Kyliedawn

My boyfriend a recovering opiate addict has been in rehab for 2 weeks now. He called me every morning and every night. Well Saturday we talked and everything was fine and he told me he loved me and he would call me in the morning. Well I never heard from him and I still haven't. It's been 4 days and it's very unlike him to not call. I'm scared and worried. My biggest fear since he left has been that he wouldn't want me when he got sober. Which he has reassured me that that's not going to happen and I believe him. Because when we first got together he was sober. But idk I guess me not hearing from him is just freaking me out. And I'm probably overreacting. But I can't think of why he wouldn't call. Any advice?

hopeful4

Hello and welcome to SR. I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

I am going to be honest with you. You will read a lot about the addict being clean for a bit than taking off for a while. Almost always it is because they have relapsed and don't want to face up to the consequences that come along with that, and the shame.

What sort of support system do you have for yourself? My advise would be to continue on with your own life during this time and look at his actions over the course of a long time before you decide this is the person you want to be with.

Take good care of you!

Ann

I hope it is just that perhaps phone privileges have been taken away for some reason, but sadly, it may mean that he didn't stick it out...the first couple of weeks it is common for the addict to look for any reason to leave or to break the rules and get thrown out...all so they can continue to use.

Whatever is going on with him, I hope YOU are taking very good care of yourself and finding your own way of healing and staying healthy...regardless of what his status is.

Hugs

zoso77

Kylie...

Welcome to the Board.

Yes.

I understand that you're unsettled, and that's got to feel awful. But assuming that he's still in there, you should understand that he's got some big decisions on his plate in terms of how he's going to manage the rest of his life. The real challenge for him will be after discharge and when he's left to his own devices. So allow him the time to work on himself. And take the opportunity to do the same.

Now, if he's left, we have a different story. For now, until you learn otherwise, give him his space.

Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.

Kyliedawn

Well the thing is is he got sent to rehab in Florida and we live in Oklahoma. And if he left the program they will not pay his way back to oklahoma and he has no means of getting any money to pay his way back unless I do it for him. So I know he has not left. And yes I'm trying to do the best I can for my son and I. It's hard. I already have depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, and other mental health issues. I'm on medication but still, it doesn't always ease my mind. Some days are better than others.

Kyliedawn

The only person that knew he went was me. He didn't even want to tell his family. And now the only people that know are his mom (mainly cause I can't avoid her for a month like he was wanting me to so I had to tell her) my mom and my sister, and a couple of my close close friends who I can trust.

zoso77

Kylie...

Listen to me. Very carefully. I'm about to tell you something you don't likely want to hear.

Ditch him.

Two reasons. The first is because you have a son. The second is because you have mental health concerns. By allowing an opiate addict in your orbit, you are undercutting yourself and your son on a daily basis. I'm of the opinion, as someone who is also intimately familiar with deep depression, that your health comes first. For without it, you cannot take care of your son.

The only thing medication will do is alleviate the physical manifestations of your anxiety and your depression. And this is a good thing, for it will enable you to cope a lot easier. But if you allow your boyfriend in your orbit, you may find yourself in an increasingly dark and dangerous place. And while I don't know you from a hole in the wall, I do not want to see that happen to you under any circumstances.

None of us here can make you do something. All we can do is share with you our experiences. But I strongly urge you to consider what I've said.

Needabreak

Addicts are VERY resourceful. He could easily have figured out a way to score drugs and left the facility. It's warm in Florida and he could be sleeping outside. Addiction is a crazy thing and you need to be prepared for anything to happen. I know, I've been through that wringer.

I write this not to scare you but, as Zoso wrote, to encourage you to start taking care of yourself and your child above all. Whatever happens, you need to stop orbiting him and start being your own sun.

Twofish

Dear Kylie,
I'm so sorry that the after effects of being involved with someone with the
disease of addiction, is worrying. Please try to stop worrying about your
boyfriend and put all this energy onto taking care of YOU.
He might not be calling for a number of reasons and all this "what iffing"
WILL drive you crazy.
Make yourself and your child your priority.
Welcome to our world. Hey, and take a read on those stickies, above,
very good info to help you understand this disease.
Hugs to you from all these mommas praying for you.
TF
PS read carefully to what Zoso was explaining to you, he's been there...

Kyliedawn

I think I did pretty well yesterday. I cleaned house, cooked, and enjoyed time with my son. I didn't really think about my boyfriend yesterday until it came time to go to sleep. I'm definitely trying. I cannot just give up on him though or ditch him. Not after all we've been through and I don't know all the facts yet. There may be a good reason he's not calling. I just want to give it some time.

zoso77

OK. So long as you're aware that allowing him in your life could have a detrimental effect on your health, that's your call.

Keep us posted.

Kyliedawn

I am aware. This was the last straw, it was either get help or I'm gone. So I'm willing to take the chance that he will get better. I just want to wait till I hear from him and get all the facts. Thank you so much. I will continue to be on here and reading the stickies and helping myself.

Lily1918

Maybe he is taking the time to work on himself. My husband went to rehab teice and both times our contact was very limited both times (we were dating then)

The most difficult part of this for us is that we often get put on the back burner while they work on themselves. Time will reveal more.
(((hugs)))

Kyliedawn

Well he just called about 30 minutes ago finally but the only thing that sucked is as soon as he called I had to say his name like 5 times because he was talking to someone and it turns out it was the nurses telling him he couldn't talk right then so he said he would call me later. But in his voice I could hear he is upset and sad. So now I'm even like more worried. I made sure to let him know I love him.

Lily1918

aww Im soor you experience that.

My AH is in prison and I know all about getting phone calls cut off and going no contact.

I wouldn't worry too much about him sounding sad. Early recovery is a very emotional time for anyone.

How do you feel? I know you say you are worried. Are you lonely? sad? hurt? confused? I know I feel that way sometimes.

I ask myself all the time:
Do I love myself as much as I love him? We always hear that actions speak louder than words. What have I done lately to show myself that I love me? Have I painted my toenails? What about treating myself to a brand new book or movie? If I had a man at home I would love if he bought me flowers just because... why dont I go and get myself some flowers? Why don't I go to a meeting? Meetings can really help to fight lonliness.

Hugs to you. We are here for you.

Kyliedawn

Thank you. Yes I am all those things. Always asking myself questions.

Kyliedawn

I'm definitely still going to continue reading everything and coming here. But thankfully he did call earlier and he did lose phone privileges due to one of his housemates. And he's also been very sick. We talked for a good 10 minutes or so. And he told me how he was doing and that he found the Lord again and everything is going to be fine. And for me not to worry cause we are going to be alright. He's just missing me really bad and he's ready to come home.

allforcnm

Im glad he called and everything is ok. All rehabs are different, some have very strict rules so I wouldn't worry too much about the exact cause. My husband was in rehab a couple years ago; its hard for us and for them too.. Your BF sounds positive so that's a good sign. My husband had up and downs moods so if it happens, try not to let it throw you. I hope you sleep well tonight.

Kyliedawn

Thank you. And yes I've been sleeping much better and I knew I was probably overreacting. It's getting so close to him coming home, I'm very excited.