story74

Just slightly depressed and angry.

I had a supervised visit with the xah and I was just annoyed. He was slightly rude to me. He kept pushing unsupervised visits in front of my son. He kept talking about visits in front of my son. Because he was a no call no show, I had asked him to no lo get speak of visits in front of our son. In fact, after being a no call no show, he (after a tantrum) canceled Christmas visit. Of course, there is no remorse on his side...in fact, it seems as though he is angry at me. Of course. And I hesitate even saying anything to him ( just ignoring him) because he is such an a@@. I don't want to waste my energy on him...but here I am upset.

I'm so tired of his "I don't care I'm gonna do what I want BS". I'm tired of feeling his anger. I am just so sick of it. He spoke about how his dad won't talk to him and just rolled his eyes. I didn't say anything, but I thought, he takes no responsibility. No accountability. It's everybody else who has a problem.

I honestly can't stand him. I think he is jerk.

I also swear he is still using. The no call no show was such a " yes I am using" action. Then, can cancelling Christmas. He came to the previous visitation all tired and today was 20 minutes late. He is also a payment behind in support...of course with no mention of when it will be paid.

I don't know what I want. Well, I guess I do. I want a man who is honest, respectful And kind. This man is manipulative, charming and throws a tantrum to get what he wants. He is pushing, and it's making me upset. He doesn't care what I want, and he doesn't care what our son needs.

I am thinking about seeing a lawyer. I believe he doesn't stand a chance in shared custody after abandoning my son for almost 2 years. I just want to know what my rights are. I k ow he wants shared custody, but I have no faith in this man. He is also living with someone who is legally not allowed near my son. He is nice to our son when they are together, but he has lied to my son when I wasn't near and he gets bored quickly. So, when it stops being fun to hang out with a kid...he checks out.

I'm trying to stay present. To not worry about the future because I cannot control it. But I am so scared for my sons well being. My xah changed the soul of my child by abandoning him. My son's education was compromised. Our family and family relationships were destroyed. I just want to take things really slow to build trust and make sure my son is OK, but my x wants what he wants now and is making me nervous and upset. I don't want to live my life like this anymore. I don't want him to have such power over my emotions. Letting go is so hard. I'm feel like I'm always trying to be nice and fair and he just does what he wants. No contact is not an option, but I keep it extremely minimal and try to not react emotionally. Like when he canceled Xmas, I was very angry he didn't put his son first, but I just ignored his email. I didn't even respond. He never calls. I just have to see him 2 hours a week. Usually our visits go pleasantly, but this one bothered me. He is mad because I set boundaries after he was a no call no show. Strict ones. So, he's upset. The baby is mad.

Anyways, so I (have said this a million times) have to get to the point where he can't mess with my emotions. This is the hard part. I want to be happy. I am happy. I like where my life is. So, I need to stop obsessing on my fears of one day having to share. Custody. Bottom line, I think he is still using and living with person I don't want my son around. I don't want him screwing up my son any further...this is where and when I start getting anxious!

Ann

Story, I think you need to get proper legal advice and find out what your rights are and the rights of your son.

It doesn't matter what "he" thinks or feels, he is not allowed to emotionally hurt your son like that.

Protect your son by seeing a lawyer with documentation of everything you have shared here.

You are the adult, you are the one in control of your life and your child's. Get help, legally, and take care of both of you.

Hugs

Twofish

Dear Story,
Ann is sooo right! Listen to every word she says. A child shouldn't be a game piece.
A child should be loved and cherished.
Know your legal rights and stop worrying about his. Sounds like to me that he's done
enough damage to you and your son.
Tight hugs from this momma
TF

zoso77

Story...

Ann and Twofish have given you solid feedback. Here's my $0.02.

Let's assume, for the sake of argument, he's not using. Let's assume he's abstaining. You know what? It doesn't matter because the only thing this man cares about is what he wants. There is nothing in this post or your previous posts that suggests he wants what is best for your son. It's all about him. And in that regard, he is no different than someone who is in active addiction. And you know this:

I'll tell you what I'd like to see? I'd like to see you take your power back. I would assume, from this moment on, he will not change. And I believe that's a safe assumption.

If you are not keeping a running document/journal of all your encounters with him, I would start doing so now. It is time -- past time really -- that the gloves come off. Do not be afraid of him. Do not live in fear of him. Do not let him upset you. You know what he is, you know he won't change, so take that knowledge and do everything within your power to ensure that legally, you and your son are protected.

story74

Thanks, Zoso. I needed to hear that. I am going to write the last paragraph down and keep it close to me at all times. I have to send him a reminder email that we can't make visitation this coming weekend (because of course he doesn't remember) and in this email I am going to remind him to not discuss visits, and you know what? I'm anxious. Why? Because of his angry reaction. After the last meeting with him it seems he is a time bomb waiting to explode. He is angry and slightly contemptuous towards me. Normally, I would coddle and pet him, so that I wouldn't have to deal with his anger. BUT, this time I am not. He has cheated, lied, stole, broken hearts and abandoned our son. I won't forget that. Just a month ago he was a no show. He cancelled xmas, but he still thinks he is entitled to whatever he wants without proving anything. I don't want a war. In fact, I am not going to even fight him. I am going to make the choices I feel comfortable with, and then ignore his tantrum. Yes, it will be hard to not only hear his quacking, but ignore it. BUT, I can and will do it. I can't try to please him anymore. It is about my son and even about my own mental health.

Insert rocky song. I can and will emotionally detach. I have to!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ardy

Story What Ann said.. is so important.. alot of us have had to go through the same crap..my ex attacked our councilor yep... he hid under the desk . ppfftt it will get better and when your son is older he will see this picture clear.. my 3 did when then were in high school .. yep.. Stand Tall Hold the High Ground and scream over this way the people here are GREAT.. as tony tiger would say...

hopeful4

Hello. I am so sorry.

I just want to mention, please make sure you document every single thing. To the point that it may seem over the top, but it is necessary.

Tight hugs, it's so hard, I get it.