Keeping the boys updated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Keeping the boys updated
They are so smart. A lot of times they have been wiser than me. They seem do have their drunk radar updated better than my most of the time, thought I have greatly improved.
Their dad hasn't called them all day nor has he called me or text me just to check in with his family. Nope, nothing, zilch, nada damn thing.
I asked each of the boys how they are doing without their dad at home. Not one of them said they wished I would let him come back home because it wasn't that bad. It just makes me so sad for them. It makes me so sad for our family.
I decided to let them know what my plans are. I don't want anything to be sprung on them. I let them know I am seeking a legal separation from their dad, what that means, and why. They got it. I also let them know that at the end of the agreement I made with my AH, that if he didn't follow through, I may have to divorce because I can't spend another 5, 10, 20 more years living like this. They seemed to get this, too.
We discussed how I may have to move to my grandparents little house because I can't afford this home's mortgage and their first thought was where they would stay. With me of course! But that they have the right to choose most likely because of their age. I also told them that while the home is small, I and my siblings and a cousin (4 of us) all spent every summer there quite comfortably w/o any problems. They seemed ok with that.
This makes me so sick. Every dream I ever had as a young girl has been blown to smithereens and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it except pray. Not a darn thing I can do about it for my sons except be open, honest, and pray for them.
Their dad hasn't called them all day nor has he called me or text me just to check in with his family. Nope, nothing, zilch, nada damn thing.
I asked each of the boys how they are doing without their dad at home. Not one of them said they wished I would let him come back home because it wasn't that bad. It just makes me so sad for them. It makes me so sad for our family.
I decided to let them know what my plans are. I don't want anything to be sprung on them. I let them know I am seeking a legal separation from their dad, what that means, and why. They got it. I also let them know that at the end of the agreement I made with my AH, that if he didn't follow through, I may have to divorce because I can't spend another 5, 10, 20 more years living like this. They seemed to get this, too.
We discussed how I may have to move to my grandparents little house because I can't afford this home's mortgage and their first thought was where they would stay. With me of course! But that they have the right to choose most likely because of their age. I also told them that while the home is small, I and my siblings and a cousin (4 of us) all spent every summer there quite comfortably w/o any problems. They seemed ok with that.
This makes me so sick. Every dream I ever had as a young girl has been blown to smithereens and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it except pray. Not a darn thing I can do about it for my sons except be open, honest, and pray for them.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
Hi Katchie
I say good for you. A while ago you and I were in about the same place and here you are ..... So much further along than I. Everything seems to be going okay. Just keep praying. It helped to get you this far!
I say good for you. A while ago you and I were in about the same place and here you are ..... So much further along than I. Everything seems to be going okay. Just keep praying. It helped to get you this far!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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(((Katchie)))
Your kids are smart and resilient. Knowing how to pray, to be open and honest.... that is a lot right there! You're teaching them some wonderful things by example. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Which is better, change or no change?
Let those feelings flow, yet try to enjoy the moment at hand without future-tripping. To be honest, when change scares me the most is before it happens. Once it comes, it usually isn't quite like I was anticipating.
Your kids are smart and resilient. Knowing how to pray, to be open and honest.... that is a lot right there! You're teaching them some wonderful things by example. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Which is better, change or no change?
Let those feelings flow, yet try to enjoy the moment at hand without future-tripping. To be honest, when change scares me the most is before it happens. Once it comes, it usually isn't quite like I was anticipating.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Katchie, if yo've been following my threads, you'll see that I've done the same with my son(he's 16) last week. You know, he actually seems relieved even though we don't know where we're going to be renting, etc. Like the white elephant standing in the middle of the room is finally out in the open and it's OK to just accept it and move forward.
His words to me last week were, "I kept wondering what's taking mom so long to do something about this?"
It's going to be OK~ I find it comforting to know that I am not alone, as I'm sure you do, as well. Sending you lots of virtual hugs today!
His words to me last week were, "I kept wondering what's taking mom so long to do something about this?"
It's going to be OK~ I find it comforting to know that I am not alone, as I'm sure you do, as well. Sending you lots of virtual hugs today!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Liz, now that you say that, I do remember reading your post. I've tried to be honest since I came out of my own denial.
Really, it's not like they aren't aware of what's happening and I think it takes pressure off of them to have it out in the open. I know getting things out in the open have relieved me.
Really, it's not like they aren't aware of what's happening and I think it takes pressure off of them to have it out in the open. I know getting things out in the open have relieved me.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I'm glad you are sharing with them.
My "drunk radar" was pretty flawless as well.
It's a by-product of growing up with an alcoholic parent.
You have to be able to instantly sense the lay of the land to keep safe.
Hang in there and keep walking. Hugs.
My "drunk radar" was pretty flawless as well.
It's a by-product of growing up with an alcoholic parent.
You have to be able to instantly sense the lay of the land to keep safe.
Hang in there and keep walking. Hugs.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Katchie, I really respect you. Kids are very perceptive, as you said, much more than we are sometimes. They are on the crazy train too when they feel they cannot get any truth of what is going on. I am glad you are keeping them off of that ride!
Tight hugs my friend!
Tight hugs my friend!
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