Ust

I finish work at 5pm and live only a few minutes from work and so my routine is to leave work and buy alcohol from 1 of 7/8 shops nearby, never from the same shop two days in a row. I start drinking by 5.30 and drink till I fall asleep. Occasionally I mess up by running out and drunkenly going to the shop or making abusive phone calls, emails, texts but recently have been fairly lucky. No problems with police etc. at least not for a few years.

I have been trying to stop drinking for years but my main problem is how to fill the time. When I stop and do normal things like exercise, read etc. it feels like I am just waiting until I start drinking. It is a torture and I can bear it evenings but weekends are hopeless. I just cannot fill the time. I have read the thread about doing this and that but time goes so slowly when I am not drinking.

I messed up last night by drinking more than usual and look and feel awful but can get through work but already I am dreading the weekend.

suki44883

Well, it kind of is a waiting game unless you have some support. Have you considered AA meetings? Finding a sponsor and working the steps? Do you have any face-to-face support? Just white-knuckling it is pretty hard.

Welcome to SR, Ust. You'll find a lot of on-line support here. (((HUGS)))

matilda123

Hi, Ust:

I know that waiting feeling. For the first month in particular, I felt like I was watching the clock, waiting for it to be time to go to bed. Some days early on I went to bed at 7 or 7:30, just to put myself out of my misery. I spent a whole weekend--literally--in bed watching movies and drinking tea.

But then, after about a month, something happened: I started to feel better, and started doing things in the evenings. Sometimes they weren't, admittedly, very exciting (like prepping dinner and lunch for the next day) but they made me feel more productive. Now, I'm doing new things, like talking the dogs for long walks, reengaging in hobbies I long ago let drop, etc.

I'd suggest just hanging on and doing what it takes to not drink. That is the primary goal in the beginning. Avoid triggering people and places. And then ask yourself, what do I want to do now with my life? What dreams have I let wither on the vine? Drinking and getting over having drunk take up a lot of time, so it makes sense that we feel a void if we don't fill it with something else.

Take care!

Dee74

Hi and welcome ust

I needed to change my life - cos living my old life (a life all about drinking) without drinking was just interminable.

Find some support - make some changes to your life - not only in things to do to help pass the time, but things that might give you a sense of purpose.

Also think about the things in your life that would usually push you to drink...how could handle those scenarios differently now?

Have faith in yourself Ust - you can do this...If you want

D

D

doggonecarl

It could be a couple of things, neither which have anything to do with the activities you have chosen to fill your time with.

1) Sounds like you feel you are being deprived of something if you don't drink. Hence the waiting and anticipation that makes the non-drinking time go so slow. 2) and it sounds like you haven't quite taken drinking off the table. Doesn't make time go faster, but it removes the goal of drinking and you'll be forced to deal with the "dragging of time" and finding activities that hold your attention.

I suggest recovery related activities.

Nonsensical

No it isn't. The alcoholic living in your head tells you it's torture so that you feel powerless and sorry for yourself. You're easier to manipulate in that condition.

When you were a child did you drink? Did it feel like torture waiting to become an adult so you could start drinking? No - you found things you liked to do and then did them. It was called life.

It still is.

doggonecarl

Worth reading twice.

Fly N Buy

Face to face meetings help me shorten the day.......

I am not your over the top AA'er - I do attempt to follow the program and work the steps, but I have to take what works - so to speak.

REALLY helps fill a void of time in my life and have made few friends I communicate with outside the rooms.


Also, taking an online class. Many free ones out there, maybe check them out.

Glad you're here

Jupiters

"When you were a child did you drink? Did it feel like torture waiting to become an adult so you could start drinking? No - you found things you liked to do and then did them. It was called life.

It still is."


I think this may be the best, awesomest thing I have read on this site. And I've read A LOT of awesome things.
So simple. So true and BANG ON. I need to print this.

FreeOwl

This is exactly how I felt before I got active, serious and committed. I embraced AA, started working the steps, got a sponsor, began really digging in with my therapist on my own tough emotions and history, stopped secretly entertaining notions of drinking again 'someday' and got serious about recovery.

LBrain

three times

leviathan

yup! (4).

Soberwolf

This

Anna

When you truly leave the drinking behind, you will begin to feel differently about life.