myankee

hi all- what a life - aa saved me and gave me hope for a life. guess what,,i went out and got it . HOWEVER , IVE LIVED WITH CLINICALY DEPRESSION , since birth. unless you ve been diagnosed with it, you have no idea of the feeling. for 30 yrs i took only tylenol… 10 yrs ago,began a series of 6 surgeries followed by lung surgery , n esofogealical 10 hr cancer surgery. i began zany/klonopin, which helped greatly for a few yrs .. after i hit tolerance and addiction,, i got on oxy s for chronic pain…. somehow i hit bottom n detoxed both. was clean for a yr and tried marijuana for my depression awful pain. well i like pot n don't like it ,,n do it every few months so,its not a problem,,but i got hooked on oxy s ,,40 mgs a day ..last time i was at 150 mgs a day.. i want to get off but I'm afraid ,damn afraid . i suffer greatly with autoimmune disease ,n bone disease… my sobriety has brought me much success in the financial business world,, but now,, 80% retired n hating it,, I'm always trying to be ahead of my depression first and my chronic pain 2 nd.. don't for a moment think I'm proud of this,,but its my start n my life . if depression did nt kick in daily , i might be able to deal with chronic pain ( plus shortage of breath ). yet,I'm still sober for today n i firmly believe ill die a sober man,,but happiness alludes me.. how sad is that ?

awuh1

What have you tried to target the depression?

Dee74

Hi myankee

I think a lot of us have a number of things we need to deal with - I had depression and chronic pain to deal as well...my answer was alcohol, and it failed badly.

The best thing we can do is get professional help. Why not go see someone about your depression, and also speak to someone about non addictive pain relief treatments or strategies.

They may even be able to help you get through the withdrawal?

Of course, you'll also find a lot of support here too

D

DuhDave

myankee, there are some very effective anti-depression medications on the market these days. I encourage you to see your doctor and share with him your concerns.

It doesnt work over night but medication therapy works!

Hope you get to feeling better.
DD

myankee

what to u consider very good meds out there , i certainly think I've taken every one,,however,if I'm missing one,,speak up..thanks tom coogan

Dee74

We can share our experience Tom, but we can't give you medical advice like what 'good meds' are.

That's against our rules, and it's for your safety as much as for anyone else reading.

Dee
Moderator
SR

myankee

some clown told me to go to na n to re calculate my sobriety date. well if i was drinking,,in gods name,id hunt him down n kill him.. however,I'm not drinking n have gained enormous wisdom, and have achieve 9.5 of 10 promises the program told me i could have. my # 1 accomplishment in life dee is my sobriety..my 2 nd - is resigning from a go nowhere job after 7 yrs and go into the buisnessworld and IS it possible to say,, for 20 yrs i became a superstar , n made more money i ever dreamed of.. my success never got to my head,rather i felt humbled and felt great as this was achieved in sobriety. dee- if u did nt see my post- i had 6 surgeries and two major cancer surgeries ,n i got on oxys which i kicked n now having to be carried off the golf course this fri ( I'm 5 ft 10,,200 lbs) with chronic pain n severe breathing problems, i took 2 oxycodones ,by by pain doctor who knows in aa….dee- I've tried 16 anti depressants over the yrs. none work,,none.. so i asked the guy who post after he said theres great meds out there ,, so i asked,like what. but know i know i can't ask,,,,did i say- i smoked pot due to my major major depression… unless one lives with it,,don't throw stones . this is what I'm afraid of,,AA FOLKS TELLING ME I SLIPPED … IF I SLIPPED - I WOULD NT BE POSTING -SO GIVE IT UP N EDUCATE YOUR SELF N READ THE TRADITIONS .. OTHER WISE,ILL JUST STOP ON THE BOARD AND STOP AA ALL TOGETHER AND FOR THOSE WHO THINK EVERY ONE GOES DRINKING IF THEY STOP MEETINGS,ITS JUST NOT TRUE.I DONT PROMOTE NOT GOING,RATHER I LIVE N LET LIVE.. I KNOW 50 happily married couples who no longer go.i don't judge. for me,, i need to go,,but if i hear many judges juruys n executioners ,I'm out of here n out of aa

Dee74

Hi Tom

I'm sorry if I somehow upset you.

We have a rule here against asking for or giving medical advice - and that applies to everyone, including me, and all our other members, including you.

The full rule can be found here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2509271

I can share what worked for me, and I did in another thread, but I (or anyone else here) can't recommend meds for you.

That would be irresponsible of me, and unsafe for you.

Thats something you need to check out with a qualified physician, and it's in your best interests to do that.

I'm not in NA or AA so whatever happened to you there I'm sorry, but I have no experience to share.

D

Lancashire

I think you would be a good candidate for Hypnotherapy. Not aggressive Psychotropic Drugs with harmful side effects. I have lived with Severe Clinical Depression and Anxiety since I was 14 years old. I thought attempting suicide was a pastime all teenagers indulged in, I was wrong. I used alcohol as a band aid (Plaster) for many years but last year I began intensive Hypnotherapy which changed my life and brought me to where I am right now.

I would not have agreed to quit drinking with my Wife, if I was not ready to do so, that would have been a poor risk.

Depression is seated not in the unconscious mind or the conscious mind but the sub-concious which is fortunately the easiest to remedy.

I am also 39 by co-incidence but as of 13 days ago, I am no medication or alcohol use.

myankee

target ? unless u have experienced clinical depression,,u can never understand it,,but in therapy 25 yrs..i know myself n others ver very well from the process…thank god n my supporters,i went on to build an amazing little empire,therefore money will never be a problem, but pain is awesome as is depression

DrunkTx

Hey Yankee - slow down and take a breathe. You seem to be very accomplished, certainly have many life experiences, and obviously have your fair share of battle scars. Maybe a different approach might be to focus on helping some of us. How you could have known that drinking was as big a problem as it is in your early twenties boggles my mind. I'm 40 and only three years sober, something that challenges me everyday. I'm gathering from your professional success, coupled with your ability to kick liquor so early, that your personality type is not afraid of adversity - or maybe the fear of failure pushes you to hyper succeed. Tell us your story, tell us how you knew you had a problem at 23 and how you beat it. I for one would love your inspiration and lessons I could learn.
PS - I'm a native of NYC (elementary, high school, college and grad school) - we have to stick together!

myankee

thanks so much - I've been so so pissed off at that clown who told me to re calculate my time sober.. its very late and i must be up earier your response to me was quite intuitive and spot on… i song you for u sobriety . i promise , by sun nite if not sooner . ill share my life experience with near death at 23 n major success in sobriety,all as a result of fear of failure .. good nite n ill be back…tom c

Dee74

I'd be upset at someone who told me to recalculate my sober time too Tom - I've learned not to get those people get to me.

I hope you can too.

Life's too short - don't let them rent space in your head, man.

D

autumn4

Congratulations on staying sober..what a wonderful achievement. I have 9 months up now the longest in 6 years.
I also struggle with chronic depression for as long as I can remember..I found Therese J Borchard on the net who writes a blog and also has a website 'Project beyond blue'. I have searched & searched and to date her writings and advice has been the most comforting.

Soberwolf

This (but not as much chronic pain)