jt22

So today my roomate is moving out cause he can't take my mood swings(hes family ive known since birth), i have no job and im terrible with keeping them, cant afford to pay rent by myself with the little savings i got, im in classes but dont feel like i belong with anyone there and im not confident in my abilities to do well, i have next to no friends, i push away everyone from me. I am only stable when im by myself, but no one likes to be alone so it kills me. I feel so lost right now, i want to have a place to belong but ive always been different even before drugs. I have had some bad events in my life that my own stupidity brought on and they have scarred me. I am adopted and was told once that my real dad is nothing but an unemployed loser, i cant help but shake the feeling thats all im meant to be. I just tend to bring upon drama in my life just to feel something. I am diagnosed with ADD and dont know how to gather my life and get in the right direction, everything is extremely difficult for me and i just dont know if i can do it. Sunday will be 3 weeks off opiates for me, and im 1 day off smoking weed. I really dont know how to deal with myself it seems to be more than just addiction affecting me. Its like i love and hate everyone at the same time. Anyway thanks for reading my rant i dont have anyone else to talk to when i feel like exploding so it helps to just post it on here.

Marcher13

You have a lot of friends and supporters here Jim, I'm just one, one day at a time will get you through this. For now focus on your sobriety, in time you can deal with the rest.

Dee74

I agree with Marcher Jim - focus on your recovery and you'll be amazed how much of the other stuff falls into place, or solutions become a lot clearer

D

Nofearnobeer

Sounds like yer all caught up in a state of feeling overwhelmed and can't sort it out...Been there many times....Take a deeeeeep breathe and jot your thoughts down on a paper...

Things you enjoy in one column , and the things that irritate you in another...

Over time , try to increase the enjoyment column , and knock some things off the other column...

Now , Take another deeeeeep Breathe........Exhale...

Happy Saturday, we're all here for ya...Hang in there....

jt22

I appreciate it all, but how do I focus on sobriety when I have nothing else to distract me? Here I am another saturday in an empty room with no one, looking at my phone. Maybe I'm just a terrible person, in which case there's nothing else for me to look forward to.

Soberwolf

Your not a terrible person

You focus on your sobriety by taking action

Your in a room right ? you got a pen & paper ?

Start writing what your going to do to stay sober ie a sober plan

Start keeping a journal and write how you feel its great for reflection

Read a book on sobriety ? living sober is a fantastic book or just read a good book to distract your mind

stick close to us it wont always be like this

it never rains forever

Dee74

there's nothing that says you need to sit in your room. There must be a million things a young guy could do, sober, with a little imagination and thought.

Think about things you're interested in, or hobbies you've let go...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

I really recommend volunteering for getting out of your own head

Not smoking is one thing...building a life you love is another.
Sitting there looking at the walls is tolerable when you're stoned, but sober folks need more....

It takes a little while, but your life will be what you make it, Jim

D

jt22

The only thing I do productive is exercise. It's cold and dark here all the time so anything outside is out of the question. I'm working on getting a job. I read, but can't do it very long without losing focus. thanks for the help, but I think for now at least I am going to have to be miserable staring at walls.

SlickRick07

If you can get through this dark time in your life dealing with all of the pain, then there is nothing you won't be able to do in the future. In times like this people either keep going or quit. I believe you will keep going.

Dee74

I hope you wont settle for miserable Jim'...this is the beginning of your new life, man

D

jt22

thanks, youre all too kind hah, I think I'm going to watch a movie and go to sleep. Having dinner with my parents and gram tomorrow. I always have a good time when I get to see them so hopefully it'll be a bit of a better day. I'm going to take your guys advice and try to work at this and write some things down as well. I guess I'm just very impatient and lonely, the mood swings don't help either. I'm hoping they subside idk if I can go through life dealing with such extreme ups and downs, but I am willing to give it time.