qbee223

Hey everyone. Just joined today and wanted to share some of my story.

I am 23 years old and have been struggling with addiction and eating disorders for 10 years. I have just recently come to realize what is wrong with me, and I am looking for a way out. I want to get through the day without alcohol. But I find it so impossible. And at the end of the day, I always lie in bed and say "tomorrow, I am getting sober!" but the prospect of never having alcohol again scares me to death. Imagining going more than a day, let alone a year or a lifetime without it sends me into a complete panic.

Have any of you felt this way? I feel so empty and hopeless at the thought of complete sobriety. It's always "just one more" or "oh, I already messed up today, might as well go crazy and just start tomorrow!" It is really killing me and I can't live like this anymore.

mavrick

Welcome qbee, you'll find lots of support on here. Take it slow at first,one day at a time or even 1 hour at a time if you have to, it's not easy but if you want it, it's waiting for you.

Anewyear

Welcomeqbee223!
I am farely new as well. 11days sober , so I would rather the longer sober people here respond with advice. I just wanted to welcome you!
I do relate though, everyday in the shower I would tell myself how stupid I was for drinking again and how I was stopping. Only to retell myself in the evening it's ok, drink.
I was ready to quit. I decided I was tired wrecking my health, starting fights with my family over nothing and never remembering what I said. I needed to give up drinking to have a normal life. I hope you decide for you as well. Good luck!

chloe719

I am new too...the idea of sobriety for me is not scary but it is something I want and am hoping I can achieve...aren't you more scared of "not" getting sober?

qbee223

The idea of not getting sober is just every day life now.

Alcohol has become my crutch, my lifeline. Without it I have no idea who I am, how to deal with things. Sobriety scares me, because I don't know what it has to bring me. If that makes sense.

ShineLove

Yes, I've felt that way. For me, it has really helped to just take it a day at a time. With each passing day, you'll build your sober muscles and heal just a bit more.

Good luck on your journey, and stay close to SR. There's a lot of wisdom and experience on this site.

Peter_819

Welcome Qbee. I can only really speak for myself but I would be surprised if there were many people who participate on this forum that couldn't relate to that fear of sobriety early on in recovery. It helps alot of people to think about it in the shorter term. Day to day, hour to hour, or minute to minute. As those minutes add up I think you'll find a future without alcohol seeming a good deal less dreadful.

qbee223

Thank you, I am so tired of the vicious cycle of addiction. I am self medicating big time, being bipolar and i have anxiety attacks when I try to abstain. I am tired of the self hatred that comes with all this crap. Sick of it all. I want to be sober, I really do. Just terrified.

newpage119

Welcome Qbee! I think everyone feels or felt like this in the beginning. Alcohol is not an easy habit to break! But you can do it!!!
You have come to the right place....there is always help available on the forum.

If it helps, think of it as just getting through the day today.
And tomorrow, get through tomorrow.....

Stay Strong!

qbee223

I like that, thanks.

newpage119

Welcome Qbee! I think everyone feels or felt like this in the beginning. Alcohol is not an easy habit to break! But you can do it!!!
You have come to the right place....there is always help available on the forum.

If it helps, think of it as just getting through the day today.
And tomorrow, get through tomorrow.....

Stay Strong!

Anewyear

I understand, I was scared too. But it has been my best choice ever. q. Are you diagnosed bipolar and are you on medication for it? If so, I would talk to your doctor about all this. Drinking is another way many ( like myself) have self medicated for dealing with some sort of depression. Your Dr can help you get on the road to sobriety if you share how your feeling with them.
We are here for you!

qbee223

I take things day by day the best I can.

I have been in and out of the psychiatric hospital five times in the last year. I tried to commit suicide in December of '13 and since then it has been bad. I haven't been since October '14 and I am hoping it stays that way.

It is a dual diagnosis treatment center so I would be sober for ten days or two weeks, then get out and binge and go crazy right afterwards. It's like I have zero self control. It is very disheartening.

qbee223

Anewyear, I have talked to my doctor, but kind of fudged the truth so she would still perscribe me klonopin for anxiety. I haven't gotten hooked on those, yet. I am diagnosis bipolar 1 rapid cycling. I have bad, bad mania where I make terrible decisions. And depression episodes are bad too. I am on medication, but I prefer oral medication, you know, the liquid ingested kind.

Nofearnobeer

Hmm , yeah..the thought of never drinking again has crossed my mind more times than I can count...But it quickly gets run over by the thought of my recent blood test results that I have had time and time again that show what alcohol can do.....

Not to be to specific , but I prefer nice round healthy red blood cells loaded with hemoglobin , which mine currently are not...This somehow indicates that my liver is not to happy with alcohol consumption any more....

My greater fear for my health over runs any fear I have of never drinking again...

Just a little perspective..

Stick with it..

Anewyear

I understand qbee.we are all here for you to help get sober. But think about being truly honest with your doctor. They are there to help you get better and be healthy. Why not tell her what you shared here and she could help you find the best fit for you? Then you may not even desire drinking anymore?

Keep on the site. There is a lot of knowledge here.

qbee223

I get ya. I was bulimic for a few years, and one trip to the ER with a possibly ruptured esophogas left me purge free to this day.

Something about this addiction has me in denial of my health status. I just can't seem to power through cravings or withdrawals. I have tried exercise (which I love) crochet, reading, going on walks, watching a movie, calling a friend. My brain seems to drive through all my efforts and say "yes, that is fun. But would it not be more fun with a drink?" and so it goes.

Nofearnobeer

Well , hang out here , read some other folks stories , let everyone know how you are feeling....Some folks here will get you so focused on what they are saying, you wouldn't have time to reach for a glass , cup , bottle or a can...! Stay strong..

qbee223

Thanks man. And thanks everyone. What a fantastic and quickly recieved welcome

I think I will be heading to the gym here shortly, get some lymphatic systems pumping and my mind on something else.

qbee223

Thanks man. And thanks everyone. What a fantastic and quickly recieved welcome

I think I will be heading to the gym here shortly, get some lymphatic systems pumping and my mind on something else.