JadedGirl

Last night was pretty freaky. Haven't been sleeping well, like getting to sleep 2-2.30 am. Often if I'd made it a second night without alcohol I'd have really horrible dreams and multiple false awakenings which totally freak me out. I've been really lucky this time that apart from not being able to sleep things have been pretty settled until last night.

Started to fall asleep a bit earlier, around 1.30 and then had one of those jerk awake moments and started hallucinating. I know they were probably hypnogogic hallucinations (apparently these are similar to false awakenings but omg was so scared). The actual content wasn't scary but really freaked me the hell out! Hoping to god don't get them again tonight! Slept with the light on all night and didn't get to sleep until gone 2.30 again.

This morning was amazing tho. Telling my counsellor I made day 6 and have given up. She got quite emotional lol. Was an amazing feeling sitting in there and being able to say that.

Now it's Friday night though and **** it's hard! I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this tonight. Cravings have kicked in really hard again today. Friday night was usually my favourite night, start of the weekend and would get completely wrecked! Would give anything right now to have that taste and feeling but still determined. Still giving my mum my bank cards to take the temptation outta my hands.
Part of me so wishes it was this time last weekend though! Can't believe I'm never gonna have that feeling again. Feel like crying which is pathetic lol.

Jupiters

congrats on day 6
sorry about the night terrors - I have them now and then as well although they are getting better.

it wouldn't be the "last" weekend though would it? it's ALWAYS the last time.
and instead of missing THAT feeling...why don't you think of it like, you will never have to wake up Sat/Sun morning feeling like a big ole bag of sh1t. You never have to wake up broke, ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, remorseful and wishing for a swift death b/c the hangover is unbearable?

SoberLeigh

It is going to get easier, JadedGirl, I promise. Early sobriety is the most difficult time.

Embrace each sober; the days will mount; sobriety will gradually become more second nature.

Change things up a bit tonight; treat yourself to a JadedGirl Night; have a warm, soothing bath with bubbles and essences; give yourself a mani or pedi; treat your hair to a deep conditioning treatment; watch your favorite movie; listen to your favorite music. JadedGirl deserves to be treated like a princess.

JadedGirl

Yea you have a point there...I know tomorrow I'm going to be so pleased with myself and have so much planned for this weekend (as opposed to most weekends spending the whole 2 days either drunk or recovering).
Just HATE these cravings when they come on really strong and feel like I'm grieving for a bloody bottle
Ride thro it tho and think of tomorrow x

JadedGirl

Aw ur so sweet Thanku Hunni (hugs)...I think I will do that actually :-)
Nice relaxing bath (ban my daughter lol) and pyjamas. Have a pamper :-)
Xx

Jupiters

tomorrow you'll wake up feeling mint, I promise.
AND proud.
just hang onto that right now. and each weekend will get easier. Honestly, I am so happy that when Friday rolls around now, my first thought isn't "OH YAH, WINE TIME BABY"....nope. It's "YAY I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT NOW FOR 2 DAYS"
you got this.

sleepie

Just think of being able to tell your counselor almost TWO weeks next you see them! And you know you'll feel so happy when you get a week and more.

JadedGirl

Aw Thanku jupiters...I won't need to go to the gym tomorrow at this rate...I've absent mindedly got up to walk to the fridge about 10 times already tonight
I HAVE got this!!!!! Weekend here I come :-) xx

Thepatman

I understand and had those whose wild nights full of horror, sleep paralyses, lucid dreams.

I'm not going back to that, ever again.

Stay strong!

JadedGirl

Omg they're horrible aren't they!!!! X

JadedGirl

Oh and just cz I'm gna scream in a minute ...I'm staying off facebook for tonight because if one more (insert swear word of choice) person puts a pic of their glass of wine on with 'woop it's Friday' I swear I'm gna lose it! Stop taking pictures of it and just bloody drink it FFs!!!!

Jupiters

I had to distance myself from FB for a bit. Doesn't faze me now but yah. And I hadn't realized how many references to boozing it up there really are. LOL.

JadedGirl

Omg I know I'm staying off there tonight. Literally pacing my living room swearing to myself aaarrrghh!!!!! Gna have a bath now to try and relax!!! X

BelleDeMer

Part of what helps by being on the SR forums I have found over the last few days, is that it helps keep me away from FB, which I have found , is not an alchoholics best friend

JadedGirl

Yea I haven't been on much lately I'm kinda hooked on being here, even if it's just reading. Helps to keep focused. Kinda like before I had my daughter. Had ivf for her and beforehand everywhere I looked were babies, nappies, pregnant women...now everywhere I look there's alcohol. Facebook is full of it tonight so staying well off there!! And in the morning I'll laugh because they're all hungover and I'll be chirpy and fresh lol x

Thepatman

There absolutely nothing cool, romantic, glamorous, or to envy in people on Facebook taking pictures of their drinks, or dinner.

JadedGirl

No there's not but I'm envious because I'm craving like crazy and would do anything to be the one with a glass of wine in my hand right now!! Except I won't do it because I'm determined!! x

JadedGirl

God I need to vent!!! Such a **** mood tonight. Hate being sober tonight!!! Hate the voice in my head that keeps saying 'just one' and 'quality over quantity' only quality of life isn't really good with drink!! My head just keeps saying it is cz I want it now!!! Feel so frustrated! Heads banging! Gonna go for yet another smoke and get some air!!

SoberLeigh

Hugs to you, JadedGirl.

That AV can be a monster, truly.

Have you looked into RR and AVRT?

I will send you the lnk.

SoberLeigh

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html