milky

I feel I did everything I could. It hurts but I'm at peace with it. I just told her I can't deal with the lies anymore and I can't deal with her getting worse. We signed the papers to start the process today and I find out she ran another credit card up to the max. That's number 3 in 5 years. I have to pay $6000 again. I have been with this women for 13+ and i don't know who she is.


I'm just going to hold on. The next 6 months are going to be incredibly difficult.


Still sober though.........

maia1234

Not sure but I think if you file legal separation now, I don't think you will be held responsible for new debt in her name. Not sure but it could take a while for the divorce so make sure she doesn't scrxw you anymore.

Sorry

milky

Yeah if she keeps it up i wont be able to keep the house. Which i desperately want to do so our son can go to these schools.


She threw away a life most people dream of just so she can continue to drink and it's everybody else's fault that the marriage fell apart. It's incredible really. She doesn't even play tennis anymore. It's going to crush our son the way she is falling apart.

FlippedRHalo

Incredible, I agree. Add heartbreaking, destructive, soul scarring and a massive range of other emotions and feelings. I feel the same way. You're not alone.

How do you throw so much away for something that is destroying you, your family, your child? I guess it just goes to show how powerful their addiction is and how little power we have to change their course. It definitely doesn't make it any easier, I know.

The pain that we feel for our children who have to go through this, innocently caught in the cross-fire, adds tremendously to our pain.

I'm sorry for your pain, truly. It's a miserable thing to go through.

milky

It's weird but I'm not sad this time. I know it's the right thing to do. It's like my fight or flight kicked in and now I'm determined to be the rock this broken family needs.

We jointly filed for divorce yesterday.


I'm just going to continue to stay sober, stay in the gym, and be there for my son. I'm a little worried about my son because I'm not a woman and there's things I simply can't do that only a mom can do. I'll cross that bridge when i get there I guess. At least he's going to know i love him and I'm proud of him through my actions.

Mango blast

I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's so good that you're making healthy plans for yourself and your son. Have you been going to Alanon and do you have a strong support system?

If you find Alakid near you, their slogan is Courage to Grow. As they put it, kids in alcoholic families learn to toughen up and grow up too fast. Alakid is a safe place to just be a kid.

milky

It's not a particularly strong support system but i have a few people I can talk to. I'm not 100% sure I'man alcoholic. I did show signs of the disease but i just quit drinking and i haven't had any urges to start back up. I guess I'm just erroring on the side of caution for my family's sake.

I still haven't attended an Alanon meeting. I typically work 55 hours a week and care for my son the rest of the time. I have no time really......

maia1234

Milky,
Stay on SR and get support that way. You can learn a ton from the brave men and women who have survived a love ones addiction.

I understand that your son is your priority, as he need a strong healthy parent. You will be ok!!! ((((((((hugs)))))))))))

milky

I told her tonight that I was going to the gym before work. She of course got mad and accused me of cheating on her. I stayed calm and said 13 years of being faithful/honest and now you don't trust me to go to the gym. Whatever. I need to run it helps me cope with all this crap and i left anyway.

I don't care what she says I'm not taking her back. I've completely had it.


On a good note i ran a great 5k on the treadmill and I'm feeling good right now.

dandylion

milky...I think you are making your way out of the forest just fine.

I know it hasn't been easy.

dandylion

lizatola

I hear the same things.....even going to an Al Anon meeting was an easy target to accuse me of cheating. Even though we're hurting (my AH and I will be filing for divorce within the next few weeks), so is the alcoholic in our lives. We have tools that they don't choose to use yet and that helps us see reality. Their reality is skewed, and I try to keep that in mind when the false accusations flare up, etc.

I get you on the gym stuff. I used to play tennis but had to stop last year because I messed up my elbow last January going rock climbing. So, I'm finally back to working with a trainer at the gym and I'm hoping to be back on court soon.

Your son will be alright. Sending positive thoughts and support your way!

milky

The only thing that scares me is wondering what kind of guy my ex ends up getting involved with. I will feel extremely guilty if the guy hurts my son. I tried to talk her into letting me have full custody but she was strongly against that. I wish i could talk her into it........

FlippedRHalo

If she's an alcoholic and you're recovered, you could consider fighting her on that. I won full custody of my daughter when my ex-addict husband and I divorced. It's worth a try. As a child who grew up with an alcoholic mother, who married an alcoholic that became my adopted father (he adopted me at 5 when he married her), I can tell you first hand that it is better for him to grow up in a non-alcoholic home. The damage my childhood has done to me is tremendous.

Get a journal - write down all of the events surrounding her drinking - times, dates, what happened, etc... Continue to do it. If you can, record her when she's drunk as video/audio proof incase you need it down the road. May seem a little underhanded, but as far as protecting our kids, we do what we have to do.

Best of luck to you. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's hell, but it's worth it in the end.