cori1019

Hi All,
I haven't posted on this forum before, but since I feel like I am in an OK place right now it's as good a time as any. I recenlty read Adult Children Of Alcoholics by Janet G. Woititz and am getting ready to read another of her books Lifeskills for Adult Children. My background is this: my dad was a functioning alcoholic all of my childhood, teenage and most of my adult years. He is currently in recovery for narcotics and alcoholism. He was never abusive mentally or physically, he just never really knew how to be a dad. He is also an ACOA. My mom had her boughts with drinking as well. Both of them smoked pot everyday for as long as I can remember up to about 6 years ago. I wouldn't say I had a bad childhood, I just didn't really have one. I was an only child until I was 14 when my brother came along. My parents were teenagers when they were forced to get married months before my birth. I was never sheltered from thier partying - ever - I was in the 'smoking circles' at 5 (probably earlier but I can't recall) and mistakenly handed joints (I didn't try it then of course) more times than I can count. I never really got that what I was dealing with was bad or wrong until the Nancy Regan "Just Say No" campaign. I was in middle school then. As I got older and saw that my parents sheltered my brother from thier drug use I got angry.
Fast forward to the present: I am going on 30 and my brother is going on 16. I have learned to deal with my father's escalating drug use/abuse to the best of my ability. He has been in and out of recovery/rehab programs for the past 3 years. He is currently in a recovery program. I have gone through anger, hurt, etc. All the typical phases/stages of dealing with a family member with an addiction. I am trying to figure out how to keep my relationship strong all while trying to understand where I came from. My partner has actually made a change that I am thrilled about - she hasn't had a drink in 3 weeks. Deep down I sometimes think she could have a drinking problem, but it's one that she has controlled. I really hope that she sticks with it because I know I don't need to drink to be happy. I hope that she realizes that she doesn't either. My other challenge is that I am trying to get my brother to learn to really understand what having an addict parent means. It wouldn't be so hard if our mother were a stronger parent. She is so wrapped up in her own life right now that she isn't making time for him.
So, what I am looking for here is feedback from people who know where I am and where I've been. I am also looking for ACOA meetings in the Pittsburgh, PA area. I have gone to an NA meeting and sometimes post on a different forum, but I don't think I can really get what I need from them because most of thier problems are with thier addict children or spouses. My heart goes out to them all. But I need to hear from people that are going through the same things that I am.
Thanks for listening to all I had to say!!!

Star Gazer

For me, the way I kept my relationship strong with my mom during rehab was to focus on myself and my recovery from this illness. I hadn't realized until then that I even had an "illness" to recover from. Slowly, we began to talk about issues with alcoholism and how it effected our relationship. I had to get to know her again, as a sober person. Today, our relationship is still strong but it is definately different.

I'm not sure if this is what you were looking for but I hope I helped.