Peter_819

I'm almost six weeks sober and generally I am feeling quite a bit better, however, I am emotionally stunted. I haven't had to really feel any true unadulterated emotions in a long time. I've been leaning on alcohol since my late adolescence and haven't really learned much about dealing with "feelings" since that time. My coping strategy has always been to grit and bear whatever I was dealing with and then reward myself with some liquid love as soon as possible. So far in my recovery I have been able to shelter myself from anything too taxing until now.

My father has recently been admitted to the hospital in an extremely manic state. He is bi-polar and has dealt with both this illness and intermittent alcohol abuse since adulthood. I'm visiting him for the first time in the hospital tomorrow. I'm fairly confident that I will be able to avoid the temptation to drink after I visit. Other than that I don't know what I'll do. My whole family including myself have always prided ourselves in having a pretty stiffer upper lip, but feel like I may just completely break down as soon as I see him.

Like everyone else always writes "I don't know what I am expecting by writing this posts". I just know it feels cathartic to get it down in writing.

Anna

I'm glad that you posted and congratulations on 6 weeks sober. I'm sorry to hear your Dad is in the Hospital but hopefully he is getting good care. I'm sure it will be hard to see him, but you know that he is in good hands and the hospital is the best place for him right now. I'm sure it will be upsetting, but you will be able to get through it. Try to take a few minutes for yourself if you are upset and be proud that you will not drink tonight.

Alwyshope12

this is actually pretty common. It was true of me and I've heard it said that you stop maturing emotionally at the age you start drinking, and as you stop drinking you need to experience all of the emotions and learn to deal with them.

there is noting wrong with breaking down and crying, it is a sign that you are experiencing your emotions.

advbike

I did that for 40 years. Really sucks to be learning to experience and identify one's feelings and emotions at age 60, lol.

You'll be fine. Just go and be there for him, and leave when you need to. Take care of yourself first.

N3p3nth3

I agree that this is quite common. I find myself confronting feelings that are in part why I started drinking in the first place. Some issues with my family, for instance, have popped up recently and these are things I basically avoided thinking about for the past decade. People sometimes refer to drinking as "self medicating" (I know I did!). Once you take that away we have to work through some things and find new ways of dealing with tough times. The important thing is that it's totally worth it!

JanieJ

Yes, that is very common. I have started going to counselling because of my unresolved emotion turmoil.

Breaking down is fine, it is a normal reaction to a situation like that, and as Anna said, take some time to yourself if you need to.

You will be really present for you father in his time of need, and that is a really admirable thing, be proud of yourself and how far you have come.

Peter_819

Thanks everyone for your kind words, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Off to take take a shower then to the hospital. May even spoil myself with a fancy Starbucks coffee concoction on the way. Thanks again.

Peter_819

Oh and by the way no actual Pygmies were harmed during the writing of this thread.

Soberwolf

Well done on 6 weeks sober Peter that is fantastic