Don't want to be awake anymore.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Don't want to be awake anymore.
This week, I've dragged myself out of bed at 6:30 a.m., gone to work, counted down the minutes until my day is over, gone home and gone to sleep.
I don't like being awake right now. I feel crazy when I am awake. All of these thoughts are racing in my head. Old memories, thoughts, feelings that I don't want to feel. Fears, resentments, self-hatred. Negative self talk. And I can't turn it off.
It's not even coherent thoughts really. One thought is interrupted by another thought before it has a chance to finish. It's like 5 different radio stations on at the same time, hard to hear any one of them clearly, but the noise is irritating as h***.
The only time I am okay is when I am sleeping. The noise stops. My body rests. I snuggle with my puppy and I enjoy the peace and the quiet.
I guess I'm depressed or something.
I'm sure isolating and just going to sleep is not what I should be doing. But it's really hard right now when it's the only thing that seems to help the crazy.
Anyways. That's where I'm at this week.
Day 8 sober at least.
I don't like being awake right now. I feel crazy when I am awake. All of these thoughts are racing in my head. Old memories, thoughts, feelings that I don't want to feel. Fears, resentments, self-hatred. Negative self talk. And I can't turn it off.
It's not even coherent thoughts really. One thought is interrupted by another thought before it has a chance to finish. It's like 5 different radio stations on at the same time, hard to hear any one of them clearly, but the noise is irritating as h***.
The only time I am okay is when I am sleeping. The noise stops. My body rests. I snuggle with my puppy and I enjoy the peace and the quiet.
I guess I'm depressed or something.
I'm sure isolating and just going to sleep is not what I should be doing. But it's really hard right now when it's the only thing that seems to help the crazy.
Anyways. That's where I'm at this week.
Day 8 sober at least.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
Congratulations on 8 days!
The thoughts will quiet down eventually. I have found exercise works really well. My thoughts were such an over powering jumble the first month I hardly know what I was doing. I am only 2 1/2 months sober but it has calmed a lot upstairs. I still get hit multiple times a day that feeling but it isn't all day anymore. I have found exercise has really helped me clear my head. It gives me a very clear goal to focus on and one I can achieve right then. I know for me it was hard to find the motivation but once I did having something I could aim for and reach right then and there gave me confidence. It also helps with setting up achievable goals with see able results in a short amount of time.
I would also look into PAWS if I were you. Reading about it helped me realize what I was going through was not only normal but to be expected after years of alcohol abuse.
Also a great book on early recovery is "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down". Its all about early recovery and is written in short easy to read chapters so you can stay focused while your mind is all over the place.
Great job so far stick here this place is amazing and remember the only way out of this is through it.
The thoughts will quiet down eventually. I have found exercise works really well. My thoughts were such an over powering jumble the first month I hardly know what I was doing. I am only 2 1/2 months sober but it has calmed a lot upstairs. I still get hit multiple times a day that feeling but it isn't all day anymore. I have found exercise has really helped me clear my head. It gives me a very clear goal to focus on and one I can achieve right then. I know for me it was hard to find the motivation but once I did having something I could aim for and reach right then and there gave me confidence. It also helps with setting up achievable goals with see able results in a short amount of time.
I would also look into PAWS if I were you. Reading about it helped me realize what I was going through was not only normal but to be expected after years of alcohol abuse.
Also a great book on early recovery is "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down". Its all about early recovery and is written in short easy to read chapters so you can stay focused while your mind is all over the place.
Great job so far stick here this place is amazing and remember the only way out of this is through it.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I was at that sort of place for a while too. Sleeping and isolating. Contrary to what many people believe about this being a dangerous place, I found it was a healing phase for me. The best way out can be going straight through the dark places. Just know when you've had enough and be ready to come into the sunlight on the other side 
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Well done on day 8 Mrrryah
Sometimes we need a good rest to recharge our batteries
if you think its depression its better to see a dr and nip it in the bud
your going through a lot Mrrryah have a sleep see how you feel
Sometimes we need a good rest to recharge our batteries
if you think its depression its better to see a dr and nip it in the bud
your going through a lot Mrrryah have a sleep see how you feel
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations with your 8 days.
Many of us thought that putting the drink down would end our misery/pain. Well many perhaps did damage to our mental and emotional wellbeing and it takes time to clear up and heal.
This is a good time to make a plan to work on for long lasting sanity without alcohol/drugs.
My recovery included first to be honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact that I can’t drink alcohol one day at a time in a row in safety.
I and most needed meetings with people who understood and encouraged us how it works.
BE WELL
Many of us thought that putting the drink down would end our misery/pain. Well many perhaps did damage to our mental and emotional wellbeing and it takes time to clear up and heal.
This is a good time to make a plan to work on for long lasting sanity without alcohol/drugs.
My recovery included first to be honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact that I can’t drink alcohol one day at a time in a row in safety.
I and most needed meetings with people who understood and encouraged us how it works.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 269
8 days is a great start! What you are experiencing is very typical, I went through it as well and i found it very hard. Sometimes all I could do was sit near a friend and watch TV, drink tea and try to relax myself as much as possible.
But, you should know, there are 2 choices you have in the recovery process:
- stick with it, and get through it, and eventually it will pass. Read the 12 promises of AA, they are true
- go back to drinking and face the same pain and devastation just much longer and potentially more difficult.
Other things that helped me greatly - drinking warm tea, going to an AA meeting, try to relax.
But, you should know, there are 2 choices you have in the recovery process:
- stick with it, and get through it, and eventually it will pass. Read the 12 promises of AA, they are true
- go back to drinking and face the same pain and devastation just much longer and potentially more difficult.
Other things that helped me greatly - drinking warm tea, going to an AA meeting, try to relax.
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
Mrryah,
Just sending you some cyber hugs & support. I can hear the desperation in your post, the fear really came through. Fear has a funny way of making us do things that we may end up regretting later. If going home & going to sleep is helping quiet your thoughts, take that for now. As cliche as it sounds: This too shall pass.
Just sending you some cyber hugs & support. I can hear the desperation in your post, the fear really came through. Fear has a funny way of making us do things that we may end up regretting later. If going home & going to sleep is helping quiet your thoughts, take that for now. As cliche as it sounds: This too shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 576
Right about now, sleep is your best friend... From what I hear this can last for 3 months or more...My God, I could fall asleep at my desk right here and right now , but i'd have 10 folks standing around me wondering what I was doing all the while trying to dislodge a headset mouthpiece from my nostril.. 
Hang in there ..
Hang in there ..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,229
In early recovery, after I returned home
from my 28 day rehab stay, I had to
resume my daily life as a mom and wife
besides staying sober.
28 days sober wasn't enough recovery
for me to replace or wipe away the past.
I had to begin using the tools and
knowledge taught to me in rehab with
steps and principles to rely on to begin
building a strong recovery foundation
to live my life upon.
Each step teaches me something new.
Teaches me how to clean away the
wreakage of the past, make amends,
and become responsible in recovery
and my life.
While attending my AA meetings to
learn how to work the steps, Id
return home to everyday life. Everyday
noises, children, etc. When I took care
of my duties and was left alone, I would
plug in some soothing music using my
headphones or listen to some speaker
tapes or anything inspiring, motivational
to block out those unwanted thoughts
or distractions.
I eventually began to go for walks or
jog in the park where I could hear
and see the birds, flowers, nature.
That gave me so much pleasure and respect
for the beautiful gifts provided to us
from Above.
Over time my spiritual part of my
life and program became stronger
and accepting. I realized that as
long as I have Faith in Something
much stronger than I, watching me,
guiding me, protecting me in all my
affairs then I had that calmness in
the mist of lifes storms.
Taping into that Special Resource,
that Calming Power then I can
remain sober, healthy and happy
for many one days at a time moving
forward in life.
You can too.
from my 28 day rehab stay, I had to
resume my daily life as a mom and wife
besides staying sober.
28 days sober wasn't enough recovery
for me to replace or wipe away the past.
I had to begin using the tools and
knowledge taught to me in rehab with
steps and principles to rely on to begin
building a strong recovery foundation
to live my life upon.
Each step teaches me something new.
Teaches me how to clean away the
wreakage of the past, make amends,
and become responsible in recovery
and my life.
While attending my AA meetings to
learn how to work the steps, Id
return home to everyday life. Everyday
noises, children, etc. When I took care
of my duties and was left alone, I would
plug in some soothing music using my
headphones or listen to some speaker
tapes or anything inspiring, motivational
to block out those unwanted thoughts
or distractions.
I eventually began to go for walks or
jog in the park where I could hear
and see the birds, flowers, nature.
That gave me so much pleasure and respect
for the beautiful gifts provided to us
from Above.
Over time my spiritual part of my
life and program became stronger
and accepting. I realized that as
long as I have Faith in Something
much stronger than I, watching me,
guiding me, protecting me in all my
affairs then I had that calmness in
the mist of lifes storms.
Taping into that Special Resource,
that Calming Power then I can
remain sober, healthy and happy
for many one days at a time moving
forward in life.
You can too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 300
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 
This week, I've dragged myself out of bed at 6:30 a.m., gone to work, counted down the minutes until my day is over, gone home and gone to sleep.
I don't like being awake right now. I feel crazy when I am awake. All of these thoughts are racing in my head. Old memories, thoughts, feelings that I don't want to feel. Fears, resentments, self-hatred. Negative self talk. And I can't turn it off.
It's not even coherent thoughts really. One thought is interrupted by another thought before it has a chance to finish. It's like 5 different radio stations on at the same time, hard to hear any one of them clearly, but the noise is irritating as h***.
The only time I am okay is when I am sleeping. The noise stops. My body rests. I snuggle with my puppy and I enjoy the peace and the quiet.
I guess I'm depressed or something.
I'm sure isolating and just going to sleep is not what I should be doing. But it's really hard right now when it's the only thing that seems to help the crazy.
Anyways. That's where I'm at this week.
Day 8 sober at least.
I don't like being awake right now. I feel crazy when I am awake. All of these thoughts are racing in my head. Old memories, thoughts, feelings that I don't want to feel. Fears, resentments, self-hatred. Negative self talk. And I can't turn it off.
It's not even coherent thoughts really. One thought is interrupted by another thought before it has a chance to finish. It's like 5 different radio stations on at the same time, hard to hear any one of them clearly, but the noise is irritating as h***.
The only time I am okay is when I am sleeping. The noise stops. My body rests. I snuggle with my puppy and I enjoy the peace and the quiet.
I guess I'm depressed or something.
I'm sure isolating and just going to sleep is not what I should be doing. But it's really hard right now when it's the only thing that seems to help the crazy.
Anyways. That's where I'm at this week.
Day 8 sober at least.
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