aboutdone

Today after the blow of RXAH having a hookup profile for 6 years sunk in, I decided to end it.once and for all. I handled it a lot different though they anytime before.

I text him to come over to talk, which he did.
I laid it on the line. Do you want me/us or not.
His response was idk.
(response i wanted)
I said, well idk means no. Knowing that I need YOU to tell me once again do you want me or not? Again the answer was Idk.

I said ok. Now, I am going to need YOU to follow through on a few things.
1. I want YOU to get up, and leave my house
2. You may only contact me by email.
3. I will be in touch thru email regarding visitation with daughter.
4. You may leave the money you say you are going to give toward bills in the mailbox.

He stood up. Stalled. Then left.
He text me an hr later about taking daughter to library.
Text me an hr after that about what time alanon was.

Heres the thing. I needed him to own it. I didn't make these bad choices, he did. I didn't give up on us, or me or him. He did.
Yet he always pushed my buttons causing me to kick him out. So he could blame me. I am not wearing the blame anymore. Not ever. Although today may not have accomplished anything at all in him taking ownership it was absolutely POWERFUL for me to release the blame, and take control of me.

When he shut the door behind him, I swear the whole house let out a sigh of release. My kids had been quietly entertaining themselves while we had this conversation in the bedroom. When that door shut they all piped up and ran to me with open arms and smiles and happy laughter.

I really can't describe it any better than tgat, but it was magical moment. Like finally the storm had passed.

freetosmile

Good Job!!! Whooo Hooooo! I'm so proud of you!!!! That is just great news!

I noticed that you told him he was only allowed to contact you by email...and then later you said he text you. Did you respond to the texts, or by email did you mean text?

Katchie

Ahhh...So GOOD for you! I'm so happy for you! I know what a wonderful release it is to say your truth, for that truth to part your lips for your own ears to hear.

WAY TO GO!

aboutdone

He TEXT me, cuz the rules never apply to him, ya kwim?
But I did not answer.
Everything is so predictable with him. The fighting, the kicking him out, him pushing my buttons. Me responding. But not this time.

Call it control if you must, but for me it really isn't. Not at this point. I said email. Thats wgat I mean. I want an easily documented record of all conversation. Im not kissing his ass anymore and Idgaf if he kisses mine, but due to a few loose ends beyond my control, I have to provide him a means to reach me. I have done that. And honestly when he texr, I just laughed to myself and thought wtfe. You know?

And hey you can pm me if you want as well. How long ago did you deal with this?

Eauchiche

Heres the thing. I needed him to own it. I didn't make these bad choices, he did. I didn't give up on us, or me or him. He did.
Yet he always pushed my buttons causing me to kick him out. So he could blame me. "

Sounds like this from another website:


"They will pick a fight with you because they want to leave and they will have you believing it’s your fault. They show little or no accountability. They may have had integrity before their addiction kicked in but it will be conspicuously absent from their lives as they spiral." Jim LeJeune

Horrible disease!!!

aboutdone

Yes it is!! However I refuse to engage in the BS anymore. I am also the type to confront and defend. I never thought I was guilty or should carry the blame for his crap. So I would call him out on it. Try to defend me. Ultimately he was kicked out over it everytime. I am just to the point that life is cause and effect. I don't care who you are or what is wrong with you, that is the way it is. Happens everyday, everywhere to everyone. So. For me, today I just wanted that closure on my end that firmly let him know, dude. Im done.