torquemax777

My AH started leaving little notes for himself in different spots in the house; stuff like, "I will not drink today...." And on the calendar, a smiley or frowny face with the words "failed" if he drank that day.

He also announced out of the blue that he would be attending an AA meeting he found on a bulletin board at the hardware store. AND he actually followed through and went! He said there were only three guys besides him, and all of them besides the leader was court ordered to be there. They were all happy to see a fresh face. He said it went well, and though he has issues with AA's leniency towards higher power (can be a light bulb these days) that it was nice to talk, share, and hear others tales.

He told me not to "get all excited and hope he will go every Monday "(they only have one meeting a week here) but that he will try and go at least now and then.

He also said if he makes it 90 days sober he wants to take us on a mini vacation where we both get to spend $100 each on whatever we choose. I automatically thought he meant he would use his to celebrate with booze. He was like, " wow! I can totally see why you would automatically think that, and I am ashamed. I have a lot of work to do; but no! No celebrating with alcohol, I was going to buy a model car to tinker with so I have a new hobby to help me stay sober."

Anyway, what impressed me is how he went about this whole thing without a bunch of fanfare and vain proclamations. I just happen to glance by our TV and found one of his "don't drink today" quotes, then about a week later glanced at the calendar and saw all the smiley/ frownies. Actually, there's no frownies since he started marking calendar except the first day he started January 2nd; which BTW: he peed in the fridge that night after waking up half asleep from passing out drunk. Maybe his "rock bottom"????

Anyway, I see this stuff as guarded hopefulness. He seems to be going about it the right way: FOR HIM! Not just as a "show" to pacify me.

Any thoughts SR?

lillamy

I think the fact that he's doing this without big fanfare is a good sign. More will be revealed, as they say.

knowthetriggers

Sounds like he is taking this seriously on his own terms. Good for him. A twist to this is I used to write myself notes all the time back in the day - just small quotes to help me cope with my AH. It is a step in the right direction. Keep working your program!

happybeingme

Torque- I think that is awesome. Good for him. Now stay out of his way and let him go. We all have to follow our own path. I am really happy to read this turn in things for the two of you.

torquemax777

I have y'all to thank. Maybe the tools I learned here; detaching and such somehow prompted this in him? Who knows! I agree- only time will tell. But I thinks that he "gets it" that just because I'm still here with him and everything appears to be hunky dory, doesn't mean I always will be, if he continues in his madness.

Thank you all ever so much again!

Carlotta

Like the others I think this is really a very good sign. Just keep your hands off and let him do his thing even if it means him making mistakes or having some frownies...if you see a frownie and you are like me, it probably will take a bit of self control not to comment LOL.
It is also good that he is planning to reward himself with a little hobby.
The fact that he already has a higher power will help him a LOT should he decide to do the steps.
Anyway, keep up the good work on you

xoxo

happybeingme

I think you setting a good example for him with all that you have been doing is what is inspiring him

Shellcrusher

Hope is good.

Expectations should remain at whatever level you've set. I keep mine at zero.

Turtle82

I'm happy for you both and agree with "stay out of his way"... you know we RAs suffer from that extreme "don't tell me what to do" disease we can read in where it doesn't exist.

torquemax777

Turtle, he actually said the other day, " getting sober and staying sober wouldn't be so hard I don't think if I could only get passed the thought and feeling, 'nobody's gonna tell ME what to do.' I think I'm attracted to, 'if it's taboo I wanna do it all the more!"

But he said he is also using positive reinforcement with himself and tells himself several times a day, "see, sobriety isn't so bad! I couldn't be doing such and such if I would have drank today." And, " not only that I would be feeling this awful such and such instead!"

Like I said, "guarded hopefulness" but I too, am at "0" expectation.

shil2587

That's such a lovely post to read. Be prepared though, relapse, multiple relapses are alsmot guarantwed along the way but it doesn't mean absolute failure. A bit of encouragement and then detachment if a slip occurs can sometimes go a long way. Much further than showing disappointment. At least, that's MY truth.
Best of luck to you both. X

torquemax777

Oh, and to be honest, I thought I might get a chuckle or two or responses to his "peeing I the fridge" thing. Never seen that before! The corner on a pile of dirty clothes yes, but to open the fridge, pull open the crisper drawer and start peeing, now that my friends, takes the cake!

I didn't stop him when he first opened the door because he looked at first like he just woke up with the munchies and was browsing, then out of the blue he pulls the drawer open and starts to pee, and I was like, "woah woah woah! What are you doing!?!? That's the fridge!" I shaved the door and turned him and literally pushed him into the bathroom in front of the toilet. He was just grunting and mumbling jibberish.

Told him the story the next day and he was mortified, obviously, completely incoherent at the time.

SHEESH!!!! Not even dogs or toddlers go that far with their peeing anywhere!

hopeful4

This!!!!

Carlotta

I go to AA and I have yet to hear about anyone peeing in the fridge myself!