pinkpeony

Once my AH reaches the level of being drunk where he turns mean, I always hear this over and over. It drives me crazy.

I don't think I ever act that way. In fact if anything I have an inferiority complex!

Jodie77

I would hear how "selfish" and what a "fame *****" I was one minute and then he'd say what a good person I am. Quack.

FlippedRHalo

I got this too when he was 'angry drunk'. Usually angry at himself and his life, not me.

When he was being an 'emotional drunk', which was his normal MO when drinking, he'd tell me what an amazing, compassionate, forgiving, caring, intelligent person I was and that he wished he could be like me. It was almost sad in a way.

If he stopped drinking and got a grip on life, I believe he could be all of those things too. Shame what this substance does to people.

Honestly, when they do it in an angry way, I think it's part jealousy because they can't get their lives together or their drinking under control. It would hurt me to hear him say that, but he was always saying them more, in a way, against himself than against me.

It's like they're trapped in their own prison. The key is right there in their hand, but they refuse to use it and unlock the cell door.

The dynamics of alcoholism and addition are so mind blowing.

dandylion

pink....most alcoholics are riddled with guilt and shame (they seldom admit it). One way of making o ne's self to feel better is to do "leveling". Bringing the other person down to make yourself to feel better. It keeps the focus off of them and their own shortcomings.

It is common, common, common, among alcoholics!!

dandylion

Kboys

AHHHH!! They're all the same. I used to get this one all the time too. Gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

Sorry you are having to deal with this.

HUGS

Bullfrog

Oh, mine said all that stuff even when he was sober. Actually he was worse when he was sober.

Katchie

Sorry. I know that stuff hurts. He's obviously feeling lots of guilt -- and SHOULD in my opinion.

My AH and I were watching a football game once and of course he had been drinking and the football team we were rooting for was losing. I made the comment that it seems like every time I watch them they lose. He actually looked at me angrily and blamed me for watching and making them lose and why did I have to do that! That sucker. I was dumbfounded.

pinkpeony

Thanks everyone.
I don't know why it bothers me so much that he says that....maybe that he says it so much and with so much emotion and that it isn't the way I see myself at all....
Sigh....

Hangnbyathread

Ditto to my life with an AC partner.

dandylion

pinkpeony....you "don't know why it bothers m e so much".....Honey, I know why it bother you so much.
Because it is abusive. It is mean and it is cruel. He is willing to kick you to make himself feel better.
I am glad that you don't like it. ***If you DID, then you would really be in a bad way...LOL!! At least you have enough self esteem to value yourself--to not LIKE it when someone "kicks" you.

I'll bet that you don't go around hurting other people so that you can feel good.
If not....then why should you be treated this way.

You don't have to take it and you do have options. It is said that we teach others how to treat us. I believe that this is true.

I am so glad that you don't see yourself like he "sees" you.

dandylion

hopeful4

What an a$$. It's just emotional abuse.

NerdlyBeauty

Agreeing with everything everyone else says. Mine used to tell me what an awful mother I am, how my family screwed me up, etc etc etc. IMHO, they are just projecting their own feelings about themselves onto the one closest to them. Next time he says that, I'd quote from that old Bette Davis/Joan Crawford movie Whatever Happened to Baby Jane -- "But ya aaaah Blanche, but ya ahhhhh"

dandylion

NerdlyBeauty....I just LOVE that----"first, make sure that you are not just surrounded by A-holes!!"

dandylion

freetosmile

Yes, I'll pipe in here and say that I get a LOT of that too. I've gotten to the point now where I just walk away and go hang out with the kids when he starts acting like that. He never gets out of line with the kids, it's always just behind closed doors that he comes at me with that crap.
It's like it goes hand in hand with the addiction. How ridiculous!

AnvilheadII

never take the self-absorbed ramblings of a drunk to heart, my dear. that's his drunk MANTRA....you are his personal victim, his whipping boy, his TARGET. best to just move youself to another room........or another house.....another state..........

NerdlyBeauty

Thanks, Dandylion! It's the truth, ain't it? I've kicked my abusive, AXBF into the cold, cold world, and I've limited contact with my abusive parents...and I have NEVER FELT BETTER!!!!!!

NWGRITS

My AM used to call me a wh*re, b*tch, all kinds of fun things to make herself feel better. Told me I was an ungrateful brat because I wanted out of her home at any cost (including taking a bus to Boston in the middle of the night). It took the better part of 20 years to stop believing all those things she said, though. Words can cut to the core, even when they're the misguided anger of an alcoholic. It's not you, it's all him.

GracieLou

Because I am a recovering alcoholic as well, I would get comments attacking my recovery program.

I wonder if it was because I am sober and actually working one!

lillamy

I actually did think I was better than my ex. So when he said that, he was right.
I thought he was a moral failure for being an alcoholic.
I don't anymore, now that I know what alcoholism is. I feel sorry for him.

pinkpeony

I'm trying to get away but it will be a few months. At this time I don't even have a vehicle and live in the country and it's cold outside, so not really any place for me to go and escape it right now. I've learned to just take it and not say a word, is best for now.