Let the games begin!
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Let the games begin!
OK...I see how its going to be, I see how it is. And games it is.
He called to let me know that his mother will be here around 3pm. He then tells me that he got her a hotel room. Then says he isn't sure if he is going to tell his mom or not, but has already let her know she will be staying in a hotel BECAUSE I HAVEN'T CLEANED OUT OUR SONS ROOM AND THERE IS NO ROOM FOR HER IN OUR 3400SQFT HOME! I see... IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOT CLEANING A ROOM that she is staying in a hotel. Hmm.. ok. I see how it is. I see how its going to be. He is NOT ready to do the work that needs to be done. He isn't ready for anything other than game playing and white knuckling until he can't white knuckle anymore. I'm p*ssed. Yes, sir, I am. I can just imagine what my white glove MIL, who I love dearly, will have to say and the Q's she will ask w/o my AH home from work. This ought to be fun.
He called to let me know that his mother will be here around 3pm. He then tells me that he got her a hotel room. Then says he isn't sure if he is going to tell his mom or not, but has already let her know she will be staying in a hotel BECAUSE I HAVEN'T CLEANED OUT OUR SONS ROOM AND THERE IS NO ROOM FOR HER IN OUR 3400SQFT HOME! I see... IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOT CLEANING A ROOM that she is staying in a hotel. Hmm.. ok. I see how it is. I see how its going to be. He is NOT ready to do the work that needs to be done. He isn't ready for anything other than game playing and white knuckling until he can't white knuckle anymore. I'm p*ssed. Yes, sir, I am. I can just imagine what my white glove MIL, who I love dearly, will have to say and the Q's she will ask w/o my AH home from work. This ought to be fun.
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Originally Posted by dandylion 
Katchie.....does he assume that h is mother is Stooopid? Don't you think that she is going to sense that something is out of kilter.......
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I really am curious to see the replies to this one...he really put this problem BACK in your lap. I'm curious to see what advice you get on how to handle this.
My AH did something similar with the divorce thing. He told me he wanted one, I said ok. then he came back several hours later with the ultimatum/boundary about my sister and said HE would wait for ME to decide on whether I would respect it. So he did the same thing, in so facto- tried to put it back on me...
My AH did something similar with the divorce thing. He told me he wanted one, I said ok. then he came back several hours later with the ultimatum/boundary about my sister and said HE would wait for ME to decide on whether I would respect it. So he did the same thing, in so facto- tried to put it back on me...
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Katchie.....does he assume that h is mother is Stooopid? Don't you think that she is going to sense that something is out of kilter.......
dandylion
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I don't know. All I know is I don't want to lie and cover for him anymore. I feel like, if she asks about this based on the obvious strangeness of it, that I should be truthful. But in the world of addiction, is that the right thing to do? I don't know. I sure has hell don't appreciate being his scapegoat. It shows the level of disrespect he has for me and if very hurtful.
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Originally Posted by Katchie
I don't know. All I know is I don't want to lie and cover for him anymore. I feel like, if she asks about this based on the obvious strangeness of it, that I should be truthful. But in the world of addiction, is that the right thing to do? I don't know. I sure has hell don't appreciate being his scapegoat. It shows the level of disrespect he has for me and if very hurtful.
I'll be praying for you today Katchie- you don't deserve this ******** after all the ground you've been gaining. Ugh.
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I would be truthful if asked a direct question because *I* can't lie about stuff like this. There is NO benefit to protecting him in this situation, IMO.
I might also say something like, "So glad to see you! I'm sorry that you aren't staying with us but AH felt you might be more comfortable in a room closer to where he is staying. Care for a cup of coffee?" and just pretend you have no clue he's given her a load of BS already.
Is that snarky?
I might also say something like, "So glad to see you! I'm sorry that you aren't staying with us but AH felt you might be more comfortable in a room closer to where he is staying. Care for a cup of coffee?" and just pretend you have no clue he's given her a load of BS already.
Is that snarky?
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I'm not saying anything unless asked directly. I'll let him navigate his rotten, sinking ship and reap the consequences when they happen. But, if she asks, I will speak the truth.
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Katchie, IMO, tell the truth. Don't join him in his games or whatever he thinks he's accomplishing by saying that. It's so silly and manipulative. Whatever you feel comfortable saying to your MIL say it and don't worry about his reaction. Let him know right from the start you won't lie for his convenience or ego.
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Originally Posted by Katchie
I sure as hell hope she senses the weirdness of this. That would take a load off of me.
It really isn't personal. He's likely feeling backed into a corner, scared and reaching at anything he can think of to not have to face this. I've had a lot of hard threshholds to cross. None so hard as telling my mom I'm an addict, and none with those kind of mental and physical brain issues going on.
IMO, this lie looks like a pretty normal part of the merry-go-round he's riding. You have a choice whether to jump on it or not. Last month the phrase "not my monkey, not my circus." came to mind fairly often, giving me both comic relief and another option on how I can choose to take the moment at hand.
If you want to tell your mil the truth, it's okay to do that. Maybe go out to coffee or shopping with her.
Whatever you do, God is with you.
Pray, trust in God. You're doing very well and great things are ahead for you.
-----
God is my Source.
There is that within me
That knows what to do and how to do it.
All is well.
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I told him, "I don't like that I've been made the reason she isn't staying here; because I didn't clean our sons room when we have an upstairs couch he can sleep on. If your mom smells a rat and asks me straight up what's going on I will not lie to her. I'm not playing games anymore." No response yet.
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Perhaps his scent and his lower GI issues will give her a clue? She will want to know why someone so obviously ill is not home in their own bed, but at a hotel.
It will be difficult for him to convince he is a victim of "bad housekeeping"...or perhaps she will ask him why HE doesn't help out "cleaning"
it's really NOT a believable story, does he think his mother is an idiot?
It will be difficult for him to convince he is a victim of "bad housekeeping"...or perhaps she will ask him why HE doesn't help out "cleaning"
it's really NOT a believable story, does he think his mother is an idiot?
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I'm getting ready to babysit for 30 minutes a newborn...I'm really excited about that! Then, the boys have a game this afternoon and of course, my MIL is coming for a visit and to watch the boys play. I do really love her. she has been a well of wisdom in other areas of my life.
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Good for you! I like all the responses to this thread. I was wrong- he ATTEMPTED to put the problem back in your lap, but YOU didn't take the bait!
I'm starting to see this "event" as an emerging victory for you!!!!! I admire you so much, you have no idea!
I'm starting to see this "event" as an emerging victory for you!!!!! I admire you so much, you have no idea!
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