Need help finding a recovery program
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Need help finding a recovery program
I know we've still got a long journey ahead of us, but I've finally gotten my husband to agree to seek professional help for alcoholism. I never thought it would be possible after so many years of just darkness, resistance, doubt and heartbreak. Now finally, I see some light creeping in.
Currently we're trying to research treatment and recovery programs in the Piedmont Triad area of North Carolina. Does anyone know if there are any options, programs and/or facilities that we would be able to attend on the weekends together? Something that's more of an outpatient retreat program that won't be on record? The reason I'm asking is because he is worried this will tarnish him professionally. A program such as this would be ideal and would allow me to be part of it.
I realize something like this may not exist, at least not where we live, but there's just so much information out there that I thought it couldn't hurt to ask here. Plus, this forum is so supportive, and already some of the facilities I have contacted seem more "sales-pitchy" rather than concerned.
Currently we're trying to research treatment and recovery programs in the Piedmont Triad area of North Carolina. Does anyone know if there are any options, programs and/or facilities that we would be able to attend on the weekends together? Something that's more of an outpatient retreat program that won't be on record? The reason I'm asking is because he is worried this will tarnish him professionally. A program such as this would be ideal and would allow me to be part of it.
I realize something like this may not exist, at least not where we live, but there's just so much information out there that I thought it couldn't hurt to ask here. Plus, this forum is so supportive, and already some of the facilities I have contacted seem more "sales-pitchy" rather than concerned.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Hello catharsis, and Welcome!
Your husband could begin here:
SoberRecovery : Directory Drug Addiction, Alcoholism and Mental Health Service Providers
Your husband could begin here:
SoberRecovery : Directory Drug Addiction, Alcoholism and Mental Health Service Providers
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Originally Posted by Seren 
Hello catharsis, and Welcome!
Your husband could begin here:
SoberRecovery : Directory Drug Addiction, Alcoholism and Mental Health Service Providers
Your husband could begin here:
SoberRecovery : Directory Drug Addiction, Alcoholism and Mental Health Service Providers
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I know several married couples who attend AA and Alanon meetings on the same night. It's like their date night. One partner goes to AA, the other to Alanon, then afterward they go to dinner together. Celebrate Recovery has a similar setup, I believe, with programs for families as well as the alcoholic. It is faith based, and I saw from another post that your faith is very important, so that might be something to try.
All those groups are anonymous, so no worries about being "outed" at work or anywhere else.
All those groups are anonymous, so no worries about being "outed" at work or anywhere else.
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler
I know several married couples who attend AA and Alanon meetings on the same night. It's like their date night. One partner goes to AA, the other to Alanon, then afterward they go to dinner together. Celebrate Recovery has a similar setup, I believe, with programs for families as well as the alcoholic. It is faith based, and I saw from another post that your faith is very important, so that might be something to try.
All those groups are anonymous, so no worries about being "outed" at work or anywhere else.
All those groups are anonymous, so no worries about being "outed" at work or anywhere else.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Celebrate Recovery has been amazing for me. And it is definitely something you can do together, and have your own time apart there too. It's great. I have formed some very deep and lasting friendships at CR, it saved me during a time where I was at my lowest!
Welcome to SR. There is wonderful support here!
Welcome to SR. There is wonderful support here!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Yeah, I'd be REALLY careful about doing all this research for him and "managing" his recovery program. I know it's really tempting to jump in and set everything up for him so it's in a neat little package, but most of the alcoholics I know (including myself) had to get a bit desperate and humble and learn to be responsible for asking for our own help. He's got to have a stake in it. If you do all the work and pick the program, it's very easy for him to feel no sense of responsibility for the outcome.
This is HIS deal, the recovery from alcoholism. Not that you don't have your own work to do, but recovering from alcoholism is a very personal process.
Oh, and welcome! Stick around, you'll learn a lot here.
This is HIS deal, the recovery from alcoholism. Not that you don't have your own work to do, but recovering from alcoholism is a very personal process.
Oh, and welcome! Stick around, you'll learn a lot here.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Hi catharsis!
Please be patient with your A. He is likely to be scared and wishy washy. I agree he should work on finding his own program rather than you stepping up and making it happen.
He can call his primary MD and ask for their opinion. They should be quite familiar with the resources in your community and what has a good reputation and may meet the criteria he is seeking in a facility/program.
Please be patient with your A. He is likely to be scared and wishy washy. I agree he should work on finding his own program rather than you stepping up and making it happen.
He can call his primary MD and ask for their opinion. They should be quite familiar with the resources in your community and what has a good reputation and may meet the criteria he is seeking in a facility/program.
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Originally Posted by Sungrl
Just remember though to not get too wrapped up in his recovery.
That is on him. You work on You!
That is on him. You work on You!
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Yeah, I'd be REALLY careful about doing all this research for him and "managing" his recovery program. I know it's really tempting to jump in and set everything up for him so it's in a neat little package, but most of the alcoholics I know (including myself) had to get a bit desperate and humble and learn to be responsible for asking for our own help. He's got to have a stake in it. If you do all the work and pick the program, it's very easy for him to feel no sense of responsibility for the outcome.
This is HIS deal, the recovery from alcoholism. Not that you don't have your own work to do, but recovering from alcoholism is a very personal process.
Oh, and welcome! Stick around, you'll learn a lot here.
This is HIS deal, the recovery from alcoholism. Not that you don't have your own work to do, but recovering from alcoholism is a very personal process.
Oh, and welcome! Stick around, you'll learn a lot here.
Originally Posted by CodeJob
Hi catharsis!
Please be patient with your A. He is likely to be scared and wishy washy. I agree he should work on finding his own program rather than you stepping up and making it happen.
He can call his primary MD and ask for their opinion. They should be quite familiar with the resources in your community and what has a good reputation and may meet the criteria he is seeking in a facility/program.
Please be patient with your A. He is likely to be scared and wishy washy. I agree he should work on finding his own program rather than you stepping up and making it happen.
He can call his primary MD and ask for their opinion. They should be quite familiar with the resources in your community and what has a good reputation and may meet the criteria he is seeking in a facility/program.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Celebrate Recovery has been amazing for me. And it is definitely something you can do together, and have your own time apart there too. It's great. I have formed some very deep and lasting friendships at CR, it saved me during a time where I was at my lowest!
Welcome to SR. There is wonderful support here!
Welcome to SR. There is wonderful support here!
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Catharsis -
From what I have read, outpatient rehab programs have a high relapse rate. They are not really recommended. Studies have been done that show that the most effective treatment is inpatient rehab for at least 60 days. The longer the stay, the greater the chance at staying sober.
I know it may be difficult to let your husband be on his own for this length of time, but it is really vital to his recovery that he is able to learn how to provide for himself. He needs that space away from people who have been enabling him in order to heal and to discover a new way of being. In addition, without him, you can focus on your own recovery and healing.
From what I have read, outpatient rehab programs have a high relapse rate. They are not really recommended. Studies have been done that show that the most effective treatment is inpatient rehab for at least 60 days. The longer the stay, the greater the chance at staying sober.
I know it may be difficult to let your husband be on his own for this length of time, but it is really vital to his recovery that he is able to learn how to provide for himself. He needs that space away from people who have been enabling him in order to heal and to discover a new way of being. In addition, without him, you can focus on your own recovery and healing.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
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Chantal,
All recovery programs have about a 90%relapse rate in the first year. The reason longer inpatient recovery programs seem to have more success is only because they are longer. My brother in law did inpatient for 90 days. The follow-up after words involved him attending 90 meetings in 30 days and slowly weaned from the meetings from there. He also was driven to and from each meeting. That got him a total of six months. After that he was on his own. He has five years now but he has been white chuckling the whole time. I know others like him.
In the end long or short, formal or informal, the only thing that matters is the alcoholics drive to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober
All recovery programs have about a 90%relapse rate in the first year. The reason longer inpatient recovery programs seem to have more success is only because they are longer. My brother in law did inpatient for 90 days. The follow-up after words involved him attending 90 meetings in 30 days and slowly weaned from the meetings from there. He also was driven to and from each meeting. That got him a total of six months. After that he was on his own. He has five years now but he has been white chuckling the whole time. I know others like him.
In the end long or short, formal or informal, the only thing that matters is the alcoholics drive to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
From my own personal experience the best way to gage how serious he actually is with wanting to stop drinking and find recovery is to let him find it all by himself on his own. Let him do the research; let him make the phone calls let him look up meetings.
Otherwise all that’s happening is, he got you off his back by saying what you wanted to hear. Put it all on him and watch what happens.
Not trying to be negative just real.
The recovery you can focus on is your own via celebrate recovery or al-anon or individual counseling.
It’s not a “we” thing it’s a “me” thing especially in the beginning. If you both work your own programs eventually you can work on the “we” things but geting grounded in your individual recovery is key.
Otherwise all that’s happening is, he got you off his back by saying what you wanted to hear. Put it all on him and watch what happens.
Not trying to be negative just real.
The recovery you can focus on is your own via celebrate recovery or al-anon or individual counseling.
It’s not a “we” thing it’s a “me” thing especially in the beginning. If you both work your own programs eventually you can work on the “we” things but geting grounded in your individual recovery is key.
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Originally Posted by happybeingme
Chantal,
All recovery programs have about a 90%relapse rate in the first year. The reason longer inpatient recovery programs seem to have more success is only because they are longer. My brother in law did inpatient for 90 days. The follow-up after words involved him attending 90 meetings in 30 days and slowly weaned from the meetings from there. He also was driven to and from each meeting. That got him a total of six months. After that he was on his own. He has five years now but he has been white chuckling the whole time. I know others like him.
In the end long or short, formal or informal, the only thing that matters is the alcoholics drive to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober
All recovery programs have about a 90%relapse rate in the first year. The reason longer inpatient recovery programs seem to have more success is only because they are longer. My brother in law did inpatient for 90 days. The follow-up after words involved him attending 90 meetings in 30 days and slowly weaned from the meetings from there. He also was driven to and from each meeting. That got him a total of six months. After that he was on his own. He has five years now but he has been white chuckling the whole time. I know others like him.
In the end long or short, formal or informal, the only thing that matters is the alcoholics drive to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober
I have watched many documentaries on recovery and I have never seen outpatient rehabs recommended. The inpatient rehab environment is focused 24/7 on recovery. They don't give the addict any chance to go back to their old ways. It may sound very controlling and limiting, but that is exactly what the addict needs when he is at that vulnerable stage. Outpatient rehabs don't monitor the addicted person all the time and there is more opportunity for the addict to drink.
Again I am speaking from what I have seen and experienced. I am sure there have been people who have become sober on their own or through outpatient care - but the likelihood is lower from what I have seen and read.
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Yeah, I don't know that you can gauge much by a program's relapse rate. Lots of people come into AA, too, and don't really so the work, aren't really ready to get sober, and they drift in and out--some of them for years.
OTOH, I (and I know others like me--including my first husband who just celebrated 35 years of sobriety) came into AA really DONE with drinking, and wanting to do whatever was necessary to get sober and stay that way. My personal Plan A was 90 meetings in 90 days, and if I didn't feel I was on solid ground or was still drinking, Plan B was in-patient rehab. I never had to go to Plan B because I never picked up another drink, but for me it underscored how serious I was about it in my own mind.
I preferred to avoid rehab unless I absolutely needed the intensive work I could do there--I had a demanding job and taking off would have been awkward. Still, I was ready to do it if necessary, and I think that's one of the keys--how bad do you really want it?
OTOH, I (and I know others like me--including my first husband who just celebrated 35 years of sobriety) came into AA really DONE with drinking, and wanting to do whatever was necessary to get sober and stay that way. My personal Plan A was 90 meetings in 90 days, and if I didn't feel I was on solid ground or was still drinking, Plan B was in-patient rehab. I never had to go to Plan B because I never picked up another drink, but for me it underscored how serious I was about it in my own mind.
I preferred to avoid rehab unless I absolutely needed the intensive work I could do there--I had a demanding job and taking off would have been awkward. Still, I was ready to do it if necessary, and I think that's one of the keys--how bad do you really want it?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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I quit with nothing but the burning desire to be sober no matter what. No programs, no SR, no in or outpatient. Not even a doctor (that was stupid)
Support helps, but what makes any program work is the drive to stop using from the individual.
I don't think statistics really account for that variable.
Support helps, but what makes any program work is the drive to stop using from the individual.
I don't think statistics really account for that variable.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Lets focus people. She needs our support, not a debate.
No matter what sort of recovery he gets, the more he puts into it, the more he will get out. So anything he can do to assist himself in setting it all up is a positive. He needs to take ownership and make the commitment to himself.
Good luck to both of you!
No matter what sort of recovery he gets, the more he puts into it, the more he will get out. So anything he can do to assist himself in setting it all up is a positive. He needs to take ownership and make the commitment to himself.
Good luck to both of you!
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
One other thing you might want to look at is the secular section for friends and family on this forum. They tend to take a community approach to recovery and something called CRAFT. I admit I know nothing about that approach however there are some really knowledgeable posters in that forum.
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While I am truly happy that your husband has agreed to seek help for his alcoholism, I see some red flags in your post. There are a lot of "we" comments, but you have to accept that at this point it's not "we"...it is all on HIM. He needs to either get into a treatment program, or get busy with AA. But it is HIS recovery. His early treatment is not really something you're a part of. A lot of out patient programs have certain nights that are family nights (or days) where you will also participate. Other than that you're really not involved.
If he is serious....he will find a way. He can go online right now and find AA meetings near him. He can talk to his Primary Care Provider. He can check for counseling benefits through his insurance.
Your focus is better served working on your own recovery. We learn to "stay on our side of the street" in AlAnon. Find an AlAnon meeting for yourself and start your own healing process. I say all of this with kindness. Those of us who love an A often want them to get health SO badly that we will do anything to try and make it happen. All the A has to do is give us a glimmer of hope, and we are all over getting them healthy! I got my A into 3 different outpatient programs before I learned to step back and let him figure it out. He finally did....but not because of anything I did.
I wish you both the best.
If he is serious....he will find a way. He can go online right now and find AA meetings near him. He can talk to his Primary Care Provider. He can check for counseling benefits through his insurance.
Your focus is better served working on your own recovery. We learn to "stay on our side of the street" in AlAnon. Find an AlAnon meeting for yourself and start your own healing process. I say all of this with kindness. Those of us who love an A often want them to get health SO badly that we will do anything to try and make it happen. All the A has to do is give us a glimmer of hope, and we are all over getting them healthy! I got my A into 3 different outpatient programs before I learned to step back and let him figure it out. He finally did....but not because of anything I did.
I wish you both the best.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
I'm glad you are both interested in recovery. That is a huge step.
My experience as both an AA and Alanon member ("double winner") is that the only experts on alcoholism who have a solution to pass on are recovered alcoholics themselves. Only an alcoholic can touch another alcoholic in that special way. My experience is that only someone who has walked the path themselves can help another alcoholic truly get well spiritually (which is getting well). Recovery is not an intellectual thing...it's about willingness to do the steps.
The greatest men I know on earth are the Big Book guys in AA. These men are real
Powers of example. Likewise, Alanons do the process of recovery in the AA Big Book now too - because what "recovery" really is is recovering a relationship with God, and the Big Book process is the most powerful thing by far I've ever been able to find that produces a psychic change and spiritual experience that is required to arrest any malady.
The best marriages I know are where both partners have had a spiritual awakening through that process, do their own work and are actively helping others go through it too. It is where the main 12 Steps were written and each other program is an offshoot of it.
Something to think about. It is where I found my solution Which is the God of my understanding.
May He bless you both and keep you.
My experience as both an AA and Alanon member ("double winner") is that the only experts on alcoholism who have a solution to pass on are recovered alcoholics themselves. Only an alcoholic can touch another alcoholic in that special way. My experience is that only someone who has walked the path themselves can help another alcoholic truly get well spiritually (which is getting well). Recovery is not an intellectual thing...it's about willingness to do the steps.
The greatest men I know on earth are the Big Book guys in AA. These men are real
Powers of example. Likewise, Alanons do the process of recovery in the AA Big Book now too - because what "recovery" really is is recovering a relationship with God, and the Big Book process is the most powerful thing by far I've ever been able to find that produces a psychic change and spiritual experience that is required to arrest any malady.
The best marriages I know are where both partners have had a spiritual awakening through that process, do their own work and are actively helping others go through it too. It is where the main 12 Steps were written and each other program is an offshoot of it.
Something to think about. It is where I found my solution Which is the God of my understanding.
May He bless you both and keep you.
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