Newbie question. Is there a benefit to counting the days since your last drink?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 8
Newbie question. Is there a benefit to counting the days since your last drink?
I know everyone is different and has different ways to deal, but it seems like the most popular way to deal is to celebrate milestones in terms of time since our last drink.
I think it's healthier for me personally to not dwell on the past, as it seems like we are just waiting to fail by counting, or we are setting ourselves up for a big depression if we throw 299 days down the drain rather than treating it like a hiccup.
I've never done this before, nor have I studied the human mind to have any idea why we tend to keep track like this.
Sometimes people continue to do things because they work and sometimes we continue to do things because that's the way it's always been done.
Just talking to myself, don't mind me.
I think it's healthier for me personally to not dwell on the past, as it seems like we are just waiting to fail by counting, or we are setting ourselves up for a big depression if we throw 299 days down the drain rather than treating it like a hiccup.
I've never done this before, nor have I studied the human mind to have any idea why we tend to keep track like this.
Sometimes people continue to do things because they work and sometimes we continue to do things because that's the way it's always been done.
Just talking to myself, don't mind me.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Good question--it's one I've thought about myself many times before.
While today is the only day that matters for my ongoing sobriety, I keep count for myself and also like seeing other people's sobriety dates because it helps to remind me that I and others have done this before and that TODAY I don't have to drink NO MATTER WHAT. So that's the benefit I get from keeping count.
While today is the only day that matters for my ongoing sobriety, I keep count for myself and also like seeing other people's sobriety dates because it helps to remind me that I and others have done this before and that TODAY I don't have to drink NO MATTER WHAT. So that's the benefit I get from keeping count.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
whatever works for YOU.
I stopped counting days after 90, then I stopped counting months after a year.
It's easy for me to keep track because it was at the end of the year.
If you drink after 300 days you can either say 300 days down the drain or 300 days I was able to control this. Now I can continue and work toward 3000. Having 300 days is not lost if you slip. It is only lost if you continue to drink. As some say, pick up where you left off and go forward.
I stopped counting days after 90, then I stopped counting months after a year.
It's easy for me to keep track because it was at the end of the year.
If you drink after 300 days you can either say 300 days down the drain or 300 days I was able to control this. Now I can continue and work toward 3000. Having 300 days is not lost if you slip. It is only lost if you continue to drink. As some say, pick up where you left off and go forward.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Count...don't count. It's all accounting anyways. If you can tie either one to your success in staying sober, go for it.
Just seems to me that those most opposed to counting sober days are the ones that have the hardest time accumulating any.
Just seems to me that those most opposed to counting sober days are the ones that have the hardest time accumulating any.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 120
Hi TBA,
I think there are different views on this depending on your own viewpoint about recovery and what works for you. The book "Rational Recovery" takes the view that counting days is counterproductive and expresses many of the same doubts you've posted about. However, AA members count days and, as you said, mark their milestones along the way.
I think both approaches have value. I felt a certain freedom while reading RR'S paragraphs about day-counting, thinking, "I don't need to count since I'm never going to drink again!" On the other hand, I felt great inspiration during AA meetings when members shared their day-counts and they were in the years or decades, as I knew I could make it too.
I think there are different views on this depending on your own viewpoint about recovery and what works for you. The book "Rational Recovery" takes the view that counting days is counterproductive and expresses many of the same doubts you've posted about. However, AA members count days and, as you said, mark their milestones along the way.
I think both approaches have value. I felt a certain freedom while reading RR'S paragraphs about day-counting, thinking, "I don't need to count since I'm never going to drink again!" On the other hand, I felt great inspiration during AA meetings when members shared their day-counts and they were in the years or decades, as I knew I could make it too.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I was talking to a friend where i live about this and i count as it feels each day is like footsteps away from my old life and it feels fantastic i couldnt tell you what day im on as its 500+ and i honestly dont know
What i do know il be 18 months sober on Wednsday i count by month nowadays
This is my first real shot at sobriety first time ive ever been over 18 days sober (my previous record) and now im coming up for 18 months
So yes i count
What i do know il be 18 months sober on Wednsday i count by month nowadays
This is my first real shot at sobriety first time ive ever been over 18 days sober (my previous record) and now im coming up for 18 months
So yes i count
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I don't count days, I count months. It helps to keep me going if I'm having a rough patch if I say "I'm NOT losing my year." But, it truly is just today that matters. I am sober today.
I like what Carl said. My husband slipped just shy of his year (this time around). He didn't restart his days. He told me that it's one day at a time, which is true. But...he is rapidly sliding towards an ugky relapse.
You do what works best for you. Counting works for me in addition to reaching out and posting here and attending AA meetings and reaching out in real life.
I like what Carl said. My husband slipped just shy of his year (this time around). He didn't restart his days. He told me that it's one day at a time, which is true. But...he is rapidly sliding towards an ugky relapse.
You do what works best for you. Counting works for me in addition to reaching out and posting here and attending AA meetings and reaching out in real life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I did for my first 30 days then after that I went month to month until I got a year.
I do look every so often at how many days but it is more for fun then anything.
Do what you want to do, it is your sobriety and your journey, not anyone else's.
I do look every so often at how many days but it is more for fun then anything.
Do what you want to do, it is your sobriety and your journey, not anyone else's.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
I'm with DoggoneCarl.
I've spent my whole adult life "in recovery" except for those pesky relapses...
Inside myself, I know that my journey began on that long-ago day in 1986 when I first staggered into an NA meeting in San Francisco. That was 28 years ago.
I will have my 5 months this Friday.
I believe that the "journey" encompasses the full shebang - from the desperate decision to quit through all the recovery learnings and the relapse errors. We do learn from those moments in which we quit or fall or fail or rebel or...and that learning is part of the recovery, especially if we keep layering that learning and thickening our sobriety.
BUT...I don't run around telling people that I have 28 years because I do not. Nor am I of the "I just have today" group, because dammit, I've managed continuous sobriety for 5 months straight, through some trauma and doubt, through positive opportunities to drink in sweet circumstances and through late lonely nights where I dropped to my knees to make it.
That matters. The continuity matters. And it is true that as it builds, it becomes a bigger and bigger deal to "throw away your time."
The down side of that (and this is one of my layers of experience) is that by magnifying the shame and horror of "throwing away sober time" it means that if you do choose to drink after a long stint of sobriety, you tend to keep going for a bit before returning to the program because you're going to have to "hang your head and confess" anyway, so you might as well squeeze some party time out of it...
I think that this aspect of it is detrimental.
Bottom line - I think recovery is hard. Studying yourself and your motivations and your hurts and your bruised places is hard. Being honorable all the time and honest when it is uncomfortable and accepting responsibility is hard. Not ever getting a "break" inside all that "working on self" is hard.
Any accomplishment of hanging in there is worthy of celebration. I feel my sobriety celebrations as special. In the first year, we celebrate months in AA. I typically go out for a meal with friends, go to a meeting and collect a chip. It feels meaningful and I get that moment of special attention and support. Yes, support for doing what we all do, which may feel silly, but I like the way it feels. I like celebrations. I make it special and try a little harder to look pretty when I get ready that morning...
So, yes, counting time has helped my sobriety. I'm a proud woman, and absolutely HATE having to go into my AA meeting and announce that I'm back on day 1. I've done it once where I live now, and hope to never have to do it again!!
That being said, if I weren't active in AA, it wouldn't be important to me at all...I do many things to improve my being and my life, and I don't keep "track of days" on any of them, whether that is having a daily yoga practice or walking my dog regularly or quitting smoking. It is definitely tied in to some sort of status or prestige or "being taken seriously" at AA issue for me.
I've spent my whole adult life "in recovery" except for those pesky relapses...
Inside myself, I know that my journey began on that long-ago day in 1986 when I first staggered into an NA meeting in San Francisco. That was 28 years ago.
I will have my 5 months this Friday.
I believe that the "journey" encompasses the full shebang - from the desperate decision to quit through all the recovery learnings and the relapse errors. We do learn from those moments in which we quit or fall or fail or rebel or...and that learning is part of the recovery, especially if we keep layering that learning and thickening our sobriety.
BUT...I don't run around telling people that I have 28 years because I do not. Nor am I of the "I just have today" group, because dammit, I've managed continuous sobriety for 5 months straight, through some trauma and doubt, through positive opportunities to drink in sweet circumstances and through late lonely nights where I dropped to my knees to make it.
That matters. The continuity matters. And it is true that as it builds, it becomes a bigger and bigger deal to "throw away your time."
The down side of that (and this is one of my layers of experience) is that by magnifying the shame and horror of "throwing away sober time" it means that if you do choose to drink after a long stint of sobriety, you tend to keep going for a bit before returning to the program because you're going to have to "hang your head and confess" anyway, so you might as well squeeze some party time out of it...
I think that this aspect of it is detrimental.
Bottom line - I think recovery is hard. Studying yourself and your motivations and your hurts and your bruised places is hard. Being honorable all the time and honest when it is uncomfortable and accepting responsibility is hard. Not ever getting a "break" inside all that "working on self" is hard.
Any accomplishment of hanging in there is worthy of celebration. I feel my sobriety celebrations as special. In the first year, we celebrate months in AA. I typically go out for a meal with friends, go to a meeting and collect a chip. It feels meaningful and I get that moment of special attention and support. Yes, support for doing what we all do, which may feel silly, but I like the way it feels. I like celebrations. I make it special and try a little harder to look pretty when I get ready that morning...
So, yes, counting time has helped my sobriety. I'm a proud woman, and absolutely HATE having to go into my AA meeting and announce that I'm back on day 1. I've done it once where I live now, and hope to never have to do it again!!
That being said, if I weren't active in AA, it wouldn't be important to me at all...I do many things to improve my being and my life, and I don't keep "track of days" on any of them, whether that is having a daily yoga practice or walking my dog regularly or quitting smoking. It is definitely tied in to some sort of status or prestige or "being taken seriously" at AA issue for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
In the beginning going 48hrs was unheard of me, I was counting hours and sometimes half hours just to get over the line some days, but then I graduated to days and it keep me focused, in the beginning it was all about building up those Sober muscles, with each day something inside, that in hindsight I can now look back upon, was changing and strengthening me.
As time went on, days turned into months which turned into a year, and by then the idea of continuing life as a "non drinker" had firmly been established, so counting went by the wayside somewhat.
Looking back there was an advantage to counting, but that will evolve with time!!
As time went on, days turned into months which turned into a year, and by then the idea of continuing life as a "non drinker" had firmly been established, so counting went by the wayside somewhat.
Looking back there was an advantage to counting, but that will evolve with time!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
I think it's whatever works for each person. Seeing the days add up helps me. I relapsed after 89 days. After that I had a 21 days but my thought was.. "It's only 21 days so it won't be that bad if I start again". Oh the twisted things alcoholic think. I was really upset at myself after the 89 days. So I'm going to watch them add up again and not let me go. But really it's just whatever works for ya.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I personally think that it is beneficial to use any kind of thinking that helps you move forward. If it's counting days, great. If not, that's fine too.
When I was first on here, I stumbled a bit to where it was helpful for me to count how many days I had been sober out of the days I had been trying to be sober (29 days sober/30 days). As I have gotten further along in my sobriety journey, I use consecutive days since it is meaningful to me and something I don't want to lose to where it helps keep me sober. If I relapsed, I would focus again on how many days attempted using my most recent sobriety b-date.
When I was first on here, I stumbled a bit to where it was helpful for me to count how many days I had been sober out of the days I had been trying to be sober (29 days sober/30 days). As I have gotten further along in my sobriety journey, I use consecutive days since it is meaningful to me and something I don't want to lose to where it helps keep me sober. If I relapsed, I would focus again on how many days attempted using my most recent sobriety b-date.
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