Random Text....
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Random Text....
Not anywhere near over all of this, but definitely feeling much better. I spent the entire day with an old friend that I used to ride with. She just bought a new house and barn, so we talked and hung out with her horses all day - it was exactly what I needed. I didn't even take my phone with me to the barn and it was so peaceful to close out the world for the day.
We leave the barn and drive the Gator over the hill back to her house. As we're about to have dinner, I check my phone....
Message from him saying he saw the trailer for part 3 of a movie we watched together and it made him think of me. Then immediately after, a text that said "sorry."
Before we broke up, I asked him to get help. He promised and swore he would, but didn't. The day we broke up, I asked him to either get help NOW or the wedding was off and our relationship was over. He chose to let our relationship end and not get help. So why? He broke my heart into pieces already. What more does he want? Why bother texting something like that?
Amazingly, it didn't bother me all that much. It hurts, yes, but I'm getting so much stronger. I loved him to pieces and there was nothing I wouldn't have done to help him, but he CHOSE not to get help. Now, live with your choices. I tried so damn hard, I fought so hard for us and when it came down to the wire, instead of putting what he had into helping our relationship, and especially himself, he folded. So WHY bother letting me know that something reminded you of me?
I don't understand why he'd want me to hurt more than he knows I already must have hurt when we broke up. I'm not sure if that was the intent, but when he had the chance to fix things, he didn't. So, why freakin' bother even saying that to me? Ugh.
We leave the barn and drive the Gator over the hill back to her house. As we're about to have dinner, I check my phone....
Message from him saying he saw the trailer for part 3 of a movie we watched together and it made him think of me. Then immediately after, a text that said "sorry."
Before we broke up, I asked him to get help. He promised and swore he would, but didn't. The day we broke up, I asked him to either get help NOW or the wedding was off and our relationship was over. He chose to let our relationship end and not get help. So why? He broke my heart into pieces already. What more does he want? Why bother texting something like that?
Amazingly, it didn't bother me all that much. It hurts, yes, but I'm getting so much stronger. I loved him to pieces and there was nothing I wouldn't have done to help him, but he CHOSE not to get help. Now, live with your choices. I tried so damn hard, I fought so hard for us and when it came down to the wire, instead of putting what he had into helping our relationship, and especially himself, he folded. So WHY bother letting me know that something reminded you of me?
I don't understand why he'd want me to hurt more than he knows I already must have hurt when we broke up. I'm not sure if that was the intent, but when he had the chance to fix things, he didn't. So, why freakin' bother even saying that to me? Ugh.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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It is tempting to confuse causation with intent, but doing so can take an unfortunate, temporarily uncomfortable situation and turn it into something more dramatic that you can obsess on without ever resolving. He sent the text, and it caused you to feel hurt, but that does not mean he sent the text to hurt you.
He is going to keep reaching out until he understands that he really can't go back to the life he had before you called things off. My XABF didn't want to just not break up, he wanted things to stay exactly the same. He kept reaching out after we broke up too. Testing the waters to see if I was so lonely or miserable in the wake of the breakup that I was willing to overlook the very reasons we'd broken up in the first place, and to return to the status quo of alcoholic and enabler. Only when I stopped engaging did the messages stop.
He is going to keep reaching out until he understands that he really can't go back to the life he had before you called things off. My XABF didn't want to just not break up, he wanted things to stay exactly the same. He kept reaching out after we broke up too. Testing the waters to see if I was so lonely or miserable in the wake of the breakup that I was willing to overlook the very reasons we'd broken up in the first place, and to return to the status quo of alcoholic and enabler. Only when I stopped engaging did the messages stop.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Marie, my phone is a work phone and it's an older version. It gets upgraded in March, but as of now, I have no capability of blocking him. I did initially have an app on there that blocked his number, however, our work phones are for work purposes only and we're not allowed apps, internet or anything personal that isn't work related. I don't know if that means I'm not allowed to use that app or not honestly, but I'd rather not talk to HR about this situation to find out, so on the side of caution, I removed it. A co-worker of mine recently got written up for using her work phone for personal reasons, which worried me enough to remove the personal app. He is completely blocked on my personal phone, but unfortunately, he knows my work phone is my main phone and has the number.
I haven't replied or responded in any way to ANY of his texts that he's sent since the day we broke up. I avoid every single place that I even remotely think I may run into him. I've blocked him, his family members, his friends and anyone that might even possibly post something regarding him. At this point, I won't even spend time with people that were friends with both of us because I won't even risk the chance of his name being brought up.
I haven't replied or responded in any way to ANY of his texts that he's sent since the day we broke up. I avoid every single place that I even remotely think I may run into him. I've blocked him, his family members, his friends and anyone that might even possibly post something regarding him. At this point, I won't even spend time with people that were friends with both of us because I won't even risk the chance of his name being brought up.
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Posts: 322
That's the thing....I haven't, not once, engaged at all since we broke up. It kills me sometimes, I'll admit that, but as much as I want to wish, hope, pray that things would change if we tried to work things out, I know they won't and that is what keeps my resolve.
Instead of being a man, who KNOWS he has a serious problem, and getting help to save himself and our relationship, that supposedly meant everything in this world to him, he chose to bail on me, my daughter, our life, our home, our dogs (I know this may sound crazy to some, but he and our dog had a bond like nothing I've ever seen and it hurts me immensely that he abandoned her too. That poor thing laid by the front door in a depression forever waiting for her dad to come back home and he never did. Call me insane, but that literally broke my heart into pieces). I know he's an alcoholic and that is what they do, and normally there is a big part of me that feels pity for that, but today I'm ANGRY! Yesterday was my day of solitude and peace. I had so much fun, serenity and healing just by doing what I loved again and I'm p*ssed that he tried to interrupt that after what he's done. I KNOW that he didn't know I was there and doing that, but I KNOW that I was and it's just making me so mad today! I like being angry, I haven't felt this toward him yet. Anger is so much easier than hurt.
This is how I feel right now...I feel like he's a d@mn coward. I feel like he CHOSE to walk away instead of do the right thing and now he has no D@MN right to interrupt MY LIFE, MY HEALING, MY TIME anymore. He hurt me, my daughter, my family and it's been really hard going through this healing process.
Who the H#LL does he think he is to just throw out a random "I saw the trailer for part three and it made me think of you. Sorry" text and interrupt MY time with something so dumb? Really, a trailer to a movie made you think of me? That's what made you think of me? After all of the time we were together, lived together, planned a life and wedding together, were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together and a FREAKIN' MOVIE TRAILER IS WHAT MAKES YOU THINK OF ME?!!! Oh, just WOW. I thought of him almost every second of every day for almost a month after we split and still have to avoid things that make me think of him so I'm not triggered and you think of me only because of a movie trailer?!! I could punch him!!
How about this...how about you go have a drink or 20 so you don't have to think about me because of a movie trailer or for any other reason. How about you just drink insane amounts of alcohol for the rest of your life so you don't have to think at all?
Oh, that's right...that's already what you do.
Get a life. Get a spine. Coward.
Wowww....I'm a little angry.
Instead of being a man, who KNOWS he has a serious problem, and getting help to save himself and our relationship, that supposedly meant everything in this world to him, he chose to bail on me, my daughter, our life, our home, our dogs (I know this may sound crazy to some, but he and our dog had a bond like nothing I've ever seen and it hurts me immensely that he abandoned her too. That poor thing laid by the front door in a depression forever waiting for her dad to come back home and he never did. Call me insane, but that literally broke my heart into pieces). I know he's an alcoholic and that is what they do, and normally there is a big part of me that feels pity for that, but today I'm ANGRY! Yesterday was my day of solitude and peace. I had so much fun, serenity and healing just by doing what I loved again and I'm p*ssed that he tried to interrupt that after what he's done. I KNOW that he didn't know I was there and doing that, but I KNOW that I was and it's just making me so mad today! I like being angry, I haven't felt this toward him yet. Anger is so much easier than hurt.
This is how I feel right now...I feel like he's a d@mn coward. I feel like he CHOSE to walk away instead of do the right thing and now he has no D@MN right to interrupt MY LIFE, MY HEALING, MY TIME anymore. He hurt me, my daughter, my family and it's been really hard going through this healing process.
Who the H#LL does he think he is to just throw out a random "I saw the trailer for part three and it made me think of you. Sorry" text and interrupt MY time with something so dumb? Really, a trailer to a movie made you think of me? That's what made you think of me? After all of the time we were together, lived together, planned a life and wedding together, were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together and a FREAKIN' MOVIE TRAILER IS WHAT MAKES YOU THINK OF ME?!!! Oh, just WOW. I thought of him almost every second of every day for almost a month after we split and still have to avoid things that make me think of him so I'm not triggered and you think of me only because of a movie trailer?!! I could punch him!!
How about this...how about you go have a drink or 20 so you don't have to think about me because of a movie trailer or for any other reason. How about you just drink insane amounts of alcohol for the rest of your life so you don't have to think at all?
Oh, that's right...that's already what you do.
Get a life. Get a spine. Coward.
Wowww....I'm a little angry.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
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I was in an AA mtg on tuesday. The secretary shared her experience. When she was drinking, gratification of instinct was #1 for her, anytime, everywhere. Even after she started in AA her game was to go side next to the cutest guy in the room, etc. It took her working the steps to get the spiritual development going and get some emotional sobriety.
I'd suggest he might be gratifying sentimentality towards what you two had. Please pardon me for saying so but why do you need an app to block him at this point- you could choose to leave his messages unread and avoid provoking your own resentments and/or anger.
I'd suggest he might be gratifying sentimentality towards what you two had. Please pardon me for saying so but why do you need an app to block him at this point- you could choose to leave his messages unread and avoid provoking your own resentments and/or anger.
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Flipped....feeling the anger is a good thing. After all, it is one of the emotions of grieving.
Go ahead feel it..wallow it--enjoy it, even. Totally o.k.
Now, here is the good part: There will come a day, I promise y ou, that he could take a whiz in the m iddle of the intersection singing "Sweet Clementine", and it won't even phase you!
dandylion
Go ahead feel it..wallow it--enjoy it, even. Totally o.k.
Now, here is the good part: There will come a day, I promise y ou, that he could take a whiz in the m iddle of the intersection singing "Sweet Clementine", and it won't even phase you!
dandylion
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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if your phone is work purposes only, how'd he get your number?
you have some choices.
1) quit reading his texts, just DELETE them.
2) don't see anything he texts as being an attack or an attempt to HURT you, see it as nothing more than a few words banged out with his thumbs.
3) talk to work, let them know your phone has been compromised and ask for a new number.
you have some choices.
1) quit reading his texts, just DELETE them.
2) don't see anything he texts as being an attack or an attempt to HURT you, see it as nothing more than a few words banged out with his thumbs.
3) talk to work, let them know your phone has been compromised and ask for a new number.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
I'll be speaking with HR on Monday - I didn't want to get into my personal life at work because the situation is embarrassing to me, however, I have to do something.
He has the number because I gave it to him. Because I work different floors and units, it can be hard to reach me and I usually don't have my personal phone on while there. Only him, my kids, my parents and my daughter's school have it and that is only incase of an emergency and I need to be reached quickly. I've had that work phone number since the beginning of time and since he and I lived together and he was also an emergency contact for the kids, it was given to him a long time ago.
I shouldn't read them, you're right. It's just so frustrating. I do realize something needs to be done about this particular phone and I guess I'm going to have to swallow my pride on Monday and explain the situation. I didn't want to have to get into it with work, but I guess I don't have any more options at this point.
He has the number because I gave it to him. Because I work different floors and units, it can be hard to reach me and I usually don't have my personal phone on while there. Only him, my kids, my parents and my daughter's school have it and that is only incase of an emergency and I need to be reached quickly. I've had that work phone number since the beginning of time and since he and I lived together and he was also an emergency contact for the kids, it was given to him a long time ago.
I shouldn't read them, you're right. It's just so frustrating. I do realize something needs to be done about this particular phone and I guess I'm going to have to swallow my pride on Monday and explain the situation. I didn't want to have to get into it with work, but I guess I don't have any more options at this point.
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Location: maine
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I have a smart phone and a dumb (but thrifty!) plan. No blocking app available. I CAN assign an incoming number a specific ringtone.
I created a contact named Spam. I picked the least obnoxious ringtone for all the calls I wanted to ignore. Every call i receive from every number I want to ignore is another contact number for "Spam." Home, mobile, fax, work, other, I must have two dozen numbers for Spam.
I created a contact named Spam. I picked the least obnoxious ringtone for all the calls I wanted to ignore. Every call i receive from every number I want to ignore is another contact number for "Spam." Home, mobile, fax, work, other, I must have two dozen numbers for Spam.
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