At my wit's end
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 2
At my wit's end
Hi
first of all, it was tough decision to hit the "register"-button at the top of the page. It took me days to finally click on it.
I have become discontented with myself lately. I wonder if something's wrong with me.
-early 30s
-in a stable, very good relationship, no kids yet
-well-paid job (stressful at times, but I'm happy for out of five days)
-no debts, never had trouble with the law
-healthy
So overall my life seems to be in good shape.
My problem is that I get regularly drunk once a week, usually on Fridays. I consume 3-5 large beers and a few shots. If we'd consider one large beer one unit, I'm hovering in between 5-8 units.
I used to have two beers everyday in the evening in my late 20s, but as soon as I started to feel kinda guilty about it I stopped.
Late 20s were a much heavier time for me, drinking-wise as well as in term of job insecurity, changing employers, and so forth.
I'm very rarely drinking the rest of the week. And it feels good and enjoyable not to drink most of the time, because my mind is clear, I can read books and papers in the evening, I wake up refreshed and full of energy.
Drinking too much seemed like a bad habit to me, like eating too much candy as if it was all about just not doing it.
But on Friday nights, the drinks are like a pressure relief valve to me. It is then when I can kinda let go, feel in touch with others, just have a good time. Followed by nausea, headaches and bad thoughts the next day, cursing myself for being such an idiot. Then teetotal till Friday, feel lust for life, thinking couple of beers can't be bad, meet buddies, rinse, repeat.
My girlfriend thinks I exaggerate the problem ,am hard on myself. Soon as I'd stop meeting certain buddies and leave out the shots, everything would be fine.
I went teetotal for about eight weeks in a row last year. It wasn't that hard, because I occupied my mind with other things like exercising, cooking, motorcycling, but when I reached my time goal, I went straight back to my sick routine.
I had quite a difficult childhood, step-father an alcoholic but not abusive. Family history is rich with mental issues, addictions, eating disorder. We even have a white-collar crime badass. Since a few years I avoid to meet the family (except my mom). They do not make my life better.
I am always kind of afraid what other people think, of not being good enough.
I guess the underlying issue covered in alcohol might be that I have a low opinion of myself.
So what can you suggest me to do? How can I break the routine? How can I relax, get in touch with people, feel free without intoxication?
first of all, it was tough decision to hit the "register"-button at the top of the page. It took me days to finally click on it.
I have become discontented with myself lately. I wonder if something's wrong with me.
-early 30s
-in a stable, very good relationship, no kids yet
-well-paid job (stressful at times, but I'm happy for out of five days)
-no debts, never had trouble with the law
-healthy
So overall my life seems to be in good shape.
My problem is that I get regularly drunk once a week, usually on Fridays. I consume 3-5 large beers and a few shots. If we'd consider one large beer one unit, I'm hovering in between 5-8 units.
I used to have two beers everyday in the evening in my late 20s, but as soon as I started to feel kinda guilty about it I stopped.
Late 20s were a much heavier time for me, drinking-wise as well as in term of job insecurity, changing employers, and so forth.
I'm very rarely drinking the rest of the week. And it feels good and enjoyable not to drink most of the time, because my mind is clear, I can read books and papers in the evening, I wake up refreshed and full of energy.
Drinking too much seemed like a bad habit to me, like eating too much candy as if it was all about just not doing it.
But on Friday nights, the drinks are like a pressure relief valve to me. It is then when I can kinda let go, feel in touch with others, just have a good time. Followed by nausea, headaches and bad thoughts the next day, cursing myself for being such an idiot. Then teetotal till Friday, feel lust for life, thinking couple of beers can't be bad, meet buddies, rinse, repeat.
My girlfriend thinks I exaggerate the problem ,am hard on myself. Soon as I'd stop meeting certain buddies and leave out the shots, everything would be fine.
I went teetotal for about eight weeks in a row last year. It wasn't that hard, because I occupied my mind with other things like exercising, cooking, motorcycling, but when I reached my time goal, I went straight back to my sick routine.
I had quite a difficult childhood, step-father an alcoholic but not abusive. Family history is rich with mental issues, addictions, eating disorder. We even have a white-collar crime badass. Since a few years I avoid to meet the family (except my mom). They do not make my life better.
I am always kind of afraid what other people think, of not being good enough.
I guess the underlying issue covered in alcohol might be that I have a low opinion of myself.
So what can you suggest me to do? How can I break the routine? How can I relax, get in touch with people, feel free without intoxication?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
It seems that among some early comers that seem to have a good life they put so much importance in drinking. Only you can say if you’re an alcoholic and to prevent it from being a life sucking problem the simple thing to do is just don’t drink ANY alcohol especially if at this stage it’s easy for you.
It’s that simple!
Perhaps you might go to some OPEN AA meetings to hear aboyt the progression and you might identify with certain signposts?
BE WELL
It seems that among some early comers that seem to have a good life they put so much importance in drinking. Only you can say if you’re an alcoholic and to prevent it from being a life sucking problem the simple thing to do is just don’t drink ANY alcohol especially if at this stage it’s easy for you.
It’s that simple!
Perhaps you might go to some OPEN AA meetings to hear aboyt the progression and you might identify with certain signposts?
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by MysteryTramp 
AA...basically, what I was trying to say, I am not sure if alcohol is the problem or if alcohol is covering up a more mental problem. Of self-esteem or self-image or something like that.
These are the reasons many people drink and AA helps uncover them and aids in repairing them, if we want to, as many resist and these reasons grow as a result of continued alcohol use.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by MysteryTramp
AA...basically, what I was trying to say, I am not sure if alcohol is the problem or if alcohol is covering up a more mental problem. Of self-esteem or self-image or something like that.
Tolstoy wrote on the spiritual disconnect with our real lives and how we use alcohol to numb the resulting pain. Very insightful.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
Set another time goal with an option to extend. Use that time to figure out whether or not you have additional issues and/or need additional help.
Just an idea.
Originally Posted by MysteryTramp
I went teetotal for about eight weeks in a row last year. It wasn't that hard, because I occupied my mind with other things like exercising, cooking, motorcycling, but when I reached my time goal, I went straight back to my sick routine.
Just an idea.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
MysteryTramp would you consider yourself an introverted person?
I ask this because you remind me of myself in a way. I'm very introverted and don't like big social gatherings. But alcohol always made me come out of my shell.
I've always had the problem of constantly thinking others are judging me in some way, always thinking I was doing or saying something that made people dislike me. But what I've come to realize over time is that many people are actually afraid to approach me because I convey unwelcoming body language. I tend to be tense and carry a stern look on my face. I can't tell you how many times I've been told, "I didn't realize you were such a nice guy. You look like you wanna hurt someone!"
Does that sound anything like yourself?
I ask this because you remind me of myself in a way. I'm very introverted and don't like big social gatherings. But alcohol always made me come out of my shell.
I've always had the problem of constantly thinking others are judging me in some way, always thinking I was doing or saying something that made people dislike me. But what I've come to realize over time is that many people are actually afraid to approach me because I convey unwelcoming body language. I tend to be tense and carry a stern look on my face. I can't tell you how many times I've been told, "I didn't realize you were such a nice guy. You look like you wanna hurt someone!"
Does that sound anything like yourself?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 269
There is no "test" for alcohol per se. You determine if you need help by examining your own life and mental state.
I think you hit on one great way to break the routine - filling your life with w whole host of other activities to help keep you occupied and your life interesting. Recently, I have just been coming to the conclusion that is going to be an essential part of my recovery. When I am occupied, drinking isn't even a thought. It is the down time and boredom that kill me.
If you need more help, keep posting here. This community is amazing, go to aa, see your doctor, talk to your church, be kind to yourself.
There really are so many options!
I think you hit on one great way to break the routine - filling your life with w whole host of other activities to help keep you occupied and your life interesting. Recently, I have just been coming to the conclusion that is going to be an essential part of my recovery. When I am occupied, drinking isn't even a thought. It is the down time and boredom that kill me.
If you need more help, keep posting here. This community is amazing, go to aa, see your doctor, talk to your church, be kind to yourself.
There really are so many options!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Welcome, MysteryTramp, to SR.
AAbs a great place do some 'digging' - to do some introspection and find the root causes of drinking.
Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
Glad you found SR. This is a great place for support, understanding and encouragement.
AAbs a great place do some 'digging' - to do some introspection and find the root causes of drinking.
Have you thought about seeing a therapist?
Glad you found SR. This is a great place for support, understanding and encouragement.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by MysteryTramp
AA...basically, what I was trying to say, I am not sure if alcohol is the problem or if alcohol is covering up a more mental problem. Of self-esteem or self-image or something like that.
At 7 months sober my head has cleared some so I may start to find other solutions.
Keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I was on the fence about my drinking problem for a while, too. I still am not sure how I define it. Someone challenged me to give 6 months to sobriety to really have a fair comparison. I have found I like sobriety so much that I am now going on 16 months sober. I think people who truly do not have drinking problems never even think about it. Like for me, I can drink one cup of coffee in the morning and that is plenty for me. I don't crave it. I am not distressed if I can't have any some morning. My coffee consumption has never even been debated in my mind. I think that is how it is for most healthy, non-addicted people with alcohol. When I quit drinking, I had spent the whole summer only drinking on the weekends. I was amazed at the level of withdrawal symptoms I still had when I quit alcohol completely. Sobriety has been an eye-opener all of the way around for me and I am still on the learning curve.
Second, I really think you should explore codependency. You have a dysfunctional background. My mother is an alcoholic, so I understand. A majority of codependents have addiction issues. Our survival instincts have been to be on hyper-alert mode, constantly monitoring and trying to control situations and other people. To relieve the anxiety and worry that is created by this, we often turn to our relief valves which for many of us is the easy way ~ alcohol and other addictive drugs, but the catch 22 is that these things really just add to the problem, despite the illusion of relief. Mindfulness has become a huge part of my recovery. Do yourself a favor, and learn more about it. Good luck!!!
Second, I really think you should explore codependency. You have a dysfunctional background. My mother is an alcoholic, so I understand. A majority of codependents have addiction issues. Our survival instincts have been to be on hyper-alert mode, constantly monitoring and trying to control situations and other people. To relieve the anxiety and worry that is created by this, we often turn to our relief valves which for many of us is the easy way ~ alcohol and other addictive drugs, but the catch 22 is that these things really just add to the problem, despite the illusion of relief. Mindfulness has become a huge part of my recovery. Do yourself a favor, and learn more about it. Good luck!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think the reality is that alcohol is the symptom. It's the underlying problems we need to deal with. So, stopping drinking as you have, is not satisfying in itself. You need to find healthy ways to deal with stress and life in general. Of course, exercising is good, music, reading, meditating - all those help. Volunteer work really got me outside of myself and gave me a great grounding in gratitude.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Originally Posted by mns1
MysteryTramp would you consider yourself an introverted person? I ask this because you remind me of myself in a way. I'm very introverted and don't like big social gatherings. But alcohol always made me come out of my shell. I've always had the problem of constantly thinking others are judging me in some way, always thinking I was doing or saying something that made people dislike me. But what I've come to realize over time is that many people are actually afraid to approach me because I convey unwelcoming body language. I tend to be tense and carry a stern look on my face. I can't tell you how many times I've been told, "I didn't realize you were such a nice guy. You look like you wanna hurt someone!" Does that sound anything like yourself?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
Welcome MysteryTramp (great name - Dylan fan here)
If my experience is any guide it's a little of both. I had underlying issues that led me to drinking...but over the years I also developed alcoholism.
Either way I think abstinence may help you MT?
D
what I was trying to say, I am not sure if alcohol is the problem or if alcohol is covering up a more mental problem. Of self-esteem or self-image or something like that.
Either way I think abstinence may help you MT?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by MysteryTramp
AA...basically, what I was trying to say, I am not sure if alcohol is the problem or if alcohol is covering up a more mental problem. Of self-esteem or self-image or something like that.
It says in there alcohol is but a symptom of a much deeper problem.
Not only that but has a pretty good solution for those deeper problems.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 90
For me alcohol was there to self medicate all of my thoughts and feelings. It was a quick way to numb everything. If you're questioning things, AA meetings or therapy can be great sources to understand more about yourself. Therapy has helped me greatly to explore all of the thoughts and feelings I had numbed for years. Glad you joined us. This site is a great resource as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Hello and Welcome to SR MT,
"Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time." -BB pg 32
"If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. - BB pg34
Look deep into yourself and decide what you are. We are here to answer any questions we can. Wishing you the best!
"Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time." -BB pg 32
"If anyone questions whether he has entered this dangerous area, let him try leaving liquor alone for one year. - BB pg34
Look deep into yourself and decide what you are. We are here to answer any questions we can. Wishing you the best!
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