kendrasfriend

Hi everyone I haven't posted in a good while as I have been doing good but iv been logging in reading and that.
This week I'm not doing to well. My partner and I decided to have a baby and I got pregnant quite quickly. I am now 11 weeks and since week 6 I gave up cannabis and my doctor is weaning me off my anxiety meds (Valium) and methadone. I am down to 12.5 mg diazepam daily and 60 mils methadone. All this is or was going OK. Until just after new year we got sick a really bad flu /virus got us all I'll the 2 kids aged 20 months and 4 years they both were Ill and my boyfriend got it worst than all of us. He was in such bad form. Anyways we started buying xanax off the street to help him cope as he is benzo dependant more than myself. So I noticed that this was getting to b too much leaving him word after tablets wore off. He had a huge fight with me over a small mistake and left after saying so much hurtful personal things to me in a bout of anger.
Now I'm alone pregnant with 2 kids and 3 big dogs. My head is wreacked and my heart broken. I feel sick in my tummy, like empty and anxiety is worse than ever. I called for her I on last night but then I didn't make the pick up. I'm so scared I don't trust myself. I have no support or real friends anymore. I have to bring my daughter to school tomo an I know I will run Into 'old mate's'. My bf took the car so I'll b walking. I'm terrified. I used on a previous pregnancy and I still an will always feel guilty I cannot forgive myself. My babies ar healthy and happy but I am so down I could easily risk them for a bag. Please pray for me. It feels good to get this off my chest my best mate committed suicide last April and she was my only support.. I want my man back but he is being stubborn and this all feels like end of the world for me did we give up to much at once and caused all the anger. Where do I go from here. I'm so close to using , risking a lot . My whole life i feel worthless. Thanks for reading

IOAA2

Hi.
I understand your pain however the way things are headed I feel FAST counseling is a requirement at this point for some hope.

There is no quick and soft way out without stopping ALL mind altering substances which we thought held us together. Next comes the work necessary to go one day at a time pursuing real sobriety.

BE WELL

BernieE

Please make the call for help again and then pick up. Support is there for you. It is here, too, stay close. But please make the call. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Your children deserve a happy and healthy mum. (((Hugs)))

ReadyAtLast

Hi, please call someone for help or see your doc tomorrow or even go to A &E. Please don't use. Do whatever you have to do to ensure you don't. Just because the children you have were ok after you used during pregnancy doesn't mean to say this one will be. You will never forgive yourself if you use and there are problems.

Please get the help you need. This is not just about you anymore.

Soberwolf

Hi Kendrasfriend can you ring a womans refuge of some sort to try breaking away from this life to embrace a sober happier life

You are going through a lot and with the added pressure of kids and no support life must be extremly difficult

but there is hope as you are here with us now and there is tons of advice and guidance to help you decide on a better future

Dont panic but do read posts start making a point of logging if you havnt got support well you got it in tons here

Its starts with accepting that this way of living is not making you happy or healtly

i really hope you stick around

kendrasfriend

Thank u all for taking the time to read and respond. It helps to know that there's support here from people. I will go to my doctor tomo maybe AnE to check my baby I haven't used and I'm taking it minute by minute. I will make a counselling appointment tomo and will go from there. I don't feel as alone anymore with all urbreaponses. Guys thanks a million. Ur right my children deserve better from me.

Anna

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much right now. You are making the right decision to stay clean and sober for your two children, as well as for the baby you're carrying. Do talk to your dr as soon as possible.

Soberwolf

You never have to feel alone again you have us now & were here 24/7 so many ppl from all over the world

Kendrasfriend you really can do this im glad your sticking around & are taking action to get sober

SoberLeigh

Glad to hear that you will be seeing your doctor tomorrow. Don't hesitate to go to ER before then if you feel things are deteriorating further.

Is there a social services agency in your area to provide living assistance of any kind?

We are here for you; lean on us; keep posting.

Gonnachange

Sorry to read about your situation, but I'm glad that you're taking the positive steps that you are. Stay around; this is a great place for support, information, and advice.