The Language of Letting Go, Jan. 11
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The Language of Letting Go, Jan. 11
JANUARY 11
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Letting Go of Guilt
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt--earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Letting Go of Guilt
"There's a good trick that people in dysfunctional relationships use," said one recovering woman. "The other person does something inappropriate or wrong, then stands there until you feel guilty and end up apologizing."
It's imperative that we stop feeling so guilty.
Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.
Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other people's best interests. Guilt can stop us from taking healthy care of ourselves.
We don't have to let others count on the fact that we'll always feel guilty. We don't have to allow ourselves to be controlled by guilt--earned or unearned! We can break through the barrier of guilt that holds us back from self care. Push. Push harder. We are not at fault, crazy, or wrong. We have a right to set boundaries and to insist on appropriate treatment. We can separate another's issues from our issues, and let the person experience the consequences of his or her own behavior, including guilt. We can trust ourselves to know when our boundaries are being violated.
Today, I will let go of my big and little guilty feelings. Light and love are on my side.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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I have to say, for the first time in a long time, I am not having an issue with guilt even tho I won't let him come back home and made him deal with his mother -- I'm ok with that and I'm guilt free! yay!
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Originally Posted by Katchie 
I have to say, for the first time in a long time, I am not having an issue with guilt even tho I won't let him come back home and made him deal with his mother -- I'm ok with that and I'm guilt free! yay!
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This! Thank you for this!
Guilty of being guilty! I think in child hood I was taught that my abusive father's behavior was my fault and that taking care of my alcoholic mom and step dad was my responsibility. Guilt guilt guilt.
At least I am still close to my mom and forgive her.
Guilty of being guilty! I think in child hood I was taught that my abusive father's behavior was my fault and that taking care of my alcoholic mom and step dad was my responsibility. Guilt guilt guilt.
At least I am still close to my mom and forgive her.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
This may not make any sense to anyone, but this is what I am experiencing with guilt.
I was in a relationship with an active alcoholic for years. I have been out for over a year, so it is still fresh on my mind. I had felt that guilt for over 13 years.
I find myself hesitant on getting involved because I don't even want anyone getting the opportunity of having me feel guilty. So I'm sort of left alone.
There is always the chance of being hurt again or feeling that guilt...how do you know when a situation is worth taking the risk?
(still sort of on the topic )
I was in a relationship with an active alcoholic for years. I have been out for over a year, so it is still fresh on my mind. I had felt that guilt for over 13 years.
I find myself hesitant on getting involved because I don't even want anyone getting the opportunity of having me feel guilty. So I'm sort of left alone.
There is always the chance of being hurt again or feeling that guilt...how do you know when a situation is worth taking the risk?
(still sort of on the topic
)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
This may not make any sense to anyone, but this is what I am experiencing with guilt.
I was in a relationship with an active alcoholic for years. I have been out for over a year, so it is still fresh on my mind. I had felt that guilt for over 13 years.
I find myself hesitant on getting involved with someone again because I don't even want anyone getting the opportunity to make me feel guilty. So I'm sort of left alone.
There is always the chance of being hurt again or feeling that guilt...how do you know when a situation is worth taking the risk?
(still sort of on the topic )
I was in a relationship with an active alcoholic for years. I have been out for over a year, so it is still fresh on my mind. I had felt that guilt for over 13 years.
I find myself hesitant on getting involved with someone again because I don't even want anyone getting the opportunity to make me feel guilty. So I'm sort of left alone.
There is always the chance of being hurt again or feeling that guilt...how do you know when a situation is worth taking the risk?
(still sort of on the topic
)
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