I have yet to experience the online chat and I am sorry there are trolls out there with nothing better to do than harrass innocent people. I am sorry about your posts, I can only say if I see one I will respond. We have to all stick together, this forum is nothing without the people in it sticking together. I understand your anger and your hurt, I was in those shoes not long ago myself. Please know you aren't alone, Hugs, Teggie
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Arizona
Posts: 29
Eveie, I was not in the chat, so I don't know what you experienced there and it's a shame you had to deal with that.
I have read through all your posts, and the only question you seem to have is how to deal with your roommate. I also read all the replies. It seems to me that your questions have been answered, possibly not with the replies you wanted to hear?
Only you can help you. We here are all supportive, and understand what you are going through, but you need to take the steps to help yourself. Being here is one of those steps. You can read, go to meetings (online and face to face), and if a face to face meeting is not to your liking, try another one.
I am not trying to sound unsupportive, I hope you continue to read the messages here and understand that advice given is usually opinion from personal experience. Like the saying goes...take what you want and leave the rest.
I have read through all your posts, and the only question you seem to have is how to deal with your roommate. I also read all the replies. It seems to me that your questions have been answered, possibly not with the replies you wanted to hear?
Only you can help you. We here are all supportive, and understand what you are going through, but you need to take the steps to help yourself. Being here is one of those steps. You can read, go to meetings (online and face to face), and if a face to face meeting is not to your liking, try another one.
I am not trying to sound unsupportive, I hope you continue to read the messages here and understand that advice given is usually opinion from personal experience. Like the saying goes...take what you want and leave the rest.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 88
The pest who bothered you in chat..isn't there an ignore button? Know in your email section there is a ignore button...because I have used to ignore one certain person. Seems to work.
Sorry if anyone made you feel unwelcome. The experience I have had with the chat room was good. Met some really nice people. Hope to chat with them again. So all people aren't like this troll who bothered you.
I too am very sorry for how things are going for you. You just have to hang on through the rough parts. I hope you decide to stay.
Sorry if anyone made you feel unwelcome. The experience I have had with the chat room was good. Met some really nice people. Hope to chat with them again. So all people aren't like this troll who bothered you.
I too am very sorry for how things are going for you. You just have to hang on through the rough parts. I hope you decide to stay.
I've Taken My Life Back!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Montana
Posts: 106
Thanks
WEll thanks so much for all the replies, and yes I am frustrated, and felt very freeked outlast night and hope something was done about that as you all put it, "troll".. I have a plan in place about my roommate, its just going to take time, imon disability doing the best I can one day at a time. I start back to college in 3 weeks, so thats on my mind, learning about all this acoa stuff I think just threw me for a loop, and trying to get answers at the face to face meetings just to ask about a sponsor, etc, people just leave fast from those meetings, like pooooooof! so maybe will try other ones, not many here in the sticks...lol
I am sorry my post sounded harsh, and I didnt mean to offend. I just got to a point that I just had to say ENOUGH!!!!!!!! Its not that im hearing what I DONT want to hear, its im doing what I can, I ignore my roomate anymore, its his deal, 2 more months, I get my finacial aide check and im gone, YA HOOOOOOO! thats what I keep thinking!!! The answers tot he questions I am looking for is how does this program work? How do I get a sponsor? Those types.. Would love to hear from people on messenger so can talk to them, or by email... but it will be awhile before I try that online meeting thing again.
I even asked to have all my posts removed, THATS how uncomfortable I felt!
well thank you for your nice comments and replies I appreciate it very much!
I am sorry my post sounded harsh, and I didnt mean to offend. I just got to a point that I just had to say ENOUGH!!!!!!!! Its not that im hearing what I DONT want to hear, its im doing what I can, I ignore my roomate anymore, its his deal, 2 more months, I get my finacial aide check and im gone, YA HOOOOOOO! thats what I keep thinking!!! The answers tot he questions I am looking for is how does this program work? How do I get a sponsor? Those types.. Would love to hear from people on messenger so can talk to them, or by email... but it will be awhile before I try that online meeting thing again.
I even asked to have all my posts removed, THATS how uncomfortable I felt!
well thank you for your nice comments and replies I appreciate it very much!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi eveie,
I don't think that you are going to get all your answers in one week, but I can help you with the one's that you have posted here.
If you are looking for an Al-Anon meeting in your area, There is a link in the Links forum that can put you through to local meeting schedules.
There is a lot of Al-Anon and ACoA literature at meetings that can help explain the 12 step program of Al-Anon as well as the slogans, and tools that aid recovery.
There is a free pamplet available at meetings to explain sponsorship.
If you are only looking for online meetings and sponsors, I can't help, but there are people on this board that can.
As far as people not responding to your posts, that isn't true. If you are looking for a response that suits you, you may not get it. There are as many different paths to recovery as there are people here. We share our experience, strength and hope, but it is up to you to decide which path is right for you.
If someone is harrassing you, or not following the rules of the community, there are many moderators that you can contact. If one doesn't respond, there is probably a reason. That is why there are many mods.
Good luck with your new recovery. It takes time and some patience, so don't give up. Hugs, Magic
I don't think that you are going to get all your answers in one week, but I can help you with the one's that you have posted here.
If you are looking for an Al-Anon meeting in your area, There is a link in the Links forum that can put you through to local meeting schedules.
There is a lot of Al-Anon and ACoA literature at meetings that can help explain the 12 step program of Al-Anon as well as the slogans, and tools that aid recovery.
There is a free pamplet available at meetings to explain sponsorship.
If you are only looking for online meetings and sponsors, I can't help, but there are people on this board that can.
As far as people not responding to your posts, that isn't true. If you are looking for a response that suits you, you may not get it. There are as many different paths to recovery as there are people here. We share our experience, strength and hope, but it is up to you to decide which path is right for you.
If someone is harrassing you, or not following the rules of the community, there are many moderators that you can contact. If one doesn't respond, there is probably a reason. That is why there are many mods.
Good luck with your new recovery. It takes time and some patience, so don't give up. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
eveie - good luck girl - at least you have a deadline - 2 weeks - i hope things work out for you. seems there are idiots whereever you go - don't let a few "rotten apples" discourage you! Hang tough and come back!
cwohio
cwohio
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Hi Eveie,
I am so very sorry for what happened in the chat last night. That was the first time it has happened in one of my chats and I really REALLY hope that you will come back and try it again. I believe that person/situation has been dealt with, and you shouldn't be having any more problems.
As for answers, please keep posting and asking your questions. Also, if you aren't comfortable with your face to face meeting, see if there is a different one. I have had to go to 3 or 4 diff meetings until I found the one that I felt the most comfortable with.
Regarding getting a sponsor, most groups will pass out a telephone list. In my home group. certain people were designated as temporary sponsors. Otherwise, just listen to people in the group and then go up to one and ask if she would be your sponsor. It's nothing personal if the first person you ask says "no" sometimes it has to do with what's going on in HER life.
There are different kinds of sponsors. Some are very involved and give homework and all sorts of things to help guide you in your recovery. Others are just there to listen and help you work things out in your own time. Ask your Higher Power to direct you to the right kind of person. I waited about 3 or 4 weeks and suddenly knew the right person for me.
I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry for the problems in the online meeting last night. I was doing the best I could and I think its been resolved so that won't happen again.
Hugs and love
Barb
I am so very sorry for what happened in the chat last night. That was the first time it has happened in one of my chats and I really REALLY hope that you will come back and try it again. I believe that person/situation has been dealt with, and you shouldn't be having any more problems.
As for answers, please keep posting and asking your questions. Also, if you aren't comfortable with your face to face meeting, see if there is a different one. I have had to go to 3 or 4 diff meetings until I found the one that I felt the most comfortable with.
Regarding getting a sponsor, most groups will pass out a telephone list. In my home group. certain people were designated as temporary sponsors. Otherwise, just listen to people in the group and then go up to one and ask if she would be your sponsor. It's nothing personal if the first person you ask says "no" sometimes it has to do with what's going on in HER life.
There are different kinds of sponsors. Some are very involved and give homework and all sorts of things to help guide you in your recovery. Others are just there to listen and help you work things out in your own time. Ask your Higher Power to direct you to the right kind of person. I waited about 3 or 4 weeks and suddenly knew the right person for me.
I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry for the problems in the online meeting last night. I was doing the best I could and I think its been resolved so that won't happen again.
Hugs and love
Barb
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