freetosmile

I need help re-focusing!! I have a TON of homework and I just can't concentrate. I'm so nervous about picking this dude up from treatment.

Here's what is running through my brain:

1. I might totally cave and lose all the ground I've gained since he has been gone.

2. What if I forget all that I've learned so far and don't apply it? I've applied some by not answering phone calls and simply hanging up...but that's about it.

3. What happens if he finds out that I stayed at my sisters when I dropped him off? What do I say?

4. What do I say if he starts badgering me about what I did while he was away?

5. What if the roads are bad?

6. What if I have a panic attack while I'm driving?

7. How am I going to survive staying at mom's house? Will I be able to just get there and go to bed? (Her house is like an episode of hoarders---the dirty and disgusting hoarders)......

all these if's and I know that I can't keep thinking about this crap....please help me to re-focus. I'm pretty scared. I leave tomorrow morning........

I know you guys can't help me answer some of these questions, but this is the BS that is running through my head over and over.

I feel a full blown panic attack coming on....

ladyscribbler

1. You got this. You'll be fine.
2. You got this. You'll be fine.
3. You're an adult who made the safest choice for yourself. No need to justify.
4. Give him a detailed description of every bowel movement, menstrual ache and nose blow you've had since he left.
5. Accept the things you cannot change.
6. Pull over and meditate/do deep breathing until the episode passes.
7. Accept the things you cannot change.

What if he had to find his own way home? This seems like an incredible amount of stress to deal with for something you don't really want to happen.

dandylion

freetosmile....first of all, slow down. Get quiet and do verrry slow and deep breathing.

I just left you a post on your last thread about this very subject!! Did you read it? If you read it, did you do it?

After you have calmed yourself....I suggest that you write your plans for each contingency on paper. The "loaded and locked" that we talked about.
Plan A. PlanB. PlanC.

You have been to hell and back...you certainly are going to handle this.
This I know for sure..we have no idea how brave and strong we are until there is no other option. It shows up just at the MINUTE that you actually have to use it!! Every time. I promise you that.

dandylion

Katchie

I'm in agreement with Lady and Dandy...You're going to be fine. Use the above info to put your mind in the right place. I will be praying for you. God has given you the resources, the know how, and the spunk to do what you need to do when you need to do it. Rest in that hon. BIG gigantor hugs!

Carlotta

"Mind your own business, I am a grown woman" comes to mind.
Is he physically abusive to you too? It sounds like you are scared that he might flip and hit you in which case you really need to ensure your physical safety first.
Anyway you are a grown woman. You are not the one who messed up and ended up in rehab. He needs to mind his own freaking business and focus on his recovery.
Ladyscribbler gave you some great advice

FireSprite

Completely agree with everything Lady said above.

All I can add is that it's almost impossible not to make a single mistake during all of this. Don't expect perfection out of yourself any more than you do from him. And keep working on Plan B, it seems fairly likely that you will need to use it, even just temporarily. ((((hugs)))))

tomsteve

Ok, so, here's what I'm thinkin. Flashin back to the drunken SOB I used to be and what I'd want:
Pick me up, tell me every detail of what ya did,Let me sap any strength ya gained while I was away so I can keep you hostage.
And here's what worked for a woman who was a hostage of mine for a while.
Put her big girl panties on, picked me up( not from rehab. From work) and when I started Layin down my ransom she used her backbone and said,"don't **** with me! Now get the **** out of my car!"
Left me standing on the side of the road 20 miles from home and never answered another call from me.
Very smart move on her part.

Free, youve gotta backbone. I've read it in some of Yer posts.
And ya dont deserve to be treated with anything but respect.

knowthetriggers

Serenity now......deep breaths....just like dandylion said...

Peace my friend.

freetosmile

I know I can do this, I know I can do this.

Our conversation tonight was not the greatest. He asked me how much beer I drank while he was gone. I quite frankly didn't mind saying the exact truth. I drank a six pack over about three days before christmas. I asked him why he asked, and he mumbled something that I didn't ask him to repeat. I informed him that if he was concerned about me drinking around him, to not be. That I had no intentions of drinking around him. Then he accused me of giving him the cold shoulder. I did not engage.
I think it threw him off guard a bit.

So funny though, I told him I got my lab results back and that my cycles have been so bad that I'm anemic. I told him I am very tired and I am in a great deal of pain.

Guess what my sweet, loving husband said. NOTHING. He changed the subject.

Oh I can sooooo do this.

How would a "healthy" husband respond to something like that? My vision is :

"Wow, you must feel awful. I'm so sorry that you have to make this really long trip tomorrow, but when we get home- I don't want you to worry about a thing. You can rest all you want. And don't forget that I love you with all of my heart."

HA HA HA --I wouldn't even know what to DO if I heard that!!!

I can do this. I can do this.

Thanks guys!

changeneeded

You will be fine, everyone is saying that and it's true.
BUT

I often to "what ifs" and try to remember that a therapist told me, the problem with what ifs, and the reason panic attacks occur from them is because we don't answer the question.

EX:
1. I might totally cave and lose all the ground I've gained since he has been gone.

If I totally cave and loose all ground, I'll start over again. BUT I probably wont cave because the people here, will be thinking about and sending good thougths and prayers, and will be here if I do.


Finish those "What ifs" and you will find that you are capeable and you can do this

NWGRITS

Look up and print out self-coping statements in case of an anxiety attack. Those singlehandedly helped me regain power over my own brain when I was having constant anxiety attacks about 11 years ago. I'm serious. Everything triggered them - food and riding in cars being the two biggies. Self-coping statements help you talk to your brain in a way that retrains the response to stimuli. I still carry a sheet of them in my glove box but haven't used them in... 7, 8 years now. You've got this.

amy55

Good luck to you today. Just know that I am thinking of you. You have family here and we do love you and care about you. You have people to talk to and to lean on.

(((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))
amy

CodeJob

Drive safe Free.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LvvCpxddcwc

Even if you go backwards, it won't last. Craft your future in your mind then follow the yellow brick road to attain it. He need not know your absolute goals.

Hawkeye13

Thinking of you free.
You CAN do this.

freetosmile

I love Tori Amos!! Oh I soooo needed this song this morning. Just getting ready to hop in the shower and hit the dusty trail.

PERFECT way to start a morning like this.


Thanks Hawkeye, CodeJob, and Amy! You guys rock!

dandylion

freetosmile....if he should start the cross-examination of your every move, in the car, have a good retort to disengage from it--like: "Don't take my inventory; I won't take yours".
or "I will forgive you for asking that question; forgive me for not answering".
or--"Things have changed;there is a new sheriff in town".
or--"If I wanted your feedback, I would have asked for it".

You get the idea.....

Don't let him pull Alpha Dog on you.....(cause he ain't)

dandylion

freetosmile

I like that dandy! " don't take my inventory and i won't take yours" i said it out loud for practice. Got a weird look from my 9 year old who is riding with me!

Katchie

So proud of you..you have my prayers!

dandylion

freetosmile....yes, that would be a good one to use....because, I gaurante that have been talking a lot about NOT taking others' inventory in rehab!
He will "know" what y ou are talking about.....

dandylion

Carlotta

Thinking of you. I hope all goes ok and that you remember to breathe and not panic